All Roads Lead Back To You
by rcruz1234
Summary: Six months after she abruptly departed, Erica returns to Seattle Grace and runs into Callie.
1. Chapter 1

**TITLE:** All Roads Lead Back to You (Chapter 1)  
**AUTHOR: rcruz**  
**RATING:** PG-13 (mostly for language)  
**PAIRING:** Callie/Erica, Callie/Arizona (but not really)  
**SUMMARY:** Erica returns to Seattle Grace for a couple of days.

Disclaimer: If I owned them, things would look a lot different. The characters, settings, established histories, and general Grey's Anatomy universe referenced in this work are properties of their respective owners. This is a work of fiction for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at this pairing. The story started out as an exploration of what would happen if Erica came back and found Callie with another woman. I meant to really try to explore the Callie/Arizona thing, but it just became a full blown Callica piece pretty much on its own. The story is finished, but undergoing serious editing. All mistakes are mine. Feedback is always welcome.

I stopped watching Grey's after Erica left, so I am unfamiliar with the Callie/Arizona story. If I get things wrong about them, it's because I'm making it up. I also believe all fanfiction is really one huge alternative universe, so I have no problems changing the histories of the characters somewhat to suit the story. Hope that's okay with folks. I'm not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV, so I've tried to keep the medical jargon to a minimum. I am also unfamiliar with Hospital Boards or the hiring practices of major hospitals and I realize that San Francisco has a top rated hospital. I love San Francisco and thought it was a nice place for Erica to end up in, but alas, for this piece the universe is my play thing, so let's just suspend our disbelief and pretend that San Francisco does not have nationally ranked hospitals.

Chapter 1 - At the Beginning

Erica Hahn was not happy with her life. She wasn't sad about it either. It just was what it was. She was in a beautiful city, having departed in a mad, ridiculous rush from another equally beautiful city just six months prior. But the only time she really enjoyed the city was from her balcony in the apartment she basically ate and slept in. It was one of the only positives of the move she had made - this apartment with its view of the Golden Gate Bridge. She was paying way too much for it, but since she didn't spend money on anything else, she might as well have something nice to look at, had been her reasoning when the rental agent had offered it to her. The beauty and sheer accomplishment the bridge represented always captured her imagination, but it also put her in a pensive mood and she did not like that. Thinking about anything besides surgery was dangerous. It sometimes made you hopeful. It made you do things and think things that were out of character and so not good for you. It made you make friends and mistakenly think you could actually have a healthy relationship. It made you want things you could not realistically have. Specifically this bridge with its wide expanse made her think of possibilities and all the possibilities she had left behind in an effort to outrun the pain that had become synonymous with Seattle.

But she liked to look at it anyway, so it had become a ritual. After a hurried dinner, she would usually take a glass of wine and sit on her balcony, just focusing on the bridge.

She had gone to Seattle after her residency to compete. She had wanted to be the new attending at Seattle Grace. Preston Burke had gotten it instead and so she had settled for Mercy West, deciding that if she couldn't be at a top teaching hospital, she would raise the level of the hospital she had ended up in. She would elevate their cardiothoracic program and she had been successful. Damn successful! She had been so successful that when Preston had abandoned Seattle Grace, they had asked her to step in and she had swooped in after him, intent on showing them they had made a mistake hiring him over her. It had not turned out the way she expected.

Walking into Seattle Grace had been like walking into a minefield. At every turn something blew up in your face. She could have handled that, if the mines were purely professional. She could handle the boys club of elite attendings that seemed to form some sort of male clique. She could handle sniveling residents vying for her attention trying to suck up to her. She could handle their arrogance, their smug attitudes and the way they mistakenly approached surgery like it was a big game. She had been there too; knew the high that came with holding a scalpel. And she knew that she needed to take them down a peg, or several. So she had set about to do just that. She could handle that. But there had been other mines lurking in the halls of that hospital; ones that were impossible to detect and which had ultimately caused her mad dash from the hospital and the city.

She sighed and let her mind meander. She both hated and loved going back there.

Erica was no idiot and while she rarely concerned herself with such insignificant things as her looks, she was aware that she had some attractive features. She was tall, an inch or more shy of 6 feet, with long blonde hair and an attractive figure. It had not been a surprise to her that the local bad boy at Seattle Grace spent an inordinate amount of time hitting on her. It was not the first time she had dealt with his type and while she found his persistence annoying, it was nothing she couldn't handle. He was a known quantity, a mine she could see and casually step around without concern.

Then she met Callie Torres, a fifth year resident specializing in orthopedics. Callie was life captured. She was tall, just shy of Erica's 5'10" frame with a full body that curved and moved invitingly. She was bold and brash and beautiful. Erica had noted from the start how beautiful Callie was with her long black hair that looked good no matter what Callie did to it, her flawless caramel skin and a smile that just pulled and tugged at you until you were forced to smile or laugh too. Callie Torres was what happened to you when you weren't paying attention. At least that's how it felt to Erica. Callie Torres had changed everything for her. She had, to her surprise, befriended Callie Torres and the mine field all of sudden had become more crowded and harder to navigate.

After Callie Torres, she found her steps hesitant, her balance off, her vision blurred and fuzzy. In all honesty, she had never really been able to navigate the field effectively after Callie Torres.

It had been a surprise to her how everything had happened - atypical in every way - at least for her. Their friendship had come easily. That was odd. Friendship never came easy for Erica who was awkward and weird around people she didn't know or like, a category which usually included everyone. But she and Callie were easy. They found it easy to laugh together, talk, drink, dance - everything was just easier with Callie. Suddenly she had a friend and it was new and different and she knew it was putting her off balance, but there was something about her interactions with Callie that she wanted to explore and so she ignored that part of her that usually proceeded with caution, content to let the feelings, these new and interesting feelings, just wash over her.

She knew there was something peculiar going on with Callie, because Erica rarely put others above her patients or her career. But she did with Callie. She let Callie process the end of her marriage with her, listened like she had never listened to anyone before because she wanted Callie to be okay. It was somehow of tantamount importance that that little shit, George O'Malley not break Callie. So she put aside her natural impatience for people in personal crisis that couldn't just make a rational decision and move on, and was just there for Callie. When Callie had finally signed those divorce papers, Erica was more relieved than Callie that Callie was free of it all. That should have been her first sign.

But Erica was a master of compartmentalization and so she didn't question her own feelings and just moved on, waiting for the next moment with Callie. She let Callie talk her into everything from all night dancing to sunrise yoga. That was the second sign. She had missed it completely. She should have been alerted by the third sign, but she was too mired in pain to recognize it. When Callie pulled back from her, from them, from the closeness they had established it had confused her. She didn't understand it until she saw Mark and Callie together. The pain was the sign. But it engulfed her and drove out all rational thought. She didn't see it for what it was. All she knew was that it had been her and Callie and now Callie had this thing with Mark and Erica was so out. She should have gone back to her old self then, the one that did not make friends easily, the person that was a world class surgeon and nothing else. But the pain did not go away like it should have and seeing Callie or Mark either separate or together was like an incision that refused to heal.

That was when the confusion became too much, when she realized she couldn't work it out on her own and went to Dr. Wyatt. Dr. Wyatt was a psychiatrist, and while psychiatry was not an exact science, it was something and Erica needed something. She wanted someone to tell her what was going on, so she could deal with it and move on. But Dr. Wyatt had not been helpful or at least not in the way Erica wanted her to be. She had encouraged her to talk to Callie, to tell her what she was feeling. But how could she do that when she didn't know what she was feeling?

In the end, she did tell Callie in her own way, that Callie's withdrawal had hurt her, because she didn't make friends easily and she had with Callie and now Callie was taking it back to be with Sloan. The whole conversation had not made sense to her, but she had done it expecting nothing to really change. But it had, because Callie had come clean and told her about Montgomery's comment and she had laughed, because it had seemed funny to her that anyone would mistake their friendship for something else.

In hindsight, she should have just let Callie withdraw from her despite the pain and confusion, because what happened after was just more pain and confusion and had resulted in her ultimate retreat from Seattle as her only means of escape.

But for a time at least their friendship had returned and she had Callie back and that had seemed like enough. But the references to Sapphic love and threesomes were disturbing to her in unexpected ways. When Callie touched her now, she noted the changes in her own blood pressure, the increased beating of her heart, the tingly feeling that those touches left on her skin, which she felt even through her clothes. And most telling was the thing she tried hard not to think about. The thing that, despite her best efforts, she thought about anyway and it always managed to produce a knot in her stomach: Callie and Sloan together. It was too hard to keep it all straight in her head, to keep the emotions in check, so she had dragged herself back to Dr. Wyatt.

She didn't want to talk to Callie about what was happening with her like the good doctor suggested. She knew Callie and Callie would freak. So she needed to find a way to resolve this on her own. The kiss in the elevator was the perfect opportunity. In her mind, it would resolve everything. She could kiss Callie in a setting that was clearly not serious, answer some of her internal questions, and mess with Mark as a bonus.

But again her rational plans became jumbled. Erica had not expected to linger, she had not expected to be affected by the feel of Callie's soft skin under her fingers. She had not expected the caress she bestowed on Callie. Callie had not reacted. She had read Callie's stunned face as she pulled away, made her parting shot to Sloan and walked away from the both of them as fast as her feet would carry her. She worried afterwards, afraid that Callie would retreat again.

_But at least the questions had been answered_, had been her thought as she drove home that night. Clearly she was attracted to Callie Torres. It should have freaked her out, but somehow it didn't. Since Callie was not interested, it was not something she needed to deal with too much and Callie was clearly not interested. This was all one sided. She didn't even need to figure out what this meant about her, because it was just Callie she was attracted to and nothing would come of it.

Callie had not retreated, but she had started acting strange around her again and she was giving Erica these looks that Erica was having a hard time deciphering. Sometimes she would look guiltily at Erica, like she did when she had finally showed up for the cement boy trauma. Other times the looks were more intense. She couldn't tell if Callie was frustrated, annoyed, or pained. Erica had not been able to figure out what that was about, but she was having a hard enough time getting a handle on herself, despite her earlier declaration that it was resolved, to worry about Callie's weird behavior too much.

And then Callie had kissed her. Callie had really kissed her. There was no game, no pretense that the kiss was anything but a kiss, sweet and passionate. And she had kissed Callie back, releasing some of the energy she had been keeping locked up. She had pulled Callie to her and kissed her full on the lips, enjoying the taste, letting herself feel everything she had kept at bay.

They had been in front of the hospital parking lot and so things had gotten awkward afterward. They needed to talk about what had just happened, but as Erica made the suggestion that they go somewhere quiet, she knew the moment was slipping away. She was watching it go as she looked at Callie standing there, agreeing but not really looking at her. Callie's eyes were everywhere looking for someone, Erica thought, but not her, not Erica. She went through the motions anyway and they agreed to meet at a bar and grill that was not Joe's, but was not too far away. They had walked in separate directions towards their cars and Erica had wondered why she was even bothering.

Apparently Callie had been curious, but the curiosity was quenched and she was done. For Erica, the kiss meant she had to think about this thing that was going on with her just a little more.

By the time she found her keys and made it to bar, the moment had fled the state. Callie had gotten her a glass of wine and was already halfway through a beer. She had smiled as Erica made her way to the tiny table she had claimed, but her eyes went past Erica to the door.

They had made their way through their drinks without saying much. Finally Erica had ended the agony declaring that she was tired and that perhaps they would be more ready to talk another time. Callie had looked relieved. So they had smiled at each other and said their goodnights.

The next week had been spent ignoring each other as much as they could or alternatively trying to look busier than they were when they could no longer avoid each other. That had kind of worked for Erica because she was starting to see the signs and she didn't like what they were telling her.

After being been called in on Callie's experimental hypothermia case, she knew she would have to deal with this thing, even if Callie wanted nothing to do with her. She had seen the look of utter and complete panic on Callie's face as she stood there struggling to answer the Chief and Bailey's questions, trying to deal with the complications that were possible with any treatment, but were practically guaranteed with experimental ones. She saw the cloud of doubt descend on Callie, saw her trying to back off of what she had started. And surprisingly Erica had reached out a hand to steady Callie, had prevented her from getting completely lost in the fear. The speech had just tumbled out of her, about experimenting and trying new things and despite the double meaning, it had centered Callie and allowed her to complete the procedure, to take charge of the situation, to harness the knowledge she had acquired and against all odds, actually pull it off.

She had recognized that sign, because Erica Hahn did not do that. She was not soft and cuddly. She did not hold resident's hands. She was harsh and impatient and had no time for stumbling doctors that tripped over their own words and expressed anything but complete confidence in their skills and ability. But she had held Callie's hand in that moment, she had reached out to her in a way she had never done with anybody professionally. And it had nothing to do with her changing or growing as a teacher and everything to do with this particular woman; this woman that she could not stand seeing hurt or confused or insecure.

_I need to figure this out anyway_, she had been thinking, as she signed off on one last chart before walking out of the hospital that night. Even if Callie Torres wanted nothing to do with her, Erica needed to figure out what this meant about herself.

But Callie had surprised her by wanting to try. She had stood there trying to be brash and bold and confident, but unable to hide the little girl that felt scared and vulnerable and unsure. So Erica never hesitated to share her own doubts and insecurities, because this was Callie and she couldn't do anything about Callie's fears, but she could let her know that she wasn't alone. They had agreed to be scared together.

It had been the start of something so incredible and beautiful and life altering that Erica barely knew how to get a handle on it. But Callie had not really kept up her end of the bargain and in the end, she found herself always chasing Callie. They would take a step closer to figuring things out and then Callie would run and Erica would give chase. Even after she realized Callie was running to Mark of all people, she had just pushed her discomfort aside, the nagging feeling of nausea that was trying to warn her of the impending pain, and continued the chase. And worse, even after discovering that Callie was going to Mark for more than emotional support, that their physical relationship had not quite ended, she had not done the smart thing. Instead, she had said okay, hoping she could deal, hoping that Callie would work out whatever she had to work out and find her way back to Erica.

But hope had started to dwindle after that and when Callie had chosen to side with Izzie Stephens and the hospital over her and her patient, Erica had just broken. Her patient had lost a heart because Izzie Stephens had not been a professional, had allowed her personal feelings for a patient to take precedence over her oath as a doctor. She had cut that LVAD line to move him up on the transplant list. That was wrong. Anyway you looked at it, it was wrong - morally, legally, and ethically - it was wrong. Callie had not seen it that way. Callie had told her she was wrong, had stood on the other side of the line with Mark and the hospital and left Erica out in the cold.

And so she had left. She had not reported them, wanting to sever ties with the place forever. Not reporting them was the most selfish thing she had ever done as a doctor. She wondered still whether that had been the right decision. Had she reported them there would be an investigation and she would be involved. She would have to face them and she had simply decided that she was done letting Seattle cut her heart away piece by piece. She would just take what remained and go somewhere else.

So she had resigned. She had put the word out that she was looking and to her surprise she had received offers immediately. Too stunned and hurt to think clearly she picked the first job offer that came her way outside of Seattle and just packed up and went. She hadn't considered her career or whether the move made sense. She just left never expecting to return.

But time sometimes brings with it clarity and with clarity came the realization that her hasty move had been bad. There was nothing about San Francisco Medical that appealed to her. She had gotten lucky that Mercy had never really given up on her. Months into her job at San Francisco Medical, she knew she had made a mistake and so she started listening to Mercy West. She listened to their offer and had to admit, it was hard to pass up. They were offering Chief of Surgery. It had taken awhile to work everything out. Mercy had to deal with the old Chief who was way past retirement age, but stubborn. He had not wanted to move, was angry at the Board and so it was complicated. But it was done now.

In six months she would be on her way back to Seattle. Not to Seattle Grace, but to Seattle and she had to mentally prepare herself for that. Because Seattle meant Callie and while time had given her clarity in her professional life, it had not been so kind on her heart. Her heart still hurt. She had left pieces of her heart with Callie Torres in Seattle. She had not felt whole since. A meeting with Callie, she imagined, would be disastrous for her.

She had learned to be content in San Francisco. She wasn't happy, but she was surviving, which was more than she could have hoped for when she left Seattle. She just hoped she could continue to survive with pieces of her heart missing. She didn't know what she would do if she ran into Callie. She couldn't very well ask for the pieces back. She suspected that just seeing Callie would awaken a longing she had worked her at suppressing the last six months. Erica would just have to stay away from Seattle Grace. She could do that. She could make her life at Mercy West and never have to set foot in Seattle Grace again.


	2. Chapter 2

All Roads Lead Back to You (Chapter 2)  
Author:** rcruz**  
**SUMMARY:** Erica returns to Seattle Grace for a couple of days.

Disclaimer: If I owned them, things would look a lot different. The characters, settings, established histories, and general Grey's Anatomy universe referenced in this work are properties of their respective owners. This is a work of fiction for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended.

*************************

Chapter 2 - Returning to Seattle

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Erica took the time to finish stirring her coffee and place the lid on before looking at her pager. She had learned early in her career that even in the face of crisis, one needed to remain calm and this was her way of remaining calm. Finally, she looked at the pager. It was the Chief, but it did not appear to be an emergency of the surgical type.

She made her way to the nearest phone dialing his direct line. He answered after one ring.

"We have a situation," he told her not even bothering with formalities. He didn't require them and neither did she.

He was still pissed that she was leaving after only six months and so their relationship had chilled considerably.

"Okay," she answered waiting for him to lay it out for her.

"Come to my office and I'll explain."

That part was strange. She put the phone down, picked up her coffee and began making her way to his office. She tried not to panic, but couldn't help but think that she was about to be thrown for a loop again. She thought everything had been worked out between Mercy West and San Francisco Medical. She knew her current Chief was deeply unhappy with the situation, but she thought he understood her desire to move forward and not backward. He had been ecstatic about having her on staff, had thought he had pulled off a world class coupe on the big guys having a surgeon of her caliber at his hospital. But then Mercy West had dangled the Chief of Surgery position in front of her and she simply could not pass it up, even if it meant going back to Seattle.

Mercy had been riding a euphoric high when their trauma unit had finally been rated top in Seattle and suddenly the Board was looking at the possibility of breaking into the national rankings. They had been reeling when she left to go to Seattle Grace to replace Burke. They hadn't wanted to lose her again when she turned around and left Seattle Grace six months ago. But her desire to flee the jurisdiction as quickly as possible had not coincided with their timeline or geography. They had no way of knowing that she would take the first position offered, wanting to erase her experience at Seattle Grace and leave Seattle entirely. By the time they were ready, she had already moved to San Francisco. But they had tasted blood and so they went after her anyway and she surprised everyone by saying yes. She wasn't really ready to go back to Seattle, but she would be damned if she made another bad professional move because of Seattle Grace. So she had said yes, let the Board of the two hospitals work out a deal and began to try and mentally prepare herself for a move back to Seattle.

When she walked into the Chief's office, she fully intended to be dealing with just another one of the issues that had arisen from her impending departure. As it was, San Francisco had demanded that she finish out the year with them. She had already put in six months, but they had insisted she stay an additional six. Mercy West was anxious to have her start having gone through some trouble to convince the prior Chief to retire. He had not taken it well and retired almost immediately leaving the position vacant and waiting for her, which disinclined Mercy from letting her continue to work in San Francisco. It was truly a mess and the deal that had been worked out turned out to be good for everyone but her.

In two weeks she would begin to keep the craziest hours she had kept since she was a resident. For the next six months Erica would be flying to Seattle every two weeks. She would work four days in Seattle and then return to San Francisco. This had been the result of her desire to stay out of the negotiations between the two hospitals and while she knew it was completely crazy, part of her was glad she would be easing back into Seattle life. She hoped it would at least give her time to adjust and stop thinking she would see Callie Torres everywhere.

The door had been opened, so she took it as an invitation and just walked in.

"What problem do they have now?" she asked as she sat in front of his desk.

"Who?" He looked up from his papers.

"Mercy West? You?" she responded raising an eyebrow.

"No, it's not that. You have a patient scheduled for surgery tomorrow, a Michael Amato?"

"No. He's being admitted tomorrow. The surgery will take place early the next day. Why? Is there a problem?"

"Yes. You'll have to cancel that surgery."

"Why?" she said her voice taking on a serious tone. "He needs that surgery. Is there some problem with his insurance, because I can't be dealing with that. He needs the surgery."

"He certainly does, but it won't be happening here."

"What are you talking about?" she asked, exasperation lacing every word of the question.

"Did you give him permission to attend his daughter's wedding in Seattle?"

Erica's faced went white and then flushed red with anger.

"Son of....No, I did not. I expressly told him that he would not be attending because he needed this surgery. He should have had the surgery sooner, but he asked us to schedule it after the wedding so his daughter could fly in. What the hell?"

"It looks like he went anyway." He handed her the faxed sheets he had been scanning.

"I just got a call from Richard Webber at Seattle Grace. Apparently Mr. Amato collapsed right before the reception and was rushed to Seattle Grace. He's there now. His labs were just faxed over. Dr. Webber is of the opinion that the man needs the surgery soon."

She was looking at the labs and frowning.

"Of course he needs the surgery soon," she responded. "I told him that two days ago. Who'll be doing the surgery?" she asked.

"Well Webber wants his people to do it. They tried convincing Mr. Amato to do it today. But he refused. Says he wants you to do the surgery."

She said nothing. If she was honest with herself, she would be more comfortable if she was doing it as well. With Preston Burke and her gone, Seattle Grace had no cardiothoracic rock stars and this was her patient. She wanted him to have a rock star. But doing the surgery meant having to step foot in that hospital again. It meant having to see Callie again. She was not ready to see Callie again.

"Idiot!" she shouted cursing her patient and his stupid need to be at his daughter's wedding.

"Pack your bags, Dr. Hahn. I guess you're heading to Seattle a little early."

*****************

Erica sat in her office contemplating her predicament. She didn't mind most days that life was unfair, that sometimes you were just dealt a bad hand and had to make the most of it. Sometimes you lost and you just had to hope to make it up in the next hand. That was life. She understood that. But this situation she found herself in was beyond mere life and bad luck and bad hands. It was like someone was handpicking from the deck and giving her the worse possible cards, hand after hand, after hand. That was not life. That was hell.

She had been tired of Seattle and everything it entailed when she had left it abruptly six months ago. At first she had tried to blame it on Preston Burke. She was done with Preston Burke. She was done competing with him because no matter how many times she won, it always felt like a loss to her. It was as if he had some special fairy dust that would make his mistakes golden, his bad choices stellar, his problems someone else's. She was a better surgeon. She knew it and she suspected he knew it too. But he got the better gigs, he got the prestigious awards and all she got for coming in and saving his ass was his leftovers.

Six months ago after trying to fix what she saw as Burke's errors, she had just quit. She quit competing with him, she quit chasing him. She quit Seattle entirely, because that city had brought her nothing but trouble. How they had both ended up in Seattle was anyone's guess, but they had. Yet he had gone to the better teaching hospital and she had ended up at Mercy West, which was a good hospital, but it didn't rank in the top ten in anything. Yet she was the one that had gotten the call to operate on George's father because Burke had been shot.

When Burke had left the hospital and his department, supposedly in a huff over not being picked Chief of Surgery, Seattle Grace had turned to her again and she had tried to pick up the pieces and fix the mess he left. Which is why she had been stuck dealing with his residents. She had never seen such immature, brown-nosing, priorities-all-screwed-up, unprofessional residents in her life. He had trained them and she had to deal with them. They were talented, there was no doubt, but they were also very, very off professionally. They seemed to treat the hospital as their personal play pen and while Erica understood that spending 18 hours straight at a hospital made you feel like you lived there, you didn't. They acted like children and not adults most of the time. Hell sometimes they didn't even act like doctors. They should know how to separate their professional lives from their personal lives.

But at the end of the end, Burke had just left and she had stayed to try and teach them. But they were too entrenched in their personal dramas and too ready to make surgery and their jobs part of that drama. And so she had found that she couldn't teach them. They ended up just irritating her. She didn't know if she could be a good teacher and she admitted to herself that she had not really given the teaching thing much of a chance when she got there, at least not with these residents.

Erica was a quick study and she learned rapidly how things were done at Seattle Grace. She didn't like it. But it didn't seem to matter. So she had tried to hang on to her principles, to those things that comprised her core as hard as she could and cared little what the rest of the hospital did. She concentrated on her surgeries and hoped the residents would learn something by watching her, if they ever managed to pull their heads out of their own asses. Seattle had felt like a failure. Even though she knew they were Burke's residents, she felt like a failure because she couldn't teach them. Even though those same residents had stolen her patient's heart, she felt like the failure.

She picked up a pen and clicked. The click sounded loud. Her eyes scanned the door for a second before they returned to the window she had been staring at. She clicked again wanting to hear something else besides her own breathing. She closed her eyes, blocking out the San Francisco skyline just barely visible through the fog from her window. She could feel a headache coming on.

As much as she wanted to think it was all about Preston Burke and her hatred of all the things Burke had ever touched, she knew better. There was a reason the residents at Seattle Grace annoyed her. They weren't honest. Not with their patients, but most especially not with themselves. She didn't do what they did. She didn't ignore problems or lie to herself. She knew better and so she knew that she had to come to terms with the real reason she was dreading a return trip to Seattle Grace.

Callie Torres.

Seattle had been a mixed blessing really. It had been a disaster professionally. That she had left it with her reputation as a world class surgeon still intact was a testament to her skill and not her ill conceived decision to head up their cardiothoracic department. But Seattle Grace also meant Callie Torres. Erica had let herself fall completely and utterly in love with the woman who had handed her a precious gift, an insight into her sexuality that Erica had had neither the time nor inclination to find out about herself. She had been the reason for her awakening in matters of the heart and despite herself Erica still loved her for that.

But Callie Torres had also broken her heart into tiny little pieces. At the time, the rarely seen drama queen in Erica had thought she would never heal from the wound Callie had inflicted. She thought she would never feel right again. Six months ago, she had felt her heart shattering, the pieces falling away with every step she took away from Callie and Seattle. She had told herself it was the right thing to do. It was akin to an animal chewing off a paw to escape a trap. You cut off an appendage to save the whole. You never really feel whole again, but you live to see another day. Except it had been her heart she sacrificed. She was a heart and lung doctor. You could live without a finger or even a whole hand. You couldn't live without a heart. No one knew that better than she did.

But she had a patient who needed her skills and he was currently at Seattle Grace waiting for her to perform the surgery she had advised him he needed two days prior. They could not realistically move him without risk and there was no reason to, when she could just fly there to perform the surgery. She had called him and told him he could elect to have one of Seattle Grace's doctors perform the surgery, but he had insisted on her. She had been on the verge of refusing. But it was ridiculous. Erica Hahn did not let her personal life interfere with her professional one. So she had reluctantly agreed. She had no choice but to go.

She had ranted to her Chief about how stupid all of this was: the patient's reluctance to do the surgery while they had him here, his stupidity in even attempting to attend his daughter's wedding and his refusal to let anyone else operate. None of which was the Chief's fault. He had let her rant and then simply stated that stupid or not, she was his doctor.

"I know that," she had shouted at him and then realized it wasn't his fault. She was just pissed she had to go back there.

The Chief had smiled at her. "Think of it this way, maybe you can do some house hunting while you're there. You'll be there permanently in six months anyway."

He was right of course. The problem was that this was all so last minute and it was Seattle Grace and she wasn't ready to go back there.

No one at Seattle Grace would be aware yet of her decision to return to as Chief of Surgery at Mercy West and thankfully she didn't have to tell them. She had thought through what moving back to Seattle would mean if she returned to Mercy as Chief of Surgery. Professionally it was a sound decision. But returning to Seattle Grace was another matter entirely. One she had not given much thought, having a firm plan in mind to never set foot in the hospital again. She wasn't prepared and the urgency of the surgery would give her no real time to prepare. She would be leaving tomorrow night or early the following morning. She needed to prep for the surgery and pack and didn't have time to think about how she was going to deal with Callie Torres. The best she had been able to come up with was to just ignore her completely.

Maybe that was really the best plan. She knew that in six months she would be back in Seattle, but she and Callie had never crossed paths before Erica's stint at Seattle Grace so there was no reason, Erica had rationalized, for them to run into each other again once she returned to Mercy. A trip to Seattle Grace however practically guaranteed an encounter and she wasn't sure she could really pull off ignoring Callie completely. And that thought had her clicking her pain repeatedly.

She had left Seattle Grace because she couldn't work there. But she had left the city because she could not stand the idea of being in the same city as Callie and not be a part of Callie's life. But that had been six months ago. She was over that and ready to start anew, ready even to put the professional before the personal and take the Chief of Surgery position, even though Callie was in Seattle. San Francisco had treated her well, but she could not pass up Mercy's offer to make her Chief of Surgery. They were moving up in the rankings with a top notch trauma unit. She was planning to build on that and expand their cardiothoracic program, recruit some talent and make the program nationally recognized. The hospital wanted it and so did she. It was, unlike Seattle Grace, a perfect fit.

But it seemed that no matter how perfectly she tried to plan her life, the hand she was dealt was a loser. She didn't want to see Callie Torres.

She clicked the pen again, pulled a note pad closer, and started a careful list of the things she would need to set up for her reluctant return to Seattle Grace. She didn't think she would be able to ignore Callie, but she would try. She would let interns do all the prep work and labs. Of course she would meet with the patient before the surgery, but there was no need for her to just hang around the hospital halls or nurse's stations. She could easily spend the day in an empty office. And she knew of one way to try and keep the rumor mill she knew would be churning from completely overflowing. She wrote down Yang's name on her pad. She would specifically request Callie's roommate on the condition that she keep Hahn's presence a secret. She hoped Yang's obsession with surgeries would keep her quiet until well after the surgery. Erica was hoping it would giver her enough time to do the surgery and monitor the patient's progress and then leave. After that she didn't care what happened.

***********************

Erica sat on the plane trying to recall everything she had ever heard, read, or learned about breathing as a relaxation technique. She needed every single ounce of knowledge on the subject right now, but her normally reliable brain was failing her. It seemed unable to compute, recall, calculate or analyze, mired as it was in whatever was going on in her body. The clash of feelings warring for dominance inside her was causing stomach pains, headaches, shakiness in her usually steady hands, and a host of other things. Euphoric anticipation rose in her like a buoy, only to be brought under again by the fears and anxieties that had plagued her since she had discovered that she needed to return to Seattle Grace Hospital.

She had no problems imagining Callie, her Callie walking the halls, that infectious smile plastered on her face. Who was it directed at now? It used to be Erica's smile. There was a time when that smile caused all sorts of tingly feelings to percolate inside her, when that smile had the power to make her day. But it wasn't her Callie she would see. More than likely Callie had long since moved on, probably with Mark Sloan, who despite his man-whorishness liked Callie. He cared about her and so maybe, perhaps with Erica out of the way, with the whole 'gay problem' out of the way, Callie had finished what she had started with Erica, with Mark. She hated the idea. A new wave of nausea hit her stomach. Her hand went involuntarily to the area. She noted her seating partner leaning away from her, but he said nothing. She was glad. She could not deal with people right now. She needed to get this under control before she landed. She would be heading straight for the hospital and she would be operating that afternoon. She needed to concentrate on her job.

But she had performed the surgery enough times that she could think about it almost in the background, like the news she heard every morning over her shower and breakfast. She had decided to just ignore the Callie situation and try her best to avoid seeing her. She had warned Richard not to tell anyone she was coming and he had readily agreed to her request. She hoped Yang had abided by her promise, but she thought she would. Erica would know immediately if she hadn't and would pull Yang off the surgery and if she knew Yang, Yang would not jeopardize an opportunity at surgery with her.

She let out a breath and tried again to center herself, but it was futile and her brain was tired of the struggle, so she finally just gave up and let the memories and images and worries and fears come unbidden.

In a way it was almost comforting to think of Callie. She had thought about her a lot the last six months, wistfully wondering if she had made the right decision in just leaving without a goodbye, without an explanation. She had even let her imagination delve into fantasy wondering what they would have been like as a real couple. They had never reached that point in their turbulent, intense, yet short-lived relationship. Technically they had been lovers, but a few sleepovers and weeks of not knowing what they were, in between not talking to each other, did not make for coupledom.

She did this same thing almost every night on her balcony. The exercise often left her exhausted and yet she could not stop herself from doing it most nights. It was euphoric to imagine what they could have been and then devastating to come back down to the real world where she sat in an empty apartment with a lonely glass of wine waiting for her. She didn't think about the tear streaked face she met in the mirror as she brushed her teeth, tried to put aside the physical pain in her heart that was always there and concentrated on breathing and sleeping and waking up the next day.

The demise of their whole relationship had hurt more than Erica had imagined a heart could hurt and she wondered at the foolishness of people who fall in love, have their heart broken and then fall in love again. How do people recover from this? She was no stranger to relationships, but the inevitable breaking had never felt like this. It had never made her feel lost and broken and unsure. But she did get up every morning and she hoped every single morning that when night came again, that her heart would not want to revisit that place where Callie still lingered, that her heart would hurt less as she climbed into that bed, that she would not have to think about breathing.

It hadn't happened yet and a part of her was worried that she would feel like this forever. But the rational part was there too and kept telling her to hang on, that it was impossible to feel like this forever, that it was just taking time.

She had just run out of time. Michael Amato had made sure of that. She rested her head against the back of her seat and decided that if she had to think about Callie, they might as well be good memories. So she willingly went to that place, back to the time when they were friends and trying to be more; when they were unsure of everything, but their need to spend time together; when everything was new and possible and not tainted.


	3. Chapter 3

All Roads Lead Back to You (Chapter 3)

Author: rcruz

Disclaimer: If I owned them, things would look a lot different. The characters, settings, established histories, and general Grey's Anatomy universe referenced in this work are properties of their respective owners. This is a work of fiction for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: I think it's about time we checked in with Callie.

Chapter 3 – Come Back To Me

The metal case that held the chart she had been working on felt cold to Callie. She was tired, very tired. Eighteen hour shifts sucked. Deciding that she couldn't really chart when she was this tired she threw the chart she had been trying to concentrate on with the pile of other charts she had yet to look at. She needed to go home and shower and rest. She had two or three hours before Arizona finished her shift to get in a shower and nap. Yang was still in a surgery. Callie had seen her scheduled to scrub in with "visiting surgeon" – whatever that meant.

Thankful that she lived close by, Callie planned to rush home and shower and rest before meeting her girlfriend, Arizona. She made her way to the resident's locker room, walking past two interns whispering to each other. She heard, or thought she heard, the name Hahn filter into their conversation and stopped.

"What are you guys talking about?"

They looked at her bewildered.

"Um…the surgery in OR3. There's some sort of mystery doctor from San Francisco doing it. It's just weird that they won't tell us who it is."

"They don't have to," she responded annoyed.

She walked away thinking she must be more tired than she felt. It had felt like that at the beginning, when Erica had first left. She thought she saw or heard her everywhere. She would hear that deep, husky voice in every hallway, and every time she braced herself to see her. But it had been her imagination, her desires getting the best of her. Erica was gone. No one knew what had happened, where she had gone. Callie had checked the major hospitals where Erica would have ended up, but she had not been there. She had disappeared and left an ugly open wound in Callie's heart.

Callie had fully expected to see Erica again after that fight in the parking lot, even as she watched her walk away. She had thought about going after her, but Erica had been so angry and Callie had just been too stunned.

_What did Erica mean, she didn't know her?_ _She knew her better than anyone._

She had gone home still in a daze. After a few hours of tossing and turning, she had called. There had been no answer. There would no answer the thousand other times Callie would try to call. She called everyday for two weeks, until the day the phone was disconnected. And that was it. As quickly as she had come into Callie's life she had left it. There was no trace of her at her apartment. No one knew where she had gone. In a way it was as if she had never even been at Seattle Grace. She had made no real friends except for Callie and it was only Callie that was walking around in a stupor for months, cursing her own stupidity.

It was the first thing she had every processed in her own head and not on the outside. Mark had been a good and loyal friend. She had cried on his shoulder a number of times, but she never spoke about it to him or anyone. She just let it consume her until she realized that if she didn't let it go, if she didn't process it, it would eat away her insides and leave behind an empty shell of a person. So she had to decide what to do and her first step was to think about it all from beginning to end. It had hurt.

Thinking about it, seeing everything play out in her head had been painful. Erica had put up with her freak-outs, had watched her fuck up, again and again and had accepted whatever Callie was willing to give. But Callie kept giving bits and pieces of herself to this thing happening between them, only to get nervous that it wasn't right and snatch them back.

She had come to terms with her role in their demise and while she was still angry that Erica had just left, without saying goodbye, without giving her an opportunity to make it right, without explaining anything, she wondered if she would not have done the same. When something just keeps hurting you, the sane thing to do is remove it and barring that, you remove yourself. It was what Erica had chosen.

Callie could have looked for her. She could have used her father's considerable resources and her own smarts to find her. She didn't. She didn't want to cause more pain and she knew Erica. She knew that Erica must have been in impossible pain to leave in the way that she did. She had left her patients, her colleagues, everything in one hurried swoop.

Callie was trying to let go. She started dating Dr. Arizona Robbins, pursuing her even, in her quest to move on, to somehow forget Erica Hahn and the colossal mistakes she had made. She had tried not being a freak with Arizona, who, despite the blonde hair, was so very different from Erica. But forgetting Erica was hard and she had not quite mastered it yet. She was still constantly freaking out on Arizona. She wasn't sure if Arizona understood where it was all coming from, but she certainly wasn't going to explain it.

She could not imagine explaining why she always pulled away from Arizona in the parking lot or why she didn't really play darts anymore. She could not really explain to Arizona why she rarely did sleepovers at Arizona's place and she could certainly not explain the real reason Arizona was never allowed to sleep over at Callie's.

She and Erica had first made love in Callie's bed and she just couldn't imagine bringing someone else into that space. She just pushed back and freaked out when Arizona suggested things like joining her for sunrise yoga.

She didn't have to offer explanations. She didn't know why, but Arizona just accepted the freak-outs, the weird non-explanations. She never made a fuss. She would simply smile and move on to the next thing. It was one of the reasons Callie liked her. She was not crazy-head-over-hills-in-love with Arizona, but she did care about her. She had convinced herself that this was better.

Less intensity, more chance of success, she had told Mark. He had just mercilessly teased her about their lack passion and how their kisses did nothing to inspire him.

She reached the resident's locker room and paused briefly outside of it, trying to clear her head. It was always the same. Every time she let herself wonder or wander to the topic of Erica, she would need to take a moment. She would close her eyes, push aside the pain, the guilt, the regret, and try to concentrate on the here and now.

She opened her eyes and entered the dark room. Flipping the light switch she made it to her locker picking up the lock and concentrating on the combination.

She heard the door open, but did not turn around.

"Have you talked to her yet?"

"Who?" she asked satisfied when the lock gave way. In one swift motion, she turned her hand and removed it from where it hung, never sparing him a glance.

"Hahn."

The name jostled her and the lock slipped from her hands and onto the carpeted floor.

"Fuck you, Mark. Stop playing games!" She bent to retrieve the lock.

"I'm not playing games. She's here. She's the mystery doctor. It's being kept all hush hush. Stupid really. Nothing escapes this place. Derek ran into her this morning. I thought you would have heard by now."

Callie was staring at him. "Stop it Mark," she said, but her voice was shakier than the last time she spoke.

"Callie," he softened his tone. "She's here. OR3. You can ask Yang or go see for yourself. Yang's in there with her now."

The lock dropped again. Callie stood frozen. Mark stepped forward to retrieve the lock. He placed it on the bench and sat trying to pull her down next to him. But she wasn't moving, so he stood up. She didn't look at him.

"She's here?" she asked in a voice that cracked.

"OR3 last time I heard. I think the surgery is close to finishing. They've been in there a few hours already."

Callie had just stopped. She had stopped breathing, or thinking or seeing. She only heard the words: _She's here_. _She's here_ was playing like a mantra in her head. _She's here._ Slowly her sense of balance was returning. She felt Mark next to her, felt his touch on her arm, but she couldn't pay attention to that. In that moment her world consisted of the words: _she's here_.

"She's here."

She spoke them out loud that time and the speaking jarred her out of her trance. She pushed him hard and was surprised when she heard his body crash into the lockers. She stepped around the bench and opened the door, turning to him with a final question.

"OR3?"

"Yeah,"

She was out the door.

"You go Torres," he said to no one in particular.

******************

She was in the scrub room watching. She watched Yang work. She watched the nurses, attentive and alert, scrutinizing monitors and handing over instruments. She saw interns milling about also watching. And she saw her, in her ridiculous polka-dotted scrub cap directing everything.

_She's here._

Callie wanted burst into that room. She wanted to pull off the cap and pull down the mask. She wanted to see her. She wanted to hear her say "Hey, Cal". She wanted to reach out and touch her everywhere.

She shook her head.

_That is not the way to approach this Calliope Torres._

She needed a plan. Erica was here, but she wouldn't be here forever. With one last longing look, she turned and walked out of the scrub room. She did not return to the resident's locker room. She did a quick calculation and began walking towards a specific elevator bank figuring that unless Erica decided to take the stairs, which no one ever did, she would need to walk to these elevators to leave the building. There were others, but this was the quickest most direct route. Erica had gone to some trouble to hide her presence today, so she would be looking to make a quick exit. She asked one of the interns to retrieve her charts and got ready to guard the elevator. She might as well get some work done while she waited.


	4. Chapter 4

All Roads Lead Back to You (Chapter 4)

Author: rcruz

_**Disclaimer:**__ If I owned them, things would look a lot different. The characters, settings, established histories, and general Grey's Anatomy universe referenced in this work are properties of their respective owners. This is a work of fiction for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Author's Note**: This is another short chapter, although longer than the last one. This is the chapter that begins the real point of this piece which is to bring Erica and Callie back together. That is in essence the major plot. If you're looking for suspense or a more complicated plot you won't find it here. The rest of the piece really centers on Callie and Erica and how they come to realize that damn it, they belong together! (Also I am in no way associated with New Balance, but I do like their shoes.)

**Chapter 4 – Collision**

Erica was practically bouncing down the hall. It was uncharacteristic of her she knew. She was trying to make it seem more like a stoic march, but her New Balance sneakers seemed to encourage the bouncy steps. The sneakers were new. She had finally given in to her often suppressed desire to just be comfortable and not worry about looking like a doctor, while in San Francisco. It was one of the things she had changed since leaving Seattle. She now wore comfortable clothes and shoes to work. The doctors in San Francisco all seemed to be obsessed with New Balance shoes, trying new models, exchanging stories and tips on where you get the biggest selection and best deals. It hadn't taken long for her to indulge even though peer pressure was something she didn't usually succumb to.

But comfortable footwear was not the reason she was almost bouncing. The day she had dreaded and obsessed about was almost over and she had gone the whole day without seeing Callie Torres or Mark Sloan. She had come directly from the airport and locked herself in one of the empty offices, using interns to run her labs and bring her the reports she needed to review. The only resident she saw had been Yang who had wisely asked no questions and offered nothing beyond an awkward hello and how are you. After that, she had simply taken instruction from Hahn.

She had run into Shepherd and there was of course no way of ignoring the Chief who had been friendlier than she had any right to expect, given their last meeting. She was after all in his hospital. This was a favor for her. She never doubted he would let her perform the surgery at Seattle Grace, but she hadn't expected friendly.

Shepherd had been awkward. They had never really been friends and she always got the feeling he resented her when she was at Seattle Grace, so it was odd when he welcomed her back and told her that her services and presence had been missed. She had almost laughed at him, only managing to stifle the laughter by concentrating on the labs she had been examining.

The surgery had gone very well. Yang had performed excellently and her patient's stats were good. She had hastily given Yang instructions to page her if anything changed and then quickly made her way to the empty office Richard had made available for her. She hung up the coat she had borrowed, slipped on her jacket and grabbed her purse almost in one motion. Not even bothering to search for the ebony black hair she had been on the look-out for all day, she bolted from the room and made a beeline for the elevator.

She had made it through the day without encountering her. There was still tomorrow when she had to return to make sure the patient was still stable, but if all was going well, that would be a short visit. They could page her for anything else, since she wouldn't be that far at Mercy.

_Not far now_, she thought to herself as she whipped around a corner, her eyes focusing on the elevator situated just in front of the main nurse's station.

Erica froze. There she was, her head bent over charts standing right in front of the damn elevators. She let out a breath trying to think. Callie had not turned around, but that was not a surprise. Erica hadn't been particularly noisy. Suddenly her vision was obscured by another body sidling up to Callie with a familiarity that made Erica's blood run just a tad cold. It was a woman, shorter than Callie, blond hair, thin. Her hands were on Callie's waist as she leaned into Callie, whispering something in her ear. Callie faced her, still seemingly unaware of the frozen figure watching them. The two women kissed and Erica felt her stomach drop. She didn't want to see this. She turned around hastily.

_What had she been thinking? _ _Seattle Grace elevators were the last place you wanted to be if you wanted to avoid someone. _

She hurriedly retraced her steps, mentally trying to recall the nearest stairwell.

******************

Mark watched the scene unfold. The sight of Arizona and Callie kissing in that non-passionate way was not news to anyone, except perhaps the blond standing a few feet away, still as a statue. Hahn.

She stood there staring, seemingly incapable of movement. Suddenly her body seemed to recover and she turned so quickly, her hair actually twirled. He shifted his eyes to Callie who was smiling at Arizona's retreating form.

"Why are you still here?" he asked.

"Just finishing up some charts," answered Callie trying to look around him to catch a glimpse of the person approaching the elevator.

"Your shift was over two hours ago. You're not waiting for Hahn, are you?" he asked knowing full well the answer.

"Fuck you Mark," said Callie returning to her charts.

"Because if you were, you just missed her."

Callie's head shot up. "What?" She was looking around frantically.

Mark leaned on the counter. "My guess is that she decided to take the stairs after watching your lack-luster make-out session with Arizona."

"Fuck!"

"You can probably still catch her if you take the...." He never got to finish. She had already bolted for the elevator which had miraculously opened as she reached it. She ran past the man waiting for it and looked impatiently at him as he hesitated before entering.

"Say hi to her for me," Mark shouted before the doors closed, catching only the barest glimpse of Callie's rude gesture.

*********************

Callie pushed the L that would take her to the main floor a thousand times not caring that the man in the elevator with her was backing himself into the opposite corner. He made no move to punch a floor, so she figured they were both heading to the same place. She stood there, leg shaking up and down in anticipation.

"Come on you piece of crap elevator," she mumbled to herself urging the elevator to move faster.

She felt a gentle thud as the elevator hit the main floor and stood directly in front of the doors. There was a delay which made her curse again.

"Open the fucking..."

The doors parted slowly. Her body had already turned as she lurched forward between the still half closed doors her feet moving fast. She felt the crash in her chest first as it collided with someone, slamming right into a shoulder in motion. Two tangled bodies reached out to each other for balance. Callie recognized the touch immediately and felt a flush of heat travel up her body, culminating in her face.

"Erica," she managed to whisper as they straightened themselves out.

Erica stood there looking at her, an unreadable expression on her face. Callie was afraid to see anger in those eyes, to watch her once again walk away from her.

But Erica was not walking. She averted her eyes. She had stepped back and seemed to look everywhere but directly at Callie.

"Erica, hey," said Callie a little louder reaching out to her now, sensing that Erica wanted to bolt.

Erica was trying hard not to look at her, but she jerked when Callie's hand touched her arm. Her eyes went to Callie's face instantly, pausing for a few seconds.

"I can't....I have to go." She made a move to leave.

"Don't. Please don't walk away again."

Callie was holding back tears. She had waited a long time to see Erica. She knew she couldn't stop her, really. Erica was a force of nature, but she had to at least try to get her to stay this time. Not like last time, when she had watched Erica walk away feeling helpless and confused, but believing there would be another day for them. She had been shocked to discover it would be the last memory she had of Erica. And now Erica was here, standing in front of her, with nervously shifting eyes. But she was standing. She was not walking away and Callie at last felt she could breathe again.

Callie smiled at her, not wanting to scare her, but wanting Erica to know that staying had been a good thing.

Erica's eyes were now focused on her. Whether they focused on her because they had nowhere else to look or because Erica had finally centered herself, Callie did not know or care. All that mattered was that she was staring into the clearest blue eyes she had every known and they were staring back.

Callie smiled again and was surprised when that smile was returned.

"Hello Dr. Tor..."

"Don't" Callie said again, with a little force. She had no desire to antagonize Erica, but she would be damned if she was going to let her use that professionalism she liked to use as her armor.

"We've seen each other naked, Erica. I think we're a bit beyond formalities, don't you?"

Callie smiled trying to make her comment sound playful and bring down the tension. Erica surprised her again by laughing. The woman didn't laugh or smile often, but when she did you knew she meant it.

"You're right. Hello Callie."

_Score one for Torres_, thought Callie as she visibly relaxed.

Callie didn't want to start the conversation she had been dying to have here in front of the very active elevators, but she didn't know how long she had Erica for. She stepped away from the elevator slightly and pulled Erica with her with a light touch on her arm. Erica did that jerky thing again.

"I um…heard you were doing a surgery here. You must have been hiding all day because I didn't see you. I only found out a couple of hours ago that you were even here."

"I'm just here today and for a short time tomorrow and then I fly back to California."

"California? Is that where you ended up?"

Erica looked down at her shoes. "Yes," she responded. "San Francisco Medical"

Callie waited to see if more was forthcoming, but Erica had never been a lots of detail kind of woman, her experience with seeing leaves notwithstanding.

"Have you been there this whole time?" asked Callie.

She knew she had to be careful. The exit doors were too close and the memory of Erica walking away from her right outside those doors was too fresh.

"Yes," Erica chuckled. "I took the first job I was offered. Not the brightest move on my part, but I was pretty… Well, it doesn't matter now."

Callie cringed.

"Listen, I have an idea. Why don't you let me take you to Joe's for a drink and you can tell me all about San Francisco."

Erica looked unsure.

"I haven't seen you in six months and....well, you never returned by calls."

Callie had not wanted to play that card, well aware that it could backfire.

Erica sighed audibly.

"Okay," she said.

_It had worked!_

Callie pounced. "Let me just change out of these scrubs."

"Why don't I meet you there?" suggested Erica standing there looking nervous with her hands jammed in the pockets of her jacket.

"No! I mean, why walk over there alone? Why don't you walk me to the resident's locker room and you can wait while I change. You can start telling me about San Francisco."

Erica seemed to struggle with the idea, her eyes shifting between the door and Callie. A full minute passed between them before she responded.

"Okay," said Erica again.

She removed her hands from her pockets and motioned towards the elevator. Callie was still watching her, wanting to be sure that she was coming. It was irrational, she knew, to not want to let this woman out of her sight, but she was too scared that she would disappear again.

They rode the elevator back up and much to Callie's surprise they did indeed chat. She had expected Erica to be silent, to make her work for every piece of information, but Erica had engaged her, answering every question about where she lived, how she liked San Francisco, what restaurants she liked and all the other inane questions people often ask to fill up conversational space.

There were plenty of other things Callie wanted to discuss, but she knew she needed to have patience with Erica or at least the Erica she had known. This person bore a striking resemblance, except she seemed a little wearier, less hard and just a tad bit more vulnerable.

*****************

Erica paused at the door to the resident's locker room.

"I'll wait out here," she said not even wanting to contemplate going in and actually watching Callie change.

"Nope. Can't have you lurking around outside, people would talk. Come on in Dr. Hahn. I won't embarrass you."

Erica looked at her like she was crazy, but much to her dismay Callie was serious. So she took a deep breath and followed her in, intent on staying by the door and well away from any place that might afford her even a glimpse of Callie changing.

They kept up the small talk, with Callie doing most of the talking now. She told Erica about the dramas of the past six months, how perspectives had changed since Erica left, how everything was so different, although in some ways they remained the same. Erica listened intently waiting for one particular nugget of information. It never came. Callie did not mention the woman she had kissed. She heard about Hunt and Dixon. She heard what sounded like a familiar story about the "new" Shepherd/Grey drama. She even heard about Sloan and Little Grey. She heard about crazy wacky interns and had to roll her eyes.

"Some things don't change about this place," she commented.

Erica had never particularly liked the way Webber ran things and even before the Stephens debacle, she had debated whether she would last at Seattle. He never seemed to like her and she certainly had no soft spot in her heart for him. It had been hard to come to terms with the fact, that if it hadn't been for Callie she might have left sooner.

Callie rolled her eyes as she walked back into Erica's line of vision, continuing their last conversation about psychotic interns.

"It's really messed up. The Chief went ballistic."

"He should," Erica said with a note of incredulity in her voice.

"Ready?" said Callie seeming refreshed and energized from her change of clothes.

************************


	5. Chapter 5

All Roads Lead Back to You (Chapter 5)

Author: rcruz

_**Disclaimer:**__ If I owned them, things would look a lot different. The characters, settings, established histories, and general Grey's Anatomy universe referenced in this work are properties of their respective owners. This is a work of fiction for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Author's Note**: It's going to be a long night for our heroines.

Chapter 5 - Seattle Nights

They walked to Joe's and it was now Erica's turn to talk again. She was not much of a storyteller, but Callie had asked and well she couldn't refuse. But then again, hadn't that been the whole problem, she could refuse Callie nothing? Isn't that precisely why she had left, before she lost herself in this woman altogether? She would have to think about that later. Instead she started talking as they walked. She told Callie about her colleagues, the work, and the city. She had tried for concise, but Callie would have none of it, constantly asking follow-up questions and sometimes follow-up questions to the follow-up questions.

They reached Joe's and Erica wondered exactly what they were doing there. She had told her stories. She had heard Callie's stories and been caught up on the crazy life of the doctor's at Seattle Grace. What else was there to say?

They entered and Erica was in a time warp. The place was the same. The sounds were the same, the smell was the same. She swore that people were sitting in the same places they were sitting in six months ago. She shook her head as she followed Callie to the bar. She approached the bar to an exuberant welcome from Joe, who reached over to shake her hand heartily before setting up a wine glass and reaching for the red wine she was fond of. Callie slid into the seat next to her smiling happily and placing her order. Joe walked away as both of them reached for their drinks. Erica had run out of things to say and the silence that settled between them started panicking her. Finally Callie broke it.

"I've missed you. I've missed my best friend."

The statement stung and produced a myriad of confusing and conflicting feelings in Erica. She took another sip refusing to look at the woman who had spoken the words. Erica had never been good with emotions, but just the sheer amount of things Callie made her feel rendered her completely incapable of words let alone rational thoughts. She was elated and hopeful, but also angry and hurt.

There had never been any doubt in Erica's mind, once she had figured out the whole gay thing, that she had fallen in love with Callie. It had scared her, and surprised her, and made her most irrational. She hadn't liked that part and that had played a role not only in her decision to leave, but in the manner in which she had left. Because Callie made her do things that just did not make sense.

The depth of feelings she had experienced for Callie made her want to be with her no matter what. It made her mix her professional and personal life, something she had never done. It made her say "okay" when things were definitely not okay. It made her determination to guard her heart behind thick walls meaningless. Callie was constantly breaking through the barriers she put up. She had done it regularly when they were getting to know each other and as Erica saw it, Callie would have continued to do it if Erica stayed at Seattle Grace.

But she didn't want to spend her days getting knocked to the ground by Callie's freak-outs about them. She couldn't decide that she needed to put up walls, only to have Callie break through them with one look, one comment, one beaming smile that made Erica forget the physical pain she experienced every time Callie turned her back on what was happening between them. It was exhausting and dangerous and damn painful. She didn't want to be that person and so she had left, without a word, without a goodbye, without a real explanation.

She felt guilty about that, but it couldn't be helped. Telling Callie would have made her attempt futile. Callie would have asked her to stay and she would have given in to the entreaty, no matter how detrimental to her heart.

And now Callie was talking about how much she had missed her and their friendship and Erica didn't know what to say. She resolved to say nothing. But then she made a mistake. She looked at Callie and it happened again. Those carefully built walls started to get shaky and she could not prevent the words from leaking out of her.

"I've missed you too."

Callie smiled at the comment and sipped from her beer, seeming to get lost in her own thoughts.

Erica looked away, cursing her weakness and the twisted way the world worked against her. She had been almost there, almost to the door and freedom. But fate was weird and cruel and Callie had practically knocked her down before she could make it to the safety that lay outside Seattle Grace. And now she was here saying things she shouldn't, feeling familiar tingling sensations, the same feelings she had ignored for months as her and Callie had developed a friendship back at the beginning of everything.

_What the hell?_ She thought, angry at how easy it was to fall into this crap again.

"So tell me more about this crazy thing you're doing with Mercy West," said Callie interrupting her thoughts.

Erica let out a relieved breath, more comfortable talking about the professional than the personal. She took another sip of her wine and decided to keep this conversation professional

*****************

The wine was making her head fuzzy. Erica noted with some trepidation that the conversation had shifted without her noticing. She resolved to slow down her wine intake, lest things become even more confusing.

"So are you happy to be here?" said Callie letting out what sounded to Erica like a frustrated breath.

Callie had been firing question after question at her in between smiles and snarky comments about Seattle Grace's adolescent residents.

_Had she seen the Chief? Had he tried to convince her to come back? __Did she know about Izzie? Had she talked to Shepherd? Would she ever consider returning to Seattle Grace? Where would she stay when she was in Seattle? _

Erica had answered honestly, having never quite developed the skill to really mask Erica from Callie, the way she did with others. Others saw Dr. Hahn, but Callie had almost always been privy to Erica. She found the questions perplexing, but by her fourth glass of wine as the fuzziness started to creep up on her, she noticed how the "work related" questions had a hint of the personal. Callie was trying to ease her into a different conversation.

Erica considered ending the evening, but the fuzziness messed with her resolve and she found herself not even wanting to muster the energy it would take to put up barriers and walk away from Callie, when Callie wanted to talk. Callie's last question had thrown her though.

_Was she happy to be here?_

She didn't know how to answer that, but Callie was looking at her expectantly.

Erica stared into her empty glass trying to think clearly. Finally, she pushed the glass forward, more to have something to do than because it was in her way.

"Yes and no," she said, hoping Callie would understand the response and end the questions.

Callie waited a few seconds before firing another question at her.

"So happy to be doing the surgery here, but unhappy that you ran into me?" she asked in a shaky voice.

Erica did not respond. For what seemed like hours to Erica, neither of them spoke. Erica could feel Callie's eyes on her and like the stupid moth she was, she turned to meet those eyes.

Callie blinked, surprised at whatever she saw in Erica's eyes. Erica had no clue what her eyes or her face were saying. She was busy trying to put the mask back up, the professional surgeon's mask, the heartless McBitchy mask, anything that would hide the turmoil she was feeling.

She wanted to cut the tension that had just invaded their space. She wanted to hear Callie's rich laugh.

"You ran into me," she said playfully.

Callie's eyes blinked rapidly and her grip tightened on the bottle she was loosely cradling and that made Erica's stomach lurch. She looked away and cleared her throat before deciding to try and answer honestly.

"No," she said, focusing her gaze on the dark, shiny wood under her hands. "I'm not unhappy that I ran into you. I'm happy to be here. I'm happy for you, that you seem to have moved on. I'm unhappy about what happened, what it's done to us, how difficult it is for us to talk."

Callie still had not mentioned the woman Erica had seen her kissing, but it had been a nagging thought taking up space in Erica's brain.

"I guess we've both moved on in some ways," said Callie. "You've found a life and a job more suitable and enjoyable to you than Seattle Grace and I..." she stopped seemingly unsure of how exactly she would characterize where she was at now as opposed to six months ago. "I resigned myself to some things," was the best she could come up with.

"Erica, I know you're uncomfortable with this, but I can't not know about you, all of you. And that means that I want an accounting, I want to know what happened. I know parts, but there are parts I don't know and I want to know."

Erica was looking away, contemplating Callie's comment. She had certainly robbed Callie of an explanation, no matter how obvious. She had deserved the courtesy of knowing exactly why Erica had left, even if any idiot could have probably guessed. But she was trying hard to figure out motivation. Why was it important to Callie? They weren't friends anymore. No matter how much they both wanted that statement to be false, it very simply was not the case. Erica had left their friendship just as surely as she had left Callie standing in front of Seattle Grace. But Erica was having a hard time subjecting herself to this emotional terrain. There was no point. They weren't friends anymore and they could not be friends again, could they?

"I know this is hard on you, so I'll tell you what. We'll play a game of darts and if I win, you have to answer my questions, but if you win, then I'll have to live with not knowing," said Callie once again invading Erica's thoughts.

Erica raised an eyebrow. Callie had never been able to win a game of darts against her.

"Come on, whatta ya say?" Callie pleaded, reaching out and placing a warm hand on Erica's arm.

_Maybe she's gotten better_, she thought sparing a brief glance and smile at Callie.

"Okay," said Erica feeling a little like she had no choice in the matter.

She braved another glass of wine, feeling like they had kind of moved into more familiar terrain. Callie had given her an out and she appreciated that. If the price she paid was a game of darts with a beautiful woman, so be it.

************************

They fell easily into the casual banter that had been so familiar to their friendship and Erica felt a pang in her heart in remembrance of that time, but the wine was making her feel confident, probably overly confident. She felt as if she could handle Callie, could handle the emotions toiling just beneath the surface.

An hour later, a disappointed Callie had gone for another round of drinks and Erica still feeling confident had settled onto a nearby stool, content to hang out a bit more. They had played three short rounds and Erica had won each one. Callie had kept buying the drinks and after the end of the last game, the fuzziness Erica had been feeling earlier had turned into a loud buzzing that was making it hard for her to control her reactions to Callie's nearness.

She was not drunk exactly, but Callie's constant touching and invading of her space was awakening a craving in her that she thought she had gotten over. Her foggy mind was struggling to hang on to her sense of self, but it was tough to do.

Callie returned and she watched her prepare for another game, lining herself up, fingering the darts in her hand, studying the board intensely. Suddenly her attention shifted and she looked towards Erica, an easy open smile on her face.

"How is it that you can do this even after so many drinks?"

Erica put her drink down and walked over unable to deny the desire to simply be closer to this woman. She stood behind Callie putting one tentative hand on Callie's shoulder, while the other reached around and extracted a single dart out of Callie's hand, their fingers touching and lingering. Their eyes met for an instant before their hands separated.

"It's in the motion of your body. A certain amount of drinking doesn't really impact that, at least not for me."

She kept a tight grip on Callie's shoulder as she brought her other arm into position, dart ready. And then very deliberately and slowly she rocked forward every so slightly, forcing Callie to rock with her by the strong grip on her shoulder and her own body's movement, her front nudging Callie's back gently. She moved them back again, shifting her weight from the balls of her feet to her heels in a slow, deliberate motion. Callie had to be nudged when Erica had moved her forward, but the trip back had seemed to be no problem for Callie. She had rocked back, right into Erica's chest. They rocked a few more times before Erica let the dart fly, hitting the bull's eye perfectly centered.

Erica had both hands on Callie's shoulders now as they both stared at the board.

"See," she said trying to sound blasé.

Callie leaned back, her body resting in Erica's arms slightly.

"I still don't know how you do that. Whenever I try that, it just goes flying wild."

"That's because you think it's a new technique. Your arm and especially your wrist movements should still be the same. The rocking motion just helps trajectory."

Callie held up another dart to Erica.

"Again?" she asked wanting Erica to stay right where she was.

"You try," Erica said stepping back and lifting her hands from Callie's shoulders. Callie immediately reached for her holding Erica in place.

"I think I need some more hand holding here, so stay."

And so against her better judgment, Erica resumed her position behind Callie and brought her hands once again to rest on Callie's shoulders.

"Ready?" she asked. Callie fingered the dart and positioned herself.

"Okay. I'm ready."

Erica put slight pressure on Callie's shoulders rocking her carefully forward and then casually swinging back to rock on her heels. She put her right hand on Callie's waist as they rocked back wanting to stabilize Callie who seemed content to let Erica guide her.

The alcohol and nearness was messing with her though, so she tried to concentrate on the movement and not on the flash of memories that were brimming at the surface of her mind waiting and wanting to be unleashed. Erica closed her eyes, needing this to end and wanting so desperately for it to continue.

Her breathing was starting to get a little uneven and this near, she knew she couldn't hide that from Callie. Bringing her mouth close to Callie's ear and holding her breath she spoke. She knew it sounded like a whisper, but she could not raise her voice above a whisper without risking a fissure in the control she was barely hanging on to.

"Anytime you're ready Callie. You let fly on the forward motion, just let your body go with the movement."

She felt Callie nod her head in acknowledgement, but Callie still did not let go and still they rocked. Their bodies had inched closer until Erica could feel Callie all along her length. She knew she was close. She was close to closing her eyes and wrapping her arms around Callie's body tightly, breathing that scent that she had missed for so many months and damn all the consequences. Just like a moth to a flame.

Instead she closed her eyes tight and whispered to Callie again.

"Just let go Callie. Just. Let. Go."

She felt the motion of Callie's arm and opened her eyes just in time to see the dart hit its mark, right dead center almost knocking her previous piece to the side in its accuracy.

"Holy shit!" She heard from the woman still in front of her.

Erica was still hanging on to Callie and the rational side of her brain, which seemed to be suffering from bouts of fatigue lately, was fairly screaming at her to remove her hold on this woman, who was not hers to hold.

But Callie had turned around right into Erica before she could react and grabbed Erica's hands as she moved away, effectively preventing her from retreating.

"Did you freaking see that? That was amazing."

And suddenly her excitement seemed uncontainable as she flung her arms around Erica and hugged her. Erica had no choice really but to hug her back in a full, body crushing hug that almost brought tears to her eyes at what she had so utterly lost.

They hugged and held on to each other like two old friends and just when decorum required that they should separate, they tightened their hold, like people that had been so much more, wanting to hang on to the so much more.

Finally they parted. Erica was starting to worry, about herself and about Callie. Callie was with someone. Erica shouldn't be ogling her and feeling her up. Callie was with someone. Someone who would rightly not appreciate an ex or whatever she was, getting so close to Callie. She stepped back smiling shyly and squeezing the hands that still held hers before turning her body and making her way to her glass of wine, downing it uncharacteristically, pretending it was something, way, way stronger.

There was an uneasy silence between them now, and Erica wondered if their evening had come to an end. She prepared herself for that, telling herself that she was thankful to have had this one night, where for now at least, everything seemed okay and the past seemed like an awful, but distant nightmare.

Then Callie was in her space again, still smiling that same excited smile she'd had when that dart hit its mark.

"Hey why don't we get out here? I think you've had one too many and I still want to talk with you."

Erica was surprised, but she couldn't help but smile. She wanted this. She wanted this evening and if she was honest many more evenings with Callie despite how impossible that idea was. The many more was impossible, but tonight seemed within reach and so she started to say 'okay' and "what next?" when that rational side of her brain, weakened either by alcohol or Callie, Erica wasn't sure which, gave one last shot at sanity and kicked into gear.

_End this now._ _Go back to the hotel, sleep off the liquor, hope you can function tomorrow and move on. She is with someone else. She isn't yours. Never will be… probably never was._

"Um," she started to say. "I think you're right. I've had a little too much. I should probably just call it a night and get a cab."

"Don't worry, I'm driving," said Callie confidently gathering their things, her and Erica's purses, their jackets casually draped over stools.

"But, you've been drinking too," protested Erica not understanding why Callie was not backing away. She almost always did when things got too intense or complicated.

"No. I've been drinking water for the last hour. I'm fine. Come on. Let's get some coffee and sober you up a bit. I'll just pick you up tomorrow morning before rounds. You have to come back to Seattle Grace right? At least to check on your post-op patient."

"Yeah, but what about..."

"Come on, Hahn. You need some coffee and food."

Callie led them out, confidently walking back toward the Seattle Grace parking lot to find her car. She had both purses over her shoulder and their jackets draped over her left hand. She had grabbed Erica with her right hand and was practically pulling a confused Erica along.

Erica was trying to focus, to center herself and think, and be rational, but that part of her brain had made one last gasp a few minutes ago and then seemed to faint or pass out or something, because it was now eerily quite and all she could think was how good it felt to be holding Callie's hand, being pulled by her instead of doing the pulling. She knew it would end the moment Callie was sure Erica was following and she contemplated feigning resistance just so Callie could keep holding, but that rational part woke up momentarily. She heard the faint reminder that Callie was with someone echo in her head again as they walked and she straightened hoping Callie would understand that she was following and that there was no longer any need to pull.

But they continued to walk hand in hand and Callie made no move to let go. She simply smiled at Erica as they walked, side by side and so Erica shrugged off the whispers and smiled back at Callie, squeezing her hand and trying not to think about tomorrow or the next day, days that were bound to be empty of this wonderful presence by her side. She refused to think about how she was setting herself up, how all her long tortured therapy sessions had not brought her very far and how she would be back at square one when she returned to San Francisco.


	6. Chapter 6

All Roads Lead Back to You (Chapter 6)

Author: rcruz

_**Disclaimer:**__ If I owned them, things would look a lot different. The characters, settings, established histories, and general Grey's Anatomy universe referenced in this work are properties of their respective owners. This is a work of fiction for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Author's Note**: Sorry for the late update. I have been trying to post this since Saturday, but alas there were technical difficulties. This was also one of the more challenging chapters to write. Part of the motivation for this piece was to try and explain Callie's behavior during the time when she and Erica were getting together. I find the behavior hard to understand, so needless to say, this chapter has gone through an impossible number of drafts. We get the big talk in the next chapter.

Chapter 6 – The Mistakes We Can't Take Back

Callie drove, intensely aware of the silent figure sitting beside her seemingly lost in her thoughts. It was hysterical to her to be so aware of what she was doing and so unsure of it at the same time. She had wanted to see Erica. It was something she knew with such clarity that it was scaring her a little. The only thing she knew with that level of clarity was surgery and bones. But she was flying blind too, unsure of exactly how she should proceed or how the evening would ultimately end.

Her personal life had always been insane. Brilliant in math and science, so sure of herself intellectually, always making the right moves, the right decisions professionally, but throw some personal problem at her and she became a bumbling idiot. She lacked judgment when it came to her personal life. She had learned that after the whole George thing. That experience had cost her something. She hadn't been aware of it at the time, but now she knew.

She had tried so hard to make the thing with George not insane. She wanted so badly to have that not be another one of her really bad, bad, bad personal decisions. And so she had given up all of herself to George, thinking that's what you did in love, in marriage. That was her compromise, her sacrifice, her commitment to making this marriage thing work. But George didn't do the same and she had not seen that. She had never seen it.

George had loved her. She knew that, but it was not romantic love, not really. They were friends and she had mistaken that for something else because she liked him, had been attracted to him and had jumped from attraction, to like, to love in less time than it had taken her to set his shoulder on that fateful day, when she had first run into him in the stairway.

With George she had been spontaneous and wanted instant gratification and thought she knew what love was and so she jumped into churning waters head first, without a lifejacket, heedless of the dangers, like she always did. She was not thinking because she reserved her thinking for bones and surgery and medicine and so there was nothing left over for her personal life.

But she hadn't known that at the time. She hadn't realized that her spontaneous, sometimes wild decisions were motivated by pure base feeling. It was like enjoying the Grateful Dead and then deciding that meant you had to follow them everywhere. It wasn't right to think that, but some people did and right now she was grateful she had never been a fan, because she might have ended up in one of those smelly, nasty, groupie camps that followed them everywhere. She had never really understood why her personal decisions always, always, blew up in her face. She thought her thinking made sense, not realizing until recently that she hadn't been thinking at all.

How was it possible that she was able to look at bones and calculate in her head exactly how to fix them and yet she couldn't do the same with her personal life? She was smart, brilliant really, good with people, and completely confident. How was it possible then that the skills she employed in her profession didn't translate to her personal life? She couldn't accept that and so she often plunged into things without thinking and when it all went wrong, as it eventually did, she was left perplexed, thinking that she just hadn't tried hard enough, that the problem was her, that she had not found the right thing to do and that she needed to be better. She never considered that emotions follow no logic and that just because you wanted something to be true, didn't make it so, especially in matters of the heart.

She thought she had finally learned her lesson and had resolved to not leap or plunge anymore. She would go much more slowly and stop assuming things. She thought she could handle anything, having tucked away the lessons she had learned from the whole George experience. She thought she could just pull them out like formulas and she would know what to do. Then she fell in love with a woman. She had not been prepared for that. She had not imagined the scenario at all and that had thrown off her new resolution to go slow and think things through, because falling for a woman was different. Erica had been different and so she had been thrust into a tailspin and could not stop the freak-outs.

_My God, it was so different_. _How she could have missed it before?_

Things between her and Erica were one hundred times more intense than anything that had happened to her before and that had scared her. She did not want to repeat the George incident. But she had been off-balance with Erica. Callie came on strong reacting to the intensity of it all by plunging without thinking, only to drastically pull back and retreat, because Erica made her feel out of control and she needed to rein that in. The result was a push-pull thing with Erica. But instead of dealing with her developing feelings, she convinced herself that it wasn't love at all because she wasn't gay. It was just sex or basic attraction and curiosity.

Sometimes she had thought that all she was doing was retreating in order to finally think things through like she had never done with George. Think before plunging was her motto. She was wrong. She had not been thinking. She had just been reacting, reacting to the intensity and to her own fears. The intensity was so great that it made her plunge into unclear waters, but the fear made her scramble out immediately, unsure, shaken, and very scared.

Had she really stopped to think, she might have actually talked to Erica, explained the plunge and retreat she was doing. But she was scared that Erica would see the crazy and walk away before Callie had the chance to figure everything out. And so she had turned to second best, her friend Mark, who had tried to be supportive. He really had tried and she genuinely thought he cared about her. But he was also kind of sleazy and his sense of morals where slightly above a pig's, so he had not really kept her afloat long enough to figure out how to swim in the waters she had plunged into. Instead he helped pull her out and then let her plunge back in again and again, until she was so turned around she lost sight of everything.

Unfortunately, she had taken Erica with her and Erica was not used to plunging into anything. She was not used to Callie's freak-outs. Erica had trusted her. They had promised to be scared together. But Erica was way braver than her and more rational and more in control and Callie was just not. Every emotion she felt set off a bout of crazy because this thing was stronger than anything that Callie had every felt with anyone. She was forever going back and forth between trying to learn from her mistakes and taking things slow and being terrified of what she was experiencing and then freaking out about it.

Erica had gone along with her every time. Callie thought it was probably because Erica didn't know what else to do. She had seemed to figure herself out much more quickly than Callie, seemed so not freaked out by it. Callie figured she was hanging on waiting for Callie to catch up, to figure herself out, probably hoping that at some point they would plunge in the water together and stay there, navigate the rough rapids and help each other stay afloat until they moved to calmer parts.

But Callie had never reached that place. Instead she had gone with the freak-outs trying to prove that she was not as affected by Erica as all that, trying to maintain a semblance of self that did not involve questioning her sexuality or what having all of these feelings for Erica meant. She had been disgusted with herself after her liaisons with Mark, but she had not thought about that while she and Erica were trying to make things work. After Erica left, she could not, not think about what she had done. She had stood in her room two nights after Erica left staring at herself in the mirror, thinking. It was then that she saw with a clarity that had almost brought her to her knees, just how much damage she had done. What George had done to her had not even compared.

_Erica had kissed her in the elevator. Afterwards, she had acted normal, treating the kiss like the joke it was. If it triggered anything in her, she didn't let it freak her out. It was Callie who had freaked out. It was Callie who had continued to try and prove that she was not feeling what she was feeling by sleeping with Mark. And he had not helped. His dirty talk only sent her into more of a tailspin. It had sent her freak-out meter sky high. She had been awkward with Erica, but Erica just kept acting normally. They were friends. Erica had made it clear that she wanted to be friends. She even accepted Callie's relationship with Sloan, because that's what friends did._

_But Callie had pushed._

_It was Callie that plunged them into choppy waters when she kissed Erica. She had kissed Erica in the parking lot because she couldn't get the words out, but it had all been too much, so she had retreated and pulled back. Erica seemed to respect that, had seemed to need the distance to work things out as well_

_It was the hypothermia patient that made her plunge the second time, because she had seen a glimmer during that episode of their old relationship. Erica who had very little patience for doctors who stumbled and stuttered, who didn't know exactly what they were doing and why, had centered her, allowing her to think and recall the research she had done to complete the procedure. Erica had been her friend and teacher in that moment, despite the awkwardness between them and the uncertainty about aspects of their relationship. Erica was still her friend and so she had reacted to the intensity of the moment by plunging a second time wanting to try to work out what was happening between them._

_Erica, who had been in the same free fall as her, had to listen to her mumble about how she didn't like kissing girls. But she had recovered, telling Erica that she liked kissing one girl, Erica. The smile she got in return was priceless. That had been enough then and though Erica didn't say it, it was written all over her face; she liked kissing Callie too. So they decided to be scared together._

_But Callie balked, because it became too much. She had thought she had it all figured out. She had been comfortable with the slow pace. The countless nights of hand holding and casual, but knowing touches were good. She liked the touches and the tingly feeling they produced. She didn't think beyond that. She just accepted Erica's attentions and then processed things with Mark, whom she suspected was getting a kind of perverse pleasure at listening to her process. She should have been talking to Erica. But her fear of the unknown kept her from doing that. She wanted to cling to the known and Mark she knew. She knew exactly what she had with him and what she could expect. There were no surprises. _

_And then Erica asked her out and everything changed again. She said yes, because it seemed natural and made Erica happy, but she was uncomfortable again, because it was different and intense and so she freaked. She had almost stood her up. She showed up, but had asked for rules because rules meant boundaries and she felt like she needed that. Hell, what she needed was a manual because she had no experience with the intensity of this whole girl thing and the girl-sex thing was freaking her out too. Wanting to push aside the intensity of the feelings, she focused on the sex and once again mistakenly concentrated on the wrong issue. _

_She had focused on sex when that was not what was going on with them. She had liked kissing Erica and had been wanting do it again, but those thing she was feeling had not been about sex. If it had, sex with Mark probably would have quenched whatever physical yearnings she was having. It so clearly didn't. But she hadn't wanted to think about her feelings because that would be George all over again, mistaking attraction for love, and so she chose to think about the thing with Erica as physical attraction and curiosity. _

_Erica had alleviated her fears about the whole sex thing, telling her they needed to take it slow, that this was new to the both of them and that she understood wanting to process things deliberately. Then they had jumped into bed anyway, before either of them was ready. Erica had taken it in stride probably still under the impression that it was the two of them, that they were being scared together swirling around in those waters. But Callie had climbed out._

_She had been nervous and she had been thinking about it all wrong. She had been afraid of the intensity, of how it had started to feel like George all over again except more pronounced and because she didn't want to be that vulnerable again, she convinced herself that it was just sex and had kept her focus there that first night. She had not thought about Erica, she had just seen a woman. She saw a woman just like her and she freaked. Men she knew. She had a whole knowledge bank stocked up about men, but women? She didn't even have an account for women and while she had enjoyed what Erica did to her, she had had no idea how to reciprocate. _

_All she knew was that she knew nothing, nothing at all. She marveled once again at Erica's bravery and competency and just over-all kick-assedness. Because Erica had just known things or seemed to know things and Callie didn't and she hated not knowing. She hadn't known what to think or do or how to act. __She didn't know and Erica knew, but she couldn't ask Erica because that was lame. __She had left Erica early the next morning and headed to the hospital. _

_She was in full freak-out mode by the time she got there and had decided the whole thing had been a mistake. __Erica had to think so too, right?_

Callie looked over at Erica, who seemed to be mired in her own thoughts, as they made their way to the diner Callie had mentioned. She wondered if she could explain it now. Would Erica accept an explanation of her freak-outs that was itself so weird? She shook her head.

_Yeah right, Torres, even I wouldn't accept such a lame explanation._

"You okay?" she heard Erica ask in a soft voice.

Callie chuckled. "Yeah, just thinking."

"About?"

The question was natural, but Callie suspected that Erica regretted asking. She had glanced at her as she spoke wanting to give Erica her full attention and had seen it in her face. How she had sucked in a breath immediately after the question was out, as if that would reverse things and she could just take the question back, how her eyes looked away and her body tensed.

Callie was perplexed. It was an innocent question. _Was Erica afraid of what she was thinking?_ She didn't know, but had resolved that tonight, she wanted to be honest.

"Honestly? About us. About what happened. But…let's eat before we have that conversation."

She reached over to lay a comforting hand over Erica's. Erica's head spun around.

"Callie, I know you want to talk about what happened, but I'm not sure I'm ready."

Callie didn't respond. She was driving more slowly than she usually did, partly to extend her time with Erica, but also because she needed to execute this evening perfectly. She needed to have this talk whether Erica was ready or not, because people walk away and they sometimes don't come back. And if by chance they do, you better take the opportunity to tell them everything you want to tell them, because you might not get another chance. She had sensed that the talk was not going to happen at Joe's and so she had to adjust her plan, which is why they were headed to a diner. She had come this far. Erica was talking to her, letting Callie touch her, not yelling or ignoring or being mean, which Erica was capable of and would have been well within her rights to do. But she knew she couldn't push and so she was approaching this slowly. She said nothing and just smiled, squeezed the hand she was holding and kept driving.

Perhaps Erica had been calmed by Callie's silence or maybe she was just plain tired and still a little drunk. Whatever the reason Callie saw her visibly relax, resting her head against the head rest and closing her eyes, leaving Callie to once again get lost in her past, reliving the horrible mistakes she had made.

_She had analyzed and analyzed their first night together and decided that the problem was that she didn't like girl sex, that the whole experience had been a mistake and since she had choked, she was sure Erica had had a lousy time too and maybe they could just decide that it was a stupid experiment and just go back to being friends. Maybe then all of the things she was feeling would go away too. But Erica had happily asked her out again, told her she had a good time, and clearly wanted to repeat it. _

_Callie had been shocked. How could Erica have possibly liked it when Callie had not done anything? _

_Her mind had been in turmoil that day, wondering how to handle this new obstacle. Erica's familiar touch in the x-ray viewing room had triggered anxiety and so she had reacted without thinking telling Erica that she couldn't do it. Erica had looked confused at first and then it had dawned on her and she had given her thought voice. _

_"You didn't like it."_

_Callie stood there unthinking not knowing what to say, but knowing her face was expressing too much doubt and apprehension. She watched as Erica walked away._

_The lump in her stomach formed immediately after and so she had analyzed the situation some more and decided that it was a matter of learning and building up her knowledge. Everything else would fall into place if she only had the right information. She went in search of Sloan. _

_Sloan complied with her bizarre request and had demonstrated the "Sloan Maneuver". It had been a pure learning exercise for her. She found herself concentrating on the technique, trying to visualize what she had to do, cataloguing everything, figuring out angles and positions and movement._

_She was busy just staring at the ceiling engaged in this intellectual exercise when he looked up._

_"Hey!" he had shouted._

_"What?" she responded clearly annoyed that he had interrupted her learning process._

_"I don't think this is getting us anywhere," he said undoubtedly disappointed by her lack of involvement. "I mean can you pretend you like what I'm doing? This is kind of hurting my ego that I can see you writing a textbook in your head."_

_"Whatever just finish, okay?"_

_"Finish? I don't think we've even started."_

_"Just... will you just continue? I need to know more."_

_He smirked a little. "Okay fine, but do me a favor. As you're writing your little how to manual, try to paint a picture of what you'll be doing. It'll make the learning process easier. Use pictures."_

_She frowned at him. "Whatever, just continue."_

_He did and she did consider what he said and starting imagining herself doing what he was doing to Erica and all of a sudden she stopped thinking in textbooks. She stopped writing step by step instructions and let her imagination take over her body. Suddenly it wasn't Mark she was feeling down there, it was a smooth face with blonde tresses spreading around her legs and she was absolutely and totally gone._

_Afterwards she remembered opening her eyes and being surprised to find Mark's twisted smile looking at her. She had almost convinced herself that it hadn't been him. She scowled at him as she got up, hurriedly reaching for her pants, wanting so very much to make her fantasy a reality, hoping she wasn't too late for a second chance with Erica. _

But she couldn't realistically explain that to Erica, because it was weird and icky. There was no way to really explain what sex with Mark had meant, that she had been thinking about Erica, and getting turned on by thoughts of Erica without talking about what Mark had been doing and that part was just...icky.

She saw the familiar light of the diner and maneuvered her car into the small lot. They walked the short distance to the diner in silence. Callie was becoming too accustomed to Erica's nearness and how it felt to touch her and how much she missed it, so she circled Erica's right arm with both of hers and pulled herself close as they walked. Erica looked at her with a hint of confusion, but other than the perplexed look, she didn't discourage the closeness.

An hour later, Erica was sobering up. Callie could just tell. It wasn't anything she could really pinpoint. Maybe her eyes seemed a little clearer, maybe her focus a little sharper. Callie wasn't really sure. She just knew that Erica was pushing the fuzziness of alcohol to the side. They had eaten and that might have helped, but now they were sitting in a strange place and Callie wanted to have that conversation and she knew they couldn't have it here either, but she thought that maybe Erica was ready now.

They had chatted amiably, but the conversation had seemed heavy. Maybe Erica sensed what was going on, that Callie had kind of orchestrated this because she just needed to talk about what happened. Callie had not quite figured out why she needed to have this particular conversation. She just knew she did.

From the moment she had heard from Mark that Erica was in Seattle, walking the halls of Seattle Grace, everything in her had become single-handedly focused on one thing and one thing only - talking to Erica Hahn. So she had planted herself in front of the elevator she was sure Erica had to use to exit the building and waited. She had offered no real explanation to Arizona. They had plans to have dinner, but Callie had just told her she couldn't, that an old friend was in town who she wanted to see. Arizona had accepted the explanation and trotted off in good humor and Callie had felt her stomach drop with guilt, because it was Erica she was talking about and in many ways, Callie knew she had never really gotten over Erica. If she was honest with herself, she could pinpoint the guilt. It wasn't really hard. Erica Hahn taking up space in her world pushed everything else out, including Arizona. She always had.

Callie stared at her over their weak cups of coffee, wondering if Erica knew the power she possessed, because Callie was sure that if Erica asked her to leave the state with her this very minute, she would without a moment's hesitation. That feeling used to scare her, but she'd had six months to get used to life without Erica and she hated it and she didn't know what they could be to each other, she just knew that Erica had to be a part of her life and so she was determined that they talk tonight and clear the air and move forward, because Callie needed her.

Callie placed her hand casually over Erica's and leaned forward, ready to make her next move.

"How about we get some real coffee and then go back to your hotel? It might be a more comfortable place to talk."

Erica stared at the coffee in her cup, trying to concentrate on that and not on Callie's hand. She was torn. The now sober part of her wanted to pull away, to shut her emotions off, to protect her heart from further injury. But her heart was having a field day with her body and mind and kept her hand still, unmoving, just reveling in the warmth.

And it seemed to take over her ability to speak because before she knew it, she was saying okay. They paid the check and walked out, Callie once again easily grabbing Erica's hand in hers as they walked to Callie's car.

_Had she been like this before?_

Erica couldn't recall. She did a mental shrug deciding that it was a short walk to the car and really no harm could come of it.


	7. Chapter 7

All Roads Lead Back to You (Chapter 7)

Author: rcruz

_**Disclaimer:**__If I owned them, things would look a lot different. The characters, settings, established histories, and general Grey's Anatomy universe referenced in this work are properties of their respective owners. This is a work of fiction for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Author's Note**: Slightly longer update. We're a little more than half-way there. Any mistakes are mine and I apologize in advance. Comments are welcome.

Chapter 7 – All the Things We Should Have Said

Erica was feeling relaxed which was strange given the situation she found herself in. She and Callie had been silent on the way over to the hotel. They had stopped at the fancy coffee shop located in the lobby and walked out with one vanilla skinny latte and one triple mocha, no whip cream, extra hot and were now heading for her room. It was strange and surreal, but she wasn't freaked out or nervous or anxious, all the things she was feeling before leaving San Francisco that morning. She couldn't quite figure out what was going on with her and was surprised to be okay with that.

Callie had not let up on the hand holding, reaching almost automatically for Erica when they got out of the car and now as they made their way to the 4th floor. They had not said much on the way upstairs, but the silence was not oppressive. It was comfortable.

Finally they made it inside the stuffy room which, besides being nice and smelling of lavender or whatever was in the potpourri the hotel had placed in strategic and decorative places, still had that recycled air quality to it.

She dropped her keys and purse and walked over to the living room area, which contained a small couch and chair. She sat on one of the end of the couch. Callie followed her and sat at the other end, giving Erica space.

She sipped slowly from her coffee and smiled at Callie, who was just looking at her. Callie smiled back and sipped from her own beverage.

Finally, Erica spoke. "So where do we begin?"

"I'd like to say the beginning, but I...I'm not sure where that is exactly for you," said Callie.

They were silent again.

"How about you explain that night to me?" offered Callie, her eyes intense.

_This is what she really wants_, thought Erica, _an explanation as to why I left._

Erica inclined her head thinking. She closed her eyes to help center herself, doing mental preparations in her head. Finally she opened her eyes.

"Okay, but we need to lay down some ground rules."

"Okay"

"I don't think this conversation is going to be easy for either of us."

"That's an understatement."

Erica chuckled looking down at the warm coffee cup in her lap.

"Yeah, so I want to...I need to know that we're speaking truths, no matter how...painful."

"Okay," said Callie waiting for more.

"We both need to be okay with that. No holding back," Erica clarified.

Callie nodded in acknowledgment. They were silent again until Callie cleared her throat.

"I have a rule or whatever," she announced sitting up slightly in anticipation. "No matter how painful, no one leaves until the talk is over. We can stop talking if it gets to be too much, but no one leaves."

"Fair enough," whispered Erica, fully aware of the reasons behind the request. She really couldn't think of any more rules or rather she could, but she knew they were unreasonable and unenforceable so what was the point? She wanted to say no freak-outs and no involving of other people to work out the crap between them, but again, not really something she could reasonably ask for. So she took a deep breath and tried to go back to that night.

She started, not at the beginning, because she couldn't really identify the beginning, but at the end.

"I left Seattle Grace because I couldn't be there anymore. It was not a good fit. It was turning me into someone I didn't want to be."

"Erica," interrupted Callie clearly annoyed. "I'm less interested in why you left the hospital than..."

Erica held a hand up, "Just let me tell it my way, okay." She smiled shyly, knowing and understanding how hard this was going to be for Callie.

"I left the hospital for professional reasons. I need you to understand that. It was professional. What happened with Stephens… I couldn't stay after that. It wasn't because of you. I left _Seattle_ because of you, but not the hospital."

Callie cringed. Erica took a sip of her coffee before beginning again.

"I was angry, angrier than I have ever been in my life that night and anger in that situation makes sense. But I was trying really hard not to be angry and eventually that got me even more pissed because that's irrational. Except that's exactly what everyone at that hospital was doing. It's what they always do. They act irrational when they should be rational and rational when they should be irrational."

She frowned, not sure if she was making sense, no matter how crystal clear that had sounded in her head.

"Rational is what I do and at that hospital, it's not what they do. When I realized that... I realized that I had started doing that too…what they did. I was trying not to be angry. It was really confusing and I was trying to... I was trying to get a handle on that, trying to understand why I was reining in my anger at a situation that so clearly called for it."

She looked up blinking rapidly for a few seconds and taking a deep breath before continuing.

"I realized I was doing all of that because of you. Because you were at the hospital and I wanted to be where you were and so I was trying to control that part of myself that wanted to lash out against what was going on or had gone on. But it was hard, because I knew that what had gone on with Denny and Izzie was wrong. I was trying to work it out. I had talked to Richard, but he wasn't budging and I was trying to figure out what to do next. When I talked to you that night, calling UNOS was one of the things I was considering, but I... It wasn't a real consideration. My future was caught up in that hospital too...or so I thought."

She laughed nervously and looked over at Callie who had relaxed into the couch, coffee cup still in hand, her focus completely on Erica.

"I'm not a joiner. I have my career and my career. I don't make friends easily. People don't hire me because I'm nice. They hire me because I'm good at my job. I've worked in a number of hospitals, working side by side with people who I don't really know outside the professional and I was always okay with that. It was the same when I arrived at Seattle Grace. I wasn't interested in being friends with anyone. I just wanted to head my department and go for Chief of Surgery when Richard finally retired. That was my goal."

She paused again trying to figure out how to tell the rest.

"And that's what I was doing. Until you. Before you there was just the position, after you... I started to want more. I wanted to fit in at Seattle Grace. I started to feel like I wanted to be a part of something. But then the Denny thing... It was wrong Callie and my patient paid the price. After that, I came to realize that maybe the hospital and I were not a good fit. It was not acceptable to me and Richard's handling…well I won't go into that. I know you don't agree with me on that one."

Erica stared at the coffee cup in her hands.

"I was angry because I should have known that before, and I did know it somewhere, but I was ignoring it because you were there and you were part of that hospital and I wanted to be a part of you. When I talked to you and you, YOU defended Stephens... It was like something just broke inside of me. Because I was really trying to fit into your world a little, but you were not...you didn't seem interested in my side, how I was seeing things.

"You thought I was wrong, that I should fall in line just like everyone else and let this go and I guess I had wanted you on my side trying to figure it out with me.

"And then it just hit me. You were a part of Seattle Grace and I was not. I was trying to be a part of you and I guess I thought that if I made myself more a part of the hospital, I would be a part of you too, but I wasn't a part of it and you were and we were just not...a part of each other. Then I saw how it made sense that you of all people would defend Stephens. In its own twisted way, it made sense. If you were a part of that hospital, it made sense. And I didn't really understand that logic or that rationale, because I wasn't. And then I got angry because after everything...after everything we went through...after I made myself...and I was trying to deal with....you and Mar..."

She stopped, closed her eyes and took another breath, willing herself to get through her little speech, get out everything she needed to say without breaking down. She had to get it out before she just swallowed it up again, because this was the hard part, this was the part that would probably hurt Callie, who was more interested in why Erica had left her than what had happened between her and Richard or her and Stephens.

She took a sip to relax her throat and gave Callie a weak smile. Callie was quiet and had barely made any movement, eyes glistening with moisture.

"After everything, I was still alone. See that whole time I thought I wasn't, but at that point I knew I was." She wiped away a stray tear and continued.

"I'm sorry I said I didn't know you. I said that in anger, but what I was really angry about was that I seemed to not know myself very well. I was panicking because I had lost myself completely in you. I had given everything I could and I was left with nothing, not even your support as a friend. Everything just crashed down on me. All the pain I had tried to push to the side and ignore every time you ran away from me or ran to Mark instead of me, every rejection, every time you let me believe we were moving forward only to run away, just crashed down on me and I realized how very, very stupid I had been. What I thought had been happening with us, was so not what was happening. And so I said that, said I really didn't know you. The truth was I didn't think I knew me."

Erica found it surprising that she had gotten through the story without too many tears. She looked over at Callie and could not help but gasp at what she saw in Callie's eyes. She put her coffee cup down and reached across the couch for Callie's hand.

"Callie, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left. I know it was unfair, but ..."

"No, it's the truth," said Callie trying to pull herself together. She removed her hand from Erica's and wiped away the tears. "I was a freak and I did kind of reject you and I was doing a push-pull thing, and I… did other things. I stopped treating you like a friend, when you were becoming more than a friend and I was finding it hard to reconcile the more than a friend with the friend part," she said accepting the box of tissues that Erica handed her.

"I started getting involved in this thing with you and I forgot we were friends and hurt you. I ended up losing both things."

Erica had retrieved her coffee cup and just sat staring at the cup in her lap, feeling it slowly settle into a lukewarm state.

"I'm sorry Callie," was all she could say.

"No. I should be apologizing to you. I was the one that kept walking away, that kept freaking out, that didn't talk to you, that slept with..." Callie looked away. "And you just kept saying okay and I kept doing it. I kept doing things to push you away. I can't....figure out why I did that, except to say that I was scared. I'm not good with relationships. Don't have a good track record and this one just messed me up. I was a complete freak show, maybe because you were a woman or maybe because we were friends. I don't know. I felt like I couldn't talk to you, because I couldn't freak out to you about you. So it had to be Mark. I know you hate him, but he's the one that encouraged me to pursue you. I don't know why and at first I thought it was a game for him, but anyway he was there and I could freak out to him about you."

Erica cleared her throat in an effort to rein in the thoughts streaming through her head.

_You could have freaked out to him without sleeping with him,_ was one of those thoughts. But her mouth stayed shut and she continued to listen.

"I hurt you. I know that. But you hurt me too. You were going so fast and you were so sure of yourself, of us, of everything and I couldn't keep up, because it wasn't like that for me. I wasn't seeing leaves. I wasn't seeing anything. I didn't know I was supposed to be looking. I was just...glad that I had gotten over the sex thing." She paused. "That didn't come out right."

Erica wanted to keep her focus on Callie, wanted to be there for her, to let her say what she needed to say. After all she had been the one that had demanded the whole truth, had banned half-truths. But it was hard. Callie's last declaration ignited her anger and she had to look away. She closed her eyes and concentrated on breathing. She couldn't look at Callie but she wouldn't say anything either. She just swallowed the words and tried really hard not to think about Callie's statement, not now. Maybe later she could examine it, look at it rationally, but not now.

_Damn it!_ _Callie did this to her every single time._

Erica did not lose control this easily, except with Callie. She shifted in her seat, so intent on her own process, that she was unaware of the silence that had fallen. Her thoughts continued like a slow bleed across her heart winding through cracks in walls that she had tried in vain to set up against this woman.

_She had gotten over the sex thing. Good for you,_ she wanted to scream. _Sorry sex with me was something you had to get over_.

A touch on her knee was her first indication that Callie had moved. Erica hadn't heard her, had not felt the depression on the couch she was fairly certain she should have felt as Callie sat down.

"Erica?"

Callie's voice sounded concerned and Erica felt certain she could no longer bottle up the emotions, but she was going to try, to the very last possible moment, she would try. She felt Callie's gaze on her though, willing Erica to turn her head. But Erica was having none of it and still refused to look at her. The tears began first. They just seemed to leak out of her without her permission. She tried closing her eyes, she tried jamming her fingers over her eyelids as hard as possible to quell the stream, but they just kept coming. She wanted to push Callie away, positive that if she could just get away from here, from her, they would stop and she would regain some semblance of control. But this had always been her problem with Callie. When Callie pushed, Erica irrationally wanted to pull and when she wanted to push, Callie would be there pulling.

She was conflicted, simultaneously wanting to bury her face in her hands, and use those hands to push Callie away. Suddenly she felt Callie's arm go around her shoulders and she knew she was going to have to do something. She let out a breath and with all the precious self-control she could muster, she spoke, pushing aside the queasiness, the nausea, her wildly beating heart, the part of her that remembered Callie's body and wanted to melt into it, and reached for the anger she still felt and just spoke the words she had fought to hold in only moments ago.

"I'm sorry sex with me was something you had to get over."

Callie froze. Erica felt her stiffen, felt her start to retreat from their closeness and she started to feel relieved, thinking Callie would back away and Erica would be able to build up her little walls again, even if this woman could knock them down with a touch and a few innocent words. But the arm around her hesitated only slightly before resettling itself around her. The hand at her knee squeezed before it came up to Erica's face, caressing it.

Erica still had her eyes closed. She was afraid. She was afraid of opening them and looking at Callie, at what she would find if she did, of what Callie would see in her eyes. Callie continued the gentle caress.

"Sex with you was the most wonderful thing I have ever experienced." Callie's voice was shaky. Erica heard her take a breath before she continued.

"I was just too stupid to recognize it at the time. I was out of my comfort zone and I convinced myself that it was something else. I wanted to believe it was just sex. It wasn't. It was so much more."

Callie's hand settled back down on Erica's knee. Despite her body's disturbing reactions to Callie's nearness and the confusion it was creating for Erica, she was intrigued by Callie's declaration. She continued listening intently.

"When we first started....we didn't know what we were to each other and I kept comparing you to every boy I ever dated, every guy I had ever had sex with, every relationship I ever had. It was different and I was trying to figure out why. And I think I latched on to the thing that had always been important in every other relationship I'd been in, sex. Because the sex was different and focusing on it made it possible for me to not think about how I felt about us in here," she pointed to her heart.

"It is different," Erica said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah but that wasn't why _we_ were different. But I was too...I thought it had all started with sex. I wanted that to be true, because I didn't want to go through what I had gone through with George."

She squeezed Erica's knee once again before standing up. She paced back and forth not saying anything. Erica was too drained to speak, glad of the opportunity to get herself together. She looked at Callie wondering what she was struggling with. Deciding they both needed a break she stood as well.

"I'm going to freshen up a bit," she said pointing to the bathroom. Callie looked up at her in alarm as she stood up and Erica noticed the worried eyes that glanced at the bathroom and its close proximity to the door.

Erica placed a hand on Callie's arm trying to reassure her.

"I'll just be a minute." She held Callie's gaze wanting to communicate that she was not going to leave and waited for the small smile Callie sent her way before slowly walking to the bathroom.

She reached the door and flicked the light switch wincing a little at the harsh lights. She looked at herself in the mirror and almost laughed out loud. Red swollen eyes and a tear-stained face made her look ghoulish. She shook her head and turned on the water, splashing cold water on her face, hoping to wash away some of the hurt that seemed to have accumulated right there in her eyes, nose, cheekbones, lips, and everywhere on her face. _Thank_ _god you didn't have some seduction planned_, she thought.

*********************

Callie was pacing and biting the inside of her cheek involuntarily. Her eyes were glued to the bathroom door. She knew Erica had promised not to leave. She knew she should believe her. She had after all gotten this far, farther than she had dared hope at their first meeting. They were talking, really talking. But this was fucking hard and she knew it was just going to get harder even though she suspected that Erica thought the hard part was over. Hearing Erica talk about how Callie had pushed her away, how it had been Callie that was unsure, how Callie had turned to someone else and royally messed them up was hard and it hurt all over again, but Callie knew the truth. She could hurt Erica more with her words.

Yeah, it was painful to hear, but Callie had come to terms with that months ago. She knew the whole mess of their relationship fell squarely on her shoulders. Just like O'Malley had to take responsibility for ruining their marriage, she had to take responsibility for this. She had cheated. She was a cheater. She had cheated on her lover. She had cheated on someone she cared deeply about, because she had been so very, very stupid. She had processed their relationship ass-backwards from the beginning and it had cost them everything.

But the hard part was yet to come. And Callie was trying to come to terms with what she was about to do. Her eyes were still focused on the door as she continued to pace. She wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, but denials and half-truths had lost her Erica, so she had to try something else. Besides Erica had said she wanted the truth and not just half truths. But the sex comment had almost broken Erica and she thought there was a real possibility that could happen again, because Callie needed to explain to her what had happened with Mark and in order to do that she needed to tell Erica all of it.

Finally the door opened and Callie saw the light go out before Erica stepped out of the bathroom. Erica offered her a shy smile before returning to her place. She lifted her coffee cup from the table and took a sip.

Callie continued to stand.

"I need to tell it to you from the beginning, from my beginning," said Callie looking at Erica with a pained expression.

"Okay."

Callie winced a little at the word. She was really beginning to hate hearing that word coming out of Erica's mouth.

"I need you to understand why I was so stupid. I need you to...I need to try to explain my stupidity, which I know sounds asinine and won't change a god damn thing that happened, but I need you to understand, because I...."

She stopped. She was doing it all wrong. Again. She had almost blurted out something even she wasn't ready to deal with. As usual, she had almost started at the end. Pushing aside the tiny disturbing thought of what she had been about to blurt out, namely that she still loved Erica and the even tinier thought that, hello, she currently had a girlfriend, Callie mentally took herself back to the beginning and to Erica and Mark.

"You and I were good friends. I don't know how we became friends, but all of a sudden I had a good friend, something that I hadn't really had since coming to Seattle Grace, which is a different story that I hope I'll get to tell you someday." She smiled and was rewarded with a small smile from Erica.

"I really enjoyed our friendship. I enjoyed every single damn thing we did together and I even started making up things to do with you just because I liked being with you so much. I had never....really had a friend like you. We just...really, really clicked. I process all my stuff on the outside and I'm pretty easy going and friendly, but I don't make friends that easily either, probably because I'm so open I scare people. But you weren't scared."

Callie was still pacing around the room, although she had slowed down almost to a crawl, occasionally smiling at Erica as she talked.

"Anyway, when Addison came back I was so excited for you to meet her. I wanted to kind of show you off, because I love Addison and all, but you were hands down the coolest person I had ever hung out with and I wanted her to like you just like I did. But then she made that comment about us being a couple and it sent me into a panic. At first, it had nothing to do with you. The whole George thing really made me want to stay way, way, way out of the spotlight at the hospital and what Addison was thinking would just put me right back there. And I didn't want that. I thought that's all it was. I was freaked out about the rumor mill."

Callie smiled. Despite the difficulty and uncertainty of that period in her life, they were still good memories for her. It was their beginning and as messed up as it was, it was still them.

"But then I was standing at the nurse's station before the end of my shift and you came up to me and just bumped me playfully. And then that little giddy feeling I always got when you were near me, the one I had always associated with really close friendship... It started to feel like something else. I...was...attracted to you. I realized it right then and it freaked me out. But it was just me, so I buried that deep down and decided to think about it later or maybe I thought I could forget it altogether. I don't know."

She was pacing faster now and expressly not looking at Erica.

"Except I didn't bury it deep enough or maybe I'm just not good at ignoring that sort of stuff, but it kept popping up and then at Joe's you touched me on the lips. I could have jumped out of my skin." Callie laughed.

"God, you were telling me to sit still and my heart was making me want to just get up and...just fucking touch you. But that didn't make sense because you were just being a friend. So I drank another shot to calm myself down and decided I needed to leave the table. Mark was an opportunity." She stopped pacing and returned to her own spot on the couch, turning her body to face Erica who mirrored her position.

"I was dancing and cursing Addison and I was all....excited from you touching me and I thought that it was just attraction, just pure simple sexual attraction and since I wasn't gay, what I needed was to get laid and all of this would go away and we could go back to being friends again."

Erica had looked away momentarily when Callie mentioned Mark, but she stayed planted on the couch and after a few seconds her calm features were once again facing Callie.

"And that well... Well that explains Mark. I thought it was about sex. I thought I had solved the problem, except it wasn't working and instead of re-examining I kept trying the same tired out obviously not working solution. I just kept sleeping with him."

"Why were you avoiding me?" asked Erica.

"Because... every time I saw you, I had all these feelings and I was straight and you were straight and I thought I shouldn't be having these feelings for you. I tried to kind of take care of them with Mark… But it wasn't working out like I planned and you just started to feel like I was ignoring you to be with Mark."

Erica looked at her pensively. "Weren't you?'

"No," said Callie smiling. "I was with Mark so I wouldn't feel these things for you when I was with you. I didn't understand it yet. I didn't understand why it wasn't working. I was with Mark and I still wasn't able to be with you and I was hurting you. So I decided to come clean, a little. I thought if I told you what Addison had said, you would understand. And you did."

Callie rested her head on the hand that was resting on the couch, arm bent. She was sure she was giving Erica a dreamy look, but she couldn't help it. It had always amazed her that Erica had understood.

"And then it was fun to play with Addison's little scenario. It was a way to think about it, without thinking about it, ya know?"

"But you were still sleeping with Mark." said Erica.

"Yeah, well I was still having those feelings and I thought they were more inappropriate than ever, so I felt like my plan was finally kind of working. I was working out whatever sexual feelings I was having for you with him. He didn't care why I was sleeping with him and I was able to be with you. But then he decided to turn over a new leaf. And I was a little frustrated and you made it even worse. You kissed me in the elevator. After that I was completely freaking out, but I didn't want to think about it, because you were my friend, but..."

She stopped as if something had just occurred to her.

"What the fuck Erica? Why'd you kiss me?"

Erica smiled. "Because I wanted to. I didn't know what was going on with me, but since I don't process my things out in the open, I was pretty sure that you didn't know what was going on with me either and I wanted some questions answered without scaring you. Honestly all the threesome talk just made me think about you naked and I just...wanted to. I thought it would end all the thinking and wondering and longing and jealousy I was feeling."

Callie wanted to tease her, but she just smiled knowing that maybe once they worked everything out, she could, but right now, she would just take that bit of information and think about it later.

"Well after that you were all I thought about, all the time and Mark knew it. I couldn't..."

She looked up. She had never been embarrassed talking about sex, so this was a first. She laughed at herself hoping it would put Erica at ease. She had dreaded talking about her time with Mark and was afraid that Erica would end up hating her or being disgusted with her when she heard it, but Erica seemed fine, almost curious about Callie's process, so she continued.

"I couldn't...get...off...with him anymore without thinking about you." She was blushing she knew, but decided to ignore that as best she could and continue.

"And Mark, well nothing really bothers Mark, so he started to talk to me during sex, about you and me and what we would do together."

Erica looked away.

"Where are you going with this Callie? Because I'm not interested in the graphic details of your sex life with Mark and how you two got each other off."

And that was exactly the reaction Callie had been dreading.

"I know that," said Callie softly. "Let me tell it my way. Please?"

"Yeah, okay."

Callie waited wanting to be sure Erica was really okay since saying okay and being okay for Erica were totally separate things.

"Sorry," Erica offered.

Callie wanted to move closer, to be physically near her, but she closed her eyes and made a conscious effort not to move.

"I know this is hard, okay. But we promised no half truths."

"I know."

"The point I was....The point was that I wanted it to be about sex. I didn't want to see past that because that would be too complicated. I didn't want to deal with the other side of the coin. I didn't want to deal with my feelings for you. I focused on the sex and I thought I could solve it with sex. But it became clear to me the day we were treating cement boy that if it was about sex, that I needed to stop having sex with Mark and start having sex with you. Do you know how freaky that can make a person? To go from wanting to spend every free moment with a friend to undressing them every time you see them?"

"As a matter of fact, I do."

"Yeah, yeah whatever. You weren't freaking out so I don't know if I even believe you."

Her tone was light and playful. She decided that the intensity of this conversation was just too much. She needed to be a little playful, because despite the awful horrible consequences of her actions, when she thought about it, she had to sometimes laugh at how utterly insane it had all been.

"It was awful to stand in the scrub room and look at you performing miracles on that kid when I was supposed to be resting and being so turned on by you. I felt like the sickest individual on the planet. You had no idea what I was thinking. You were just doing your job, trying to be a good friend to me and I was so doing all sorts of dirty things to you in my head. Mark knew. He came in and said that he wished he was all someone ever thought about and then you walked in and accused us of talking dirty." She paused for a moment trying to gauge Erica's reaction.

Erica was looking at her. She had relaxed a little. Callie suspected it was perhaps the playful, I-wanted-you-so-bad attitude she had taken on when talking about the events that preceded their brief but wonderful dip into a relationship.

"Then you kissed me," said Erica.

"Yeah. I wasn't really prepared to do that. I was perfectly content to keep sleeping with Mark."

Erica pointedly looked down at the coffee cup in her lap again and slowly closed her eyes, letting out a long breath.

Callie looked at Erica again, a pleading look in her eyes. "I thought it was all me, Erica. I didn't think you had any feelings for me beyond friendship and I was willing to keep going with the non-solution rather than risk your friendship. But then Mark seemed to think it was better if I acted on my feelings. Besides he was trying to grow and I think sleeping with me when he knew I was thinking about you did not fit in with his growing as a person. And after that I really felt like I had no choice...."

She wanted to reach out to Erica, to hold her hand. She had been reaching for her all night surprised and delighted when Erica had not questioned it, had seemed to just go with it like it was a natural thing. She was comforted by it, the hand holding. It was a way of reassuring herself that Erica was here, really here and really talking to her. She resisted the urge, clenched her hand into a fist and continued.

"I just wanted to talk to you, share some of the things I was feeling. I thought you would maybe laugh like you had last time and just explain me to me and that would be that. But I couldn't get the words out and you were just standing there looking at me, giving me your full attention. You had had a pretty shitty day and your keys were missing and you could have sent me away, since I wasn't really being that great of a friend to you anyway. But you didn't. You just stood there, not demanding, just waiting for me to say whatever I had to say, because I had demanded it. I just let all those feelings that I had been trying to suppress bubble to the surface and before I knew it I was kissing you and you were kissing me back.

"It was wonderful and awful because you are so damn hot and that kiss made me think about sex again and I had to push that away, because you kissed me back and I didn't know what the hell that meant, but I was pretty sure I wasn't ready for sex with my friend. Well I think my body was. Yeah it definitely was, but we weren't or I wasn't."

"I wasn't either, but I wasn't thinking about sex necessarily when you kissed me. Just how wonderful that felt."

Callie couldn't help herself. She reached over to grab Erica's hand.

"That's what makes you so wonderful. You focus on the moment and the sweetness. I was focused on what usually comes after the kissing and not the feelings I was experiencing because they were too strong. The few times I had allowed myself to think about them, it just scared me because it was worse than George, a hundred times worse. I knew I couldn't handle being hurt like that again, so I just tried to deny I was having those feelings. It's funny. I ended up hurting anyway."

"But I don't understand. If you thought it was all about sex, why didn't you just have sex with me and get it out of your system. I know I was having a hard time deciding how to be around you after that kiss, but if you thought it was just physical why not follow your own logic and just sleep with me?"

"Because you were my friend."

"Mark is your friend too."

"Mark is my friend. He is also a man-whore and you are not. Plus I wasn't having feelings for Mark."

"Okay"

Callie closed her eyes. It was official. She really hated that word.

"I know it's hard to understand. I hardly understand it myself. I was thinking about us all wrong from the beginning. I wanted it to be just sex and physical attraction, but I knew there was this other thing and that other thing scared me. So I would just...leap and then get scared and pull back. I know that must have driven you nuts."

Erica was looking at her again. "It confused me, I think. But I realized early on that we weren't necessarily on the same page all the time. But I couldn't really figure out how to get on the same page as you because you never talked to me. I wanted you to talk to me, but you...."

"I know. I was talking to Mark instead of you. Another mistake, I know. And he was acting like an ass. I know."

"Did you know then or do you know now?"

"I know now for sure. I'm not sure I knew then. I was too caught up in my own stuff to really know anything outside of me and I barely knew me."

She ran her hand through her thick hair in frustration. She had lost focus again and she was all over the place. It didn't help that Erica kept asking questions. She had to get back on track, be sure she was explaining.

"Erica you are brilliant in everything, your professional life, your personal life, just everything."

"I am so not," said Erica shifting uncomfortably in her seat. She gulped her coffee this time.

"Yes, you are. I know you didn't have everything figured out from the beginning, but it didn't take you long to figure out what was going on with you and processing it and just going with it. I did not do that. I freaked out at every step and I made bad, bad decisions, which is what I do in my personal life. Professional life, no problem, personal life... That I can't seem to get right."

"You seem okay now," said Erica.

Callie looked at her searching for the subtext in the line. It was fairly easy to see really. Erica was referring to Arizona and Callie didn't want to deal with that now. But Erica deserved some sort of response. No half truths.

"No, I'm not. If I was I wouldn't be sitting here with you." And that would have to do for now. That was another part of her personal life Callie had to fix, she just didn't know what the fixing would entail, whether it would mean the end of her and Arizona or something else entirely. `

Erica seemed a bit stunned at Callie's last statement. The coffee cup was in her hand, poised at her mouth almost as if it had been frozen mid sip.

"Erica?"

Finally Erica reacted. She cleared her throat and put the cup down.

"Okay" she said.

Deciding to ignore that word, Callie just plunged ahead needing to explain.

"Erica, I...I'm sorry for what happened with us. I know it was my fault and I...." She felt a hand on her arm, a warm soft hand that rubbed her arm with a delicate touch.

"That's not why we're here Callie. We are not here to assign blame, so please just don't. Okay?"

"Yeah. I know, but I want to take responsibility for some things. I need to."

"Okay."

Callie tried not thinking about the Pavlovian response she was sure she was developing to that word since she wanted to cringe every time she heard it.

"Look I just had it all wrong. I wanted it to be all about sex because I didn't want to get hurt again. I focused on that and I forgot that you were my friend and so I hurt you and I kept hurting you because I was processing my stuff on the outside without thinking about what that was doing to you. I just had it wrong. I pushed the feelings I was having to the side, because I'm not gay and straight girls do not have giddy tingly feelings for their friends, so it couldn't be real. It had to be something else. I convinced myself it was something else and by the time I realized my mistake I had..."

She looked away. "God, I fucked up so bad," she continued her voice shaking. "I know I'm not making sense."

"Why did you sleep with him?'"

Callie looked up with weary eyes. That was really what this boiled down to. She had known it would from the beginning. Despite the okay she had heard tumbling out of Erica's mouth that day when she had confessed her sins, she had known Erica was not okay. That it was not okay. Erica could forgive her for siding with Stephens, for not being a good friend, but it was the betrayal with Mark that had really marked their demise.

"Twice." Erica's voice filled the silence.

Callie had no real answer. She knew it would come down to this question and she had hoped that by the time they got there she would be able to explain it. But she couldn't. She had no explanation because there was nothing that could explain that. So she went with what she had.

"Because I was falling in love with you and I was scared."

She heard Erica's intake of breath, saw her face turn towards the window. Erica's body had stilled a little unnaturally. Callie knew no matter how much she wanted to reach out to her, that it was not the time.

"That makes no sense to me Callie."

"I know it doesn't make sense. When you're falling in love with someone you don't do something that could make them hate you."

Erica was still not moving.

"I don't hate you. If I did, I wouldn't be here either."

Callie felt like someone had just jumped her heart. But she knew that if they were going to get through this, she had to try and explain it to Erica.

"I opened myself to George so completely and fully because I thought that's what you did when you fell in love. And I was hurt so utterly that I never wanted to be in that position again. Ever. And yet what I was feeling for you was beyond anything I felt for George. It was beyond anything I had ever experienced. I think, I was really scared of what you could do to me, so I set out to try and make it impossible for you to hurt me."

"By hurting me first?" Erica's voice sounded weary and resigned.

"I didn't think about it like that. I thought I was protecting me. I thought if I slept with Mark, it was all still about sex, not love. I just needed to be able to say to myself that I was not falling in love with you, because if I was, I wouldn't be sleeping with Mark. Sleeping with Mark was my way of proving that I was successfully pushing whatever feelings I was having to the side."

Erica said nothing, her gaze still fixed on the window, her body tense and unmoving except for the slight movement of her chest taking in and expelling air.

Callie relaxed into the couch waiting, but she did not wait long before hearing Erica speak.

"I think I've had enough."

Callie heard the words, every syllable like a puncture to her heart. They were done.

"I'm done," said Erica, an echo to Callie's thoughts.

But Callie wasn't done. She had things she still wanted explanations too, even if Erica wasn't going to accept hers.

"We're not done," she said.

"We are so done," responded Erica.

"No."

Finally, Erica turned to look at her, her eyes red and angry.

"What else do you want from me Callie? Because I have nothing left to give. You took it all. You took everything. You took my heart and stomped on it, picked it up and massaged it back to life and then stomped on it again. I let you do that not once but over and over and over. And I'm done. I can't let you keep doing that me. I get it okay. I get it. You're straight and I kind of ruin that for you because I seem to make you question that part of yourself, so much so that you have to keep sleeping with Mark to prove that you're not gay. Maybe your current girlfriend can put up with that, but I can't. I just can't let you keep…"

She got up from the couch and starting walking away.

Callie was on her feet and blocking her path.

"You said no leaving. I am not going to let you leave again."

Erica looked at her confused.

"What? This is my hotel room. I'm not leaving. I'm just....going for the Kleenex."

"Oh," said Callie a little sheepish. "Right. Let me get that for you."

She reached over and picked up the box she had haphazardly left on the chair, handing the entire box to Erica. Her hands went to her pockets, but she did not sit down, half frightened that Erica was really going to leave.

Erica put the Kleenex to good use and sat.

"I'm sorry," she said. "For the outburst. That was... I was out of line. You don't owe me anything Callie. That was...I was wrong. That was the outburst I should have had when we broke up. Not something that applies now."

Callie sat down again, thankful that Erica did not seem to want to leave this time.

"Erica, you had...you have every right to be angry, because you're right. That's exactly what was going on kind of. I didn't want to be vulnerable, so I told myself that I wasn't feeling what I was feeling. I wanted my life to make sense to me and I convinced myself that a relationship with a woman wasn't me or so I thought. I slept with Mark because I thought it would make it clear to me that I was straight and not falling in love with you. But it didn't. I just felt sick and icky about it. I told you because I wanted to start over. I couldn't erase the mistakes I made, but I thought if I came clean, we could get a do over. One in which I would do things right. And you said okay."

She looked at Erica wanting to convey how confused she still was about that.

"You said it was okay."

"I know. I wanted it to be okay. I really, really did. But then the whole thing with Stephens happened and you weren't supporting me and I thought it was Mark all over again."

"Why did you leave?" It was the question Callie wanted answered. "Why did you leave me? We were supposed to be starting over. You weren't supposed to leave once I had worked everything out."

***********************

Erica looked at the clock on the nightstand. It was really late and both she and Callie had to be at the hospital in a few hours. This marathon session had to come to an end soon. So she reached into the deepest recesses of her heart and told her exactly why she left.

"I left because I couldn't do it anymore. I was scared that you would just keep... That I would just keep hurting. And I was starting to be afraid of being around you. I didn't seem to be able to think clearly when it came to you. I was losing myself to you and it was kind of killing me. I left the hospital because I didn't fit in there and I really couldn't stay after the Stephens thing. I left Seattle because I thought it would be impossible to stay. I didn't think I could stay away from you if we were in the same city. I was right about that one," she finished chuckling a little in a self-deprecating manner.

"You didn't think we could work it out?" asked Callie.

"I wasn't sure what working it out would look like or whether it would be good for me or you."

Erica needed to move, so she got up and went for the mini-bar, removing all the bottles and carrying them to the coffee table.

"So, I decided that it would be better if I left." She tucked her hair behind her ears before sitting and examining the bottles in front of her. "And I knew that if I tried to say goodbye, I would never leave, so I just left without saying anything. Clean break for everyone."

"Not for me," said Callie scooting closer to Erica and picking up bottles randomly.

"I worked really hard to stay sober for this conversation and now you bring me this?"

Erica chuckled and stared at her. "I noticed."

They sat there for a minute just staring at each other. Erica broke the gaze first.

"It's getting late and we both have to work soon. So, one more drink and then I think we should really try to get some sleep."

Callie raised her eyebrows.

"Are you asking me to stay?"

Erica was surprised by the question. She hadn't been. She figured they would have one last drink and then what? She actually hadn't thought about after.

"I...if you..." she searched for an answer, an honest answer.

"Yes," she finally said. "I want you to stay."

Callie smiled.

"You don't have to," Erica amended. "But I think we've had a good talk and I know there's more to say, but we need to sleep."

"We could probably use a break from the heavy stuff too, huh?"

Erica smiled. "I certainly could."

"Okay," said Callie and didn't cringe as the word left her mouth


	8. Chapter 8

All Roads Lead Back to You (Chapter 8)

Author: rcruz

_**Disclaimer:**__If I owned them, things would look a lot different. The characters, settings, established histories, and general Grey's Anatomy universe referenced in this work are properties of their respective owners. This is a work of fiction for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Author's Note**: We get a little bit of Arizona in this chapter. I apologize for any mistakes. Comments and reviews are welcome.

Chapter 8 – Starting Over

Arizona Robbins did not pay much attention to gossip and idle rumor. It was utterly unreliable as a fountain of accurate information and as such, she tended to ignore it.

But the rumor mongering this morning seemed destined to infiltrate her world. It seemed intent on invading her personal space and messing with her well-ordered thoughts.

She had worked late last night taking advantage of a rare night on her own to chart and prepare for the next day. Her preparations would allow her to leave at a decent hour today and maybe prepare a nice meal for her girlfriend. They had not spent time together outside of work for a couple of days, which was sadly not unusual. They were doctors. Callie was a resident. They worked long insane hours that often left few precious minutes of down time for a personal life. But it was the career they had chosen and they were both content to just carve out time for each other when they could.

They should have had dinner last night, but Callie had a thing with an old friend. Arizona was an understanding gal and she knew that Callie did not like to feel pressured, so she had happily accepted the cancellation of their plans and planned ahead for today.

But today, she was hearing rumors that she couldn't ignore and her normally steady resolve in matters of the heart was starting to sway a little. Erica Hahn was back. That much she had been able to fact check. Indeed that was not just a rumor. Dr. Erica Hahn, cardiothoracic genius, was in the hospital for a couple of days for a surgery on a patient of hers from San Francisco, who had somehow ended up in Seattle.

It didn't take a genius of any variety to figure out who Callie's old friend was. Arizona knew they had been involved for a very short time and that Hahn had played a role in Callie's coming out process. Callie had talked about Hahn once and only once. She had told Arizona that they were involved very briefly. Arizona had to figure out the rest. She knew Callie had recently come out and she knew she had only had been in one relationship with a woman before Arizona. Hence, one plus one equals two. And now Erica Hahn was back and Callie had seen her.

Arizona had tried calling Callie last night before she finally laid her head down on her pillow, a sort of goodnight. She had gotten in the habit of doing that early on in their relationship, calling to say goodnight every night, since they didn't spend many nights together. She never spent the night at Callie's and Callie rarely spent the night at her place. Callie was weird about that. But Callie had not answered her phone. Arizona was used to Callie's sometimes hot and cold behavior, so she thought nothing of it. In all likelihood, Callie had probably been a little inebriated by that point and just hadn't thought about Arizona's call. Arizona had gone to bed relaxed and secure.

This morning she was feeling less relaxed. She hadn't seen Callie and even more disturbing, when she had been able to catch up with Yang and ask her if Callie had come in yet, Yang had looked confused.

"How should I know? Didn't she spend the night with you?"

But she was not worried. Callie had probably gotten in late and slept late, so Yang had not seen her and just assumed. So she went back to work, concentrating on patients and charts and labs.

But by lunch time, she still had not seen Callie and the rumors she usually ignored coupled with talk about Erica Hahn seemed to be everywhere.

_Dr. Hahn was just amazing _

_Did you hear about the surgery she did on Tapley?_

_Forget Mike, I wanna be like Erica!_

_Was Dr. Hahn coming back? _

_Who got to scrub in on the surgery? _

_Did you hear she was playing darts with Callie at Joe's last night? _

_I saw them come in together this morning._

That last one had given her pause and had been replaying in her head like a bad jingle for the last hour. Resolving to exorcise that annoying little thought forever, she went in search of her girlfriend. It was lunchtime anyway and usually Callie would have found her by now to have lunch.

She purposely did not start in the cafeteria reasoning that it would be the last place Callie would be, since she had not sought out Arizona for lunch. But after thirty minutes of trolling the surgical floor and still not even a glimpse of Callie, she walked down to the cafeteria intent on picking up a salad she could eat in one of the lounges.

She walked in and headed straight for the counter not even bothering to look around the large dining area. She picked up a pre-prepared salad and got in line.

"Missed your lunch date? Or were you not invited?"

"What?" she asked turning her head to meet Mark Sloan's infectious grin. He was standing behind her holding a tray laden with food.

"Hey Mark," she said as she handed the cashier a twenty.

She usually paid no attention to him. She knew Mark and Callie were close. She didn't understand the relationship, but figured she really didn't need to. He was her girlfriend's friend and that was that. She took the change from the cashier and threw it in her lab jacket, not wanting to just stand there while she placed it carefully back in her purse.

But Mark was nudging her.

"What?" she asked again finally following his gaze with her own eyes.

And there was her girlfriend sitting at a table with a tall blond. They were sitting close, knees almost touching and they were smiling a lot. The blond was leaning forward on the table her fingers wrapped around a large coffee cup listening to Callie intently. Callie leaned closer and touched the blonde's arm briefly, before they both burst into laughter at whatever Callie was saying.

So this was Erica Hahn, had to be. She put her best game face on and walked over to them, the salad container clutched in her hands and held tightly in front of her body. She thought Callie would notice her, would look up and acknowledge her, maybe even get up and give her a quick kiss, but Callie was still sitting there, her attention all wrapped up in the blonde sitting next to her.

Arizona stopped directly in front of them, but still their attention did not waver from each other. She had to say something.

"Hi" she said.

Both women looked up. Callie smiled awkwardly.

"Hi" said Callie.

Arizona's pager chose that moment to go off. Not knowing what else to do, she just stared at the two women.

"I have to go," she said and turned around and left feeling less relaxed and lot more insecure than she did that morning.

*************************

Callie was starting to freak out. She hated freaking out, but it happened often enough that she was kind of used to it by now. She had woken up this morning in Erica's bed. Okay technically it wasn't Erica's bed, it was a hotel and technically they had really just fallen asleep. It was a huge bed, but still.

They had fallen asleep on the couch initially, but had woken up after an hour both grimacing at the aches the couch had produced and both eyeing the nice big king sized bed in the room. Deciding they were adults, they had climbed in, still clothed and tried to sleep.

But being in a bed with Erica, even if she was fully clothed, had really messed with Callie and the images going through her head were not going to let her sleep. She had placed both arms across her eyes trying to block the images out with the heaviness of her arms and as a means of keeping her hands way north, lest she be tempted by her wild thoughts to venture south and just take care of some things.

But the thoughts had lingered and she had let out a frustrated groan that had either woken up Erica or alerted her that Callie was not sleeping. Callie wasn't sure which. They had ended up lying on their sides facing each other and talking like they used before sex and Mark and Callie's own twisted logic had ruined everything. Eventually they fell asleep.

Callie had woken hours later feeling a warm body under her. It felt strange, since Arizona usually laid on her when they cuddled. She had just decided she liked this better, when reality bit her in the ass. This was not Arizona. This was Erica. She had gotten up slowly, unsure of how Erica would react to the spontaneous cuddling, only to find Erica already awake.

"I didn't want to wake you," Erica had offered by way of explanation.

Apparently, Erica was fine with the cuddling.

Callie had smiled. They had talked for a bit more, trying to get over the awkwardness of the moment with inane chatter, before the rush to get to work on time started. She had planned to drop Erica at the hospital and then double back to her apartment for some clothes, but Erica had insisted that she didn't want Callie to be late, so she had gone with her to Callie's apartment for the clothes Callie would need. A shower could happen at the hospital. They had walked into the hospital together and Callie thought she was going to have to handcuff her hands to prevent them from just grabbing Erica like they had last night.

_This is the hospital and Erica likes to keep her private life private and oh by the way, Callie, you already have a girlfriend!_

It had been a crazy morning. Thoughts of Erica had warred with the more clinical, medical thoughts she should be having at work. She had automatically gone in search of Erica for lunch. Erica was leaving right after lunch to finish off her day at Mercy West and they had yet to finalize their plans to see each other that night. Well actually, they hadn't yet made the plans. Well Callie had, but she had not shared them with Erica yet.

When she caught up with Erica they had automatically headed to the cafeteria together. Erica had talked a little about her patient, how tired she felt and how it was all Callie's fault. Callie had chosen that moment to ask if she could see her tonight. Erica had looked a bit confused, but after a few moments brightened and readily agreed. They had loaded up on food and headed for their usual table without thinking.

Arizona's presence had kind of ruined the moment with Erica or series of moments or whatever. Callie wasn't sure exactly what she was experiencing at the moment. She did know however, that she was freaking out because she had barely thought about Arizona since Erica arrived and that had to be bad. _Yep, it was definitely vey bad to be pushing your current girlfriend aside to spend time with your ex._ But as bad as it was, she wasn't about to pass up an opportunity to spend time with Erica. Not when she was here for only one more day and not when Callie seemed to have her friend back.

So here she was, purposely hanging out by Peds to talk to her girlfriend. And she was freaking out because she wasn't sure if Arizona would get her need to spend time with Erica. Or maybe she was scared that Arizona would get it. Confused as she was about her feelings for Arizona, Callie could only handle one personal crisis at a time, so the Arizona thing would have to wait until Erica left. But if Arizona made demands or had a problem with her spending time with Erica, it could get ugly.

She heard the familiar rolling she had come to associate with Arizona in her Heely's and looked up from the charts she was working on to pass the time.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," said Arizona brightly.

"Sorry you got paged earlier. You kind of surprised me. I um...wanted to introduce you to Erica."

"Yeah, I heard she was here. So that was her? She was the old friend, huh? She's pretty."

"She's beautiful," said Callie realizing her mistake seconds after the words were out of her mouth. It was to late to take the words back, so she just let them hang out there.

"Right," said Arizona looking at her intently. "I'm off early tonight, so I thought I'd cook for you."

"That's sweet, but um...I have plans...with Erica."

"Plans with Erica."

"Yeah, look she's only here one more night."

Arizona's gaze kept getting more intense.

"She's my friend. I mean she was my friend and then she left and now we're getting to be friends again."

"Friends."

"Yes, friends. I need this. I need her in my life."

Arizona jerked a little at Callie's choice of words.

"As a friend," she said slowly trying to catch Callie's eye.

"Yes," Callie paused. "Look I know we haven't seen each other in awhile, but Erica will be gone tomorrow and we can make up for any lost time then."

"I can join you. I'd like to meet your new friend."

"She's an old friend, not a new friend and I'd like that too. I really would, but we're just reconnecting. I think we need time to just be me and her for now before we bring other people into it. We need time to work through how things ended."

"How things ended?" Arizona looked confused. "Do you mean how your friendship ended or how your relationship ended?"

Callie stared at her. "Both. For us they were kind of mixed up together so we need to work out both before we can re-establish a friendship."

"Both."

"Yes"

"Right. Well can you come over afterward?"

"I'd like to keep things open with Erica. She's leaving early tomorrow so she may want it to be a short evening, but we still need to do a lot of talking so it could be late. If it's an early evening, I'll call."

"Right. Well, I guess I'll just....wish you luck then."

Callie smiled. "Thanks. You are absolutely the best." She leaned in and gave Arizona a quick kiss before walking away and heading back to the surgical floor, trying to ignore the slightly sick feeling that was starting to develop in the pit of her stomach.

**************************

They were back there again, back in the place where they were comfortable and laughed and could just be with each other. It was making Callie a little delirious. She knew she should put a check on these feelings, that she should stop letting her eyes linger on Erica's mouth as she talked. She should definitely not let herself drift into those blue eyes like they were the sea and she a random piece of debris, just floating out there held in that gaze, waiting for a wave to rock her out of her repose. But it felt too damn good and she had missed it too much to let it go or stop it. They were having dinner at one of the restaurants at the Waterfront. Erica was talking freely about her afternoon at Mercy, the changes she envisioned making there, the impact she thought it would have. Callie had chimed in as well talking about her surgeries and relaying the latest gossip. The gossip was an ever changing thing at Seattle Grace, so there was always something to report. This time it was Izzie's very bizarre behavior which no one could really figure out. Callie did not linger on it, just restated what she had heard.

The atmosphere was relaxed and for a moment, Callie wished they were back in the hotel and could just unwind together on the couch, continue their casual banter and relax into each other. The food was gone, the wine bottle empty and the coffee was cold. It was, she reluctantly acknowledged, time to go. But she was not prepared for the evening to just end. They split the check and made their way out of the restaurant.

"I meant to tell you before, I like your new style," offered Callie as she casually took Erica's hand in hers and led them out of the restaurant.

It was one of the first things Callie had noticed about Erica when she first saw her. Her clothes had changed. Erica had always preferred the practical while at work, having no problems wearing her scrubs all day with her white lab jacket. Unlike others who tried to personalize the uniform they wore, Erica never did. Callie would often wear t-shirts under her scrubs, Meredith favored her converse sneakers. Erica just wore her scrubs and coat. The only personal touch was her lucky scrub cap when she was in surgery.

After work she often wore flowery lacy shirts with low necklines that exposed her beautiful neck and looked fabulous on her, but Callie always got the distinct impression that Erica was uncomfortable in her clothes. She looked good, but there was something about her movement in them that made Callie think she preferred the scrubs. But now it seemed that she was choosing clothes that were as comfortable as the scrubs she worked in for most of the day. She was wearing jeans tonight with a simple button down cotton shirt. The shirt was a dark navy blue that did wonderful things to Erica's eyes. The pants were dark and hugged her curves in interesting ways. The shirt was tucked in and obviously tailored to fit Erica just right. It was neither too tight, nor too loose. Yesterday she had been sporting khakis with a similar button down shirt. And on her feet were sneakers. They weren't Meredith's fashionable converse sneakers. They looked like seriously comfortable running shoes. It was the most casual Callie had ever seen Erica in public.

"Thanks," Erica said sounding shy. "I don't think there's much to like. It's pretty bland, but I accept the compliment. You um... look great too, but then you always do." The last part was said in a whisper, but she had looked at Callie and smiled. She had wanted Callie to hear her.

"It's different from what I'm used to seeing you in. But I like it. A lot," said Callie

"Well, a girl gets a bit more practical in her old age."

Callie snorted. "Whatever Grandma"

They reached the sidewalk and Callie still had not thought of a way to extend the evening.

"Walk?" she asked. It was a generic activity, but one where they could continue talking and perhaps later Erica would be open to continuing the conversation over more coffee from the café in the hotel's lobby.

"Okay," said Erica. "Where to?"

Callie pulled her down the sidewalk and towards the row of shops and tourist spots that lined the street. They were walking side by side, Callie's hands wrapped around Erica's arm.

"So," said Erica. "Where did we leave off?"

Callie smiled.

"Honestly, I can't remember." She looked over at Erica. "There's a great ice cream place a few blocks down. Let's head that way and then we can try to finishing last night's conversation."

"Lead on," said Erica.

Callie really couldn't remember where they had left last night's conversation. Last night for her was still a flurry of emotions and she didn't think she would be able to recall what they had actually said until Erica left. But she was happy Erica wanted to continue. She wanted to continue. She knew they were floating in a pleasant haze right now, high over being together again. But there were things that needed working out if they wanted the ease they felt to be more permanent.

******************

Erica was relaxed. She was actually relaxed. She shouldn't be. Her rational side told her she should be feeling anxious and tired and weary. She and Callie had been up too late, having a too intense conversation with emotions spilling out and churning like the contents of a blender left on high with no cover. They had decided nothing and merely accepted that they both felt this need to be with each other.

But they needed to talk and make some decisions. And that should have been making Erica nervous and anxious. Yet dinner with Callie had seemed natural and soothing. They had simply enjoyed each other. And now she was walking down the streets of Seattle, with Callie clutching her right arm, holding herself close to Erica. They had never been like this when they had dated and Erica thought that it should at least feel strange to her, this closeness. But it didn't and she laughed internally at the thought that normal rules of behavior did not seem to apply to Callie Torres.

_Would they be friends again?_

Erica thought so, but with Callie it was never as simple as wanting to be friends. Callie had been more than a friend to her and in all honesty probably still was. But things were different now. Callie was with someone. They had hurt each other badly and so the coming together would be complicated. She knew that, despite the ease with which they seemed to reconnect on this trip.

Erica was still reeling from that surprise. She had not expected to see Callie and just...be with her like this again. She had expected a giant complicated emotional mess and in a way this was a mess, but it was a nice mess, which she knew was strange. She had expected awkwardness, anger and then emptiness. She had expected Callie to be shocked at seeing her at Seattle Grace again. She had expected tense moments where neither of them would be sure what to say. She had expected Callie to be angry once the shock of seeing her subsided. She had expected snarkiness and cold, but angry words from Callie. She had expected to let Callie have her emotional outburst, because she could not imagine stopping it, and then Erica would walk away from Seattle, hurt but hopefully still intact. She had expected to disappear afterwards and she had fully expected to feel that same emptiness that had been so prominent in the first weeks after leaving Seattle Grace. She had expected she would lick her wounds, patch herself up as best she could and go back to San Francisco. That was how it was supposed to have happened. That scenario made sense to Erica.

She would be returning to San Francisco tomorrow, but somehow it felt different, she was different. Just two days in Seattle, two days of being with Callie and she felt like the world had tilted. Something had changed and yet she could not pinpoint exactly what beyond a vague sense that Callie was the catalyst. In the past, it would have bothered her, not knowing what had changed. She would have analyzed and obsessed and argued with herself until it made sense to her, until she knew exactly what was going on and whether she liked it or needed to change course. But this was different. She should have known it would be.

Everything involving Callie had been different for Erica. Callie was the ultimate exception to Erica's life. Erica had rules, absolute rules. She followed those rules because they made sense; they made her life make sense to her. But Callie had always bypassed those rules, ignored them, set them aside, and rendered them obsolete. Erica did not make friends easily and she especially did not make close friends at work. That was too close to mixing the professional and the personal. It was a rule. But Callie had become her friend without Erica's consent. They just were. The rules just didn't seem to apply.

It was happening again. Erica's expectations of how everything would go down had been discarded and thrown to the side. Callie had been shocked, and there had been moments of awkwardness between them. But Callie had not been at a loss for words. She had not been angry and Callie had most definitely not allowed Erica to just disappear.

Instead, Callie had just changed everything. She seemed to operate on a different set of premises than Erica. Their first meeting had been awkward, but it was not followed by anger. It had been like meeting a dear, long lost friend who had disappeared inexplicably and had now returned. That was Callie's story, Erica imagined. They had chatted and agreed to talk as if the only thing they had to talk about was the last six months of their lives, as if they had not cut each other, as if the only thing they had lost had been time.

Perhaps Erica was going along because it was a more welcome story to her, this tale that Callie was spinning for them. She had to admit that she had willingly followed Callie's lead in everything, setting aside her doubts and insecurities, her fears and uncertainty. She had wanted to examine that, her inability to put up barriers against Callie, but she hadn't had time. Between the surgery, learning her new job, and just being with Callie, she had not had time for any thinking beyond considering the immediate emotional elation she felt around Callie.

Callie was pulling her towards one of the shops lining the streets and just like she always did, she followed Callie willingly.

**************

They emerged with gigantic ice creams cones, chocolate and vanilla. It was spring and still a little cold, but the ice cream was sweet and Callie's warm hand was in her free one, so they continued the walk. It was comfortable and right and so not what they should be doing. They should be talking. The thought was like a nagging sensation in the back of Erica's mind, but it kept getting pushed back effectively. The tingly feeling Callie's hands were producing were doing things to her. The warmth and just exquisite sensation started in her hand and then traveled up her arm to her face and back down the rest of her body, warming her everywhere. She was sure her face looked flushed, and she could not seem to contain the smile that came easily when she looked at Callie.

They walked to a more deserted part of the pier, licking the last of the ice cream and crunching on the waffle like cones. Callie had been making casual conversation, mostly about how good the ice cream was. Erica had in turn teased her about bad it was for you describing what it could do to the heart over time in great detail.

"Erica, can you please just shut up."

But Erica was having fun, so she kept up her clinical description of the dangers of ice cream.

"Erica, I'm serious. Just enjoy the treat."

They finished with the ice cream, dumping their napkins into a nearby garbage can, but Erica was on a roll finding an exasperated Callie a fun Callie. She opened her mouth to continue her diatribe against ice cream, despite Callie's protests.

"Erica, stop," Callie whined.

Suddenly Erica found a warm hand covering her mouth forcing her to stop. Callie was standing directly in front of her smiling, one hand on Erica's shoulder, the other over Erica's mouth.

"Shut up," said Callie playfully.

They stared at each other. Callie was beaming an electric smile that stretched wide and inviting across her face.

"Do you promise to stop?" she asked not removing her hand.

They were almost eye to eye. Erica could feel Callie's chest on her, their thighs brushing each other. Their eyes held. Slowly Callie's smile disappeared. She licked her lips, her mouth opened slightly and her breathing started to go irregular.

Erica had stopped breathing altogether. She could handle the hand holding, because friends did that. She usually didn't, but normal people did and Callie was her person, right? She could tolerate the way Callie always seemed to just be in her space, breaching the psychological barrier she created around her that no one invaded, because Callie was the exception to all her rules. But this was beyond her capacity. She could not handle this without letting her mind wander to things she had expressly tried not to think about since she got to Seattle. Like how soft Callie's hands were or how her eyes expressed every single emotion coursing through her, how soft and inviting Callie's lips were, how she made the most interesting sounds when she was kissed.

They stood there staring at each other, until Callie began to remove her hand. It made a slow trek down, first lingering on Erica's shoulder and then sliding down her arm.

Erica waited for Callie to step away.

_This is just a momentary lapse_, she thought, _a little lingering sexual energy that had yet to be dealt with._

But Callie remained in her space, unwilling or unable to move, their eyes conveying things their minds were not ready to process. Erica closed hers eyes, wanting to simplify things again and go back to the easy companionship. She lingered for a few seconds with her eyes closed before stepping back, but Callie's hands found hers preventing her from retreating entirely.

Erica needed to just...she didn't know what she needed, so she just went with the emotion that was threatening to drown her and stepped forward again, forcing the hands still attached to hers around her waist and placing her arms around Callie, hugging her with some force. It was all Erica could do to stop herself from kissing her.

_This was so not good._

****************

They had made their way back to the hotel and by some unspoken agreement picked up more coffee in the hotel lobby, before proceeding to Erica's hotel room.

And now they sat on the couch staring at each other, trying to pick up last night's conversation and putting aside the events at the pier.

"I want you in my life."

It was the first full sentence either of them had uttered since the pier.

The words sounded unnaturally loud and raspy to Erica. She didn't know how to respond.

"Drink your coffee. It should help your throat," she offered.

Miraculously Callie obeyed bringing the cup to her lips.

Erica watched her drink, thinking.

_Erica had found it hard to look at Callie immediately after the hug or almost kiss at the pier. She was feeling too vulnerable. So she had stepped back, inclined her head slightly to indicate Callie should follow and started walking back. _

_One minute. It had taken one minute for Callie to grab her hand as they began the walk back. Erica readily accepted the hand, trying not to think about what had almost happened. __The walk back had been amiable, but their communications had been one or two word phrases al the way back to the hotel. _

She came back to the present with a small start. She looked at Callie who was still sitting silently sipping slowly from her cup.

Erica turned her whole body to face Callie. "I can't really say no to you."

She smiled. "I don't know if that's good or bad, but I can't be in this city and not have you in my life."

"Erica, even if you weren't coming back here, I would want you in my life."

"I know," said Erica. "Me too. But we seem to have a lot of emotional baggage over what happened."

"So we get over it," offered Callie. "This won't happen overnight, Erica. I know that, but I need to know if you want me in your life."

Erica considered the question seriously. She closed her eyes and thought about it. Two nights ago she would have said no, but it would have been a hollow no. It would be a no in the abstract, since Callie was not in her life, even if she was in her thoughts everyday. She stopped surprised by her own revelation that Callie had been in her thoughts everyday since she had left Seattle. She opened her eyes and straightened.

_Callie had been in her thoughts all six long months._

Her eyes found Callie's and she was startled by the pained look she saw there. Callie seemed to be holding her breath, waiting patiently for Erica's response and looking very, very scared.

"Of course I want you in my life," said Erica. "Even these last few months you've been a part of my life. It was in a different way than I had expected, but I thought about you...everyday."

Callie smiled easily.

"Me too," she said. "Erica? I need to say something."

"Okay."

"I need to say... I'm sorry. I'm sorry I slept with Mark...twice. I wish with all my heart that I could take that back and have you lo...have you....I wish you had never left."

And suddenly Erica knew they were done with this conversation. It no longer mattered to her that Callie had slept with Mark in some misguided attempt to prove something Erica didn't understand. It didn't change the fact that she loved Callie, that Callie wanted to be a part of her life, that Callie was sitting here with her asking for forgiveness. It had happened and neither of them could take it back or change it. They just had to deal with it and move forward or not. She wanted to. She wanted Callie in her life too.

"Okay," she said smiling.

"Please don't say okay, if it's not okay," said Callie with some difficulty.

Erica was confused.

"Okay... Sorry. I mean it, Callie. It's really okay."

She grabbed Callie's hand. Callie's eyes widened at the gesture, but she greedily hung on as Erica pulled until they were sitting side by side, their hands reaching out for each other naturally.

"I think we have a lot to work out in our friendship, but I want that. I want you in my life, here and in San Francisco. We've been through a lot, but I don't make friends easily and I made friends with you. I don't have that many. I don't think I can afford to just let them ago." She looked Callie in the eye. "I know I can't afford to let you go." She smiled shyly before continuing.

"What happened, happened. We can't change it. We can just decide to more forward. I would like that. "

Callie let go of Erica's hand and lunged for her, engulfing her in a fierce hug whose intensity matched the hug they had shared earlier.

"Thank you," said Callie as she loosened her hold and regained her place on the couch.

Erica was more affected than she wanted to admit by the moment. She hadn't quite let go of Callie, one of her hands still poised on Callie's waist. Her breathing was off and she was looking at Callie intently. She knew she had to rein in whatever was happening to her.

"Callie, you don't have to thank me. It's what I want too."

Having finally been able to say something intelligent, she felt some control return and removed her hands. It was late, not as late as last night, but she had a plane to catch early in the morning.

"So you leave tomorrow?" asked Callie almost as if she was reading her mind.

"Yes," said Erica, looking at her. "We stayed up pretty late last night, you're probably exhausted.

"I'm fine," said Callie.

Erica looked skeptical.

"Callie, you need your rest."

"Are you kicking me out?"

"No," said Erica enjoying the playfulness. "You know I want you to stay as long as you can."

Callie's eyes went wide. "Open-ended invitation. I like it."

Erica chuckled.

"Stop flirting with me," she said clearly too tired to realize what she had said or rather implied.

"Can't help it," said Callie.

Apparently it was a mutual problem.

They stared at each other again, until Callie started laughing.

"Come on, let's relax in front of the box with the moving pictures[1], finish these coffees and I'll dutifully go home and let you get some sleep."

*************************

A couple of hours later they were saying goodbye.

"Can I take you to the airport tomorrow?" asked Callie leaning against the door wanting to prolong the goodbye and trying to come up with excuses to see Erica again the next morning.

"I have a rental I need to return, so it's not necessary."

They were standing by the door. Callie jiggled the keys in her hand nervously, her other hand on the doorknob, purse hanging loosely by her side.

"Thank you though," Erica finished. "I appreciate the offer."

"We could take the car back now and then I could pick you up in the morning," offered Callie with a grin. Apparently, she did not take defeat lying down.

"As much as I would like to say yes to that, I think it's better for everyone if I just take it tomorrow morning," Erica smiled at Callie.

Erica was leaning on the wall near the door. The staring contest continued until Callie relented. She turned the doorknob and finally opened the door.

"I'll see you in two weeks, right? And you'll call as soon as you land. I'm a freak about planes. If you don't call I'll convince myself that you crashed, so you better call."

"I'll call," said Erica raising herself from her relaxed position. She put both hands on Callie's shoulders pushing her out the door gently. "Go. You need to get some sleep."

Callie was out in the hallway now, but turned before making her way to the elevator and put her arms around Erica, who returned the hug readily.

"Come back, okay?" she said.

"I promise," said Erica as they let go.

And then Callie was gone, walking around the corner and towards the elevator.

_______________________________________

[1] In the interest of giving credit where credit is due, this is a Get Fuzzy reference. Thank you Bucky Katt!


	9. Chapter 9

All Roads Lead Back to You (Chapter 9)

Author: rcruz

_**Disclaimer:**__If I owned them, things would look a lot different. The characters, settings, established histories, and general Grey's Anatomy universe referenced in this work are properties of their respective owners. This is a work of fiction for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Author's Note**: Just a few short moments before Erica gets on that plane. Feedback is welcome.

Chapter 9 - Saying Goodbye

Erica knew she was being a bit obsessive. Her patient was presenting no post-op issues. He was actually doing quite well and she knew she was leaving him in good hands. Despite the fact that she could not work at this hospital, she still had confidence in the abilities of its doctors. But one more check really couldn't hurt.

She hadn't been sleeping anyway so a quick stop to check his labs and vitals just made sense. Besides, her mind was cluttered and she needed to un-clutter it and nothing accomplished that faster than work. It wasn't much really in the way of work, but it was too early to head for the airport. Even with the stop at the hospital, she would still arrive hours before her flight was scheduled to leave.

She parked the rental car and grabbed her purse, opening the door and squinting at the glare of the Seattle sun just rising. Making sure she heard the beep that meant the alarm was set, she began the short walk to the hospital doors when she noticed someone rolling in her direction.

_Rolling? Was the person really rolling?_

She kept walking hoping they would change directions. With her hand shielding her eyes she observed the rolling figure and calculated that she would need to stop where she was and let the roller pass her, lest the idiot just roll right into her. She stopped, but much to her annoyance, the roller slowed down and halted right in front of her.

"Can I help you?" she said annoyed.

"Yeah, actually you can."

The roller was in fact a woman, but with the sun at her back and in Erica's eyes she couldn't see the woman's features or how exactly the woman had managed to _roll_ towards her.

"Do I know you?" Her tone was clipped. She was tired. She had probably only had about eight hours of sleep in the last two days and unless she was with Callie, she felt every one of the hours of sleep she had missed.

"Dr. Arizona Robbins." The woman stuck out her hand. "We haven't been formally introduced, but it seems that you've stolen my girlfriend the last couple of days. I thought we should meet."

Erica was taken aback, which really didn't happen often. She extended her own hand briefly, one shake and then retreat. This was Callie's girlfriend finally showing up to stake her claim.

_Idiot._ _If it was me, I would have shown up way before now._

She had no idea how to respond to this person, what was expected of her, but knew she had to say something.

"What can I do for you Dr. Robbins?" she said in her sternest voice, trying to remind the woman that they were in a hospital parking lot and not a schoolyard fighting for the prettiest girl in the class.

"You can give me my girlfriend back."

_Well, she's direct at least,_ was Erica's first thought.

"I haven't taken your girlfriend. She sought me out. If you have an issue with that, take it up with her." Erica was exasperated with this whole conversation and it was showing.

"What goes on between us is none of your business," said Arizona defiantly.

Erica crossed her arms and tensed. "Likewise," she said leaning over just slightly to emphasize her height, a primitive, yet effective intimidation technique.

Arizona stepped back.

"You hurt her," she said. "I haven't."

Erica looked away. This Arizona person was right. She turned her gaze back to the woman in front of her, a serious expression on her face.

"Not that it's any of your business, but we hurt each other. If you'll excuse me, I have a patient..."

"Aren't you supposed to be back in San Francisco?" Arizona interjected sounding very irritated.

This woman was really annoying Erica. She didn't really blame her for getting in Erica's face. Erica would have done the same, although much, much sooner, but the woman's logic was flawed. If she wanted Erica gone, she needed to get out of the way and let Erica do her job.

"Get out of my way. I have a patient to check on and a flight to catch. The sooner you move, the sooner I'll be out of your hair." _Idiot._ She wanted to say it out loud, but this was after all Callie's girlfriend and Callie was her friend. She knew she couldn't just start calling Callie's girlfriend names.

Arizona stepped back and looked at the ground. Erica began walking.

"I love her," said Arizona from behind her.

Erica paused momentarily.

"I do too," she responded, never turning around.

******************************

In the car on the way to the airport, after her impromptu hospital visit, Erica began to feel fatigued. She would probably sleep on the plane the whole way. She had gotten up earlier than she had anticipated that morning. She had not slept very well. Her stomach was going back and forth between doing happy flips at having seen Callie again and sinking to her toes with worry. She had to keep reminding herself that Callie was with someone and Erica had no reason to assume they were unhappy. In fact, Arizona had told Erica that she loved Callie. While Callie had told Erica who Arizona was, she had offered no details of their relationship. Their very brief and awkward meeting in the cafeteria yesterday had only elicited a "That was um…my girlfriend" from Callie. Nothing else had been forthcoming.

Putting aside thoughts of Arizona Robbins, Erica resumed thinking about her sleepless night. She had spent the first half of last night convincing herself that it was rational for her to still have feelings for Callie. After all, she had spent the last six months thinking about her, questioning if she had made the right decision in leaving, wanting to call her, wondering how she was. So when she finally saw her in the flesh, it was natural for all those feelings to just float to the surface and threaten to overwhelm her, especially since she had prepared herself for something completely different. She had expected an angry Callie, a very defiant in your face, angry Callie. She had not anticipated that Callie would want to talk to her. She had definitely not expected Callie to want to spend time with her.

She had expected that Callie would be with someone. She just thought that someone would be Mark Sloan, or barring that someone of the male variety. That had been a total shock. She thought initially that it should bother her more that Callie seemed to be able to have a successful relationship with a woman that was not her. But again, rationally speaking, neither she nor Callie had really known what they were doing with each other. Neither of them had had experience with the whole girl love thing. It made a certain amount of sense that they would screw it up. But Callie wasn't just some girl. Callie had become her best friend while she was at Seattle Grace and she hadn't had one of those in a long time.

And that had filled her thoughts for the second half of the night. Callie was her friend and she was happy that Callie still wanted to be a part of her life. But that whole friend thing brought with it other challenges, because as rational as it was for her to have lingering feelings for Callie, she could not have those feelings for a friend. And she was keenly aware that if those feelings persisted, it would lead to yet another potentially terminal break in their friendship. Erica had to quell the feelings. She had to swallow hard and not think about how good it felt to have Callie thread her arm through hers. How Callie's smile could still stop her heart for a few seconds. How she could see so many things in Callie's eyes. How she had almost kissed her and how her body still tingled at the thought.

If they were going to be friends, which Erica thought Callie wanted, Erica had to get herself under control, because Callie was not available to her in the way Erica wanted her to be and she had to accept that. She knew that spending time with Callie and the girlfriend would probably help the process, but she was loath to do that just yet.

It had hit her like a lightening bolt seeing the two of them at the nurse's station engaged in a kiss. She had immediately ordered her brain to erase that image from her mind and she hadn't really visualized it since. She didn't want to. Ever. But Erica was rational and she had a powerful mind and that powerful mind would persuade her to go back to San Francisco and stop thinking about Callie as an ex-lover and start thinking about her as a friend and eventually, she was convinced, she would get there.

She rubbed her neck as she drove, thinking about her morning. She had gotten up, showered and packed in almost record time, trying to keep her mind occupied with the tasks at hand and making mental lists in her head of what she had to do once she landed in California. But images of her and Callie and the last two days had kept interfering with her well-organized thoughts, until she decided that she needed to engage in some work to keep the images at bay. She had ended up at the hospital, but it had been no use. They kept coming. She smiled as she remembered....

_Playing darts at the bar and being so very close to Callie that all she needed to do was move her arms a fraction and she would have been embracing her...._

_Callie taking her hand when they headed out of the bar and not letting go until they reached the car... _

_Sipping coffee in her hotel room and finally baring her soul to the one person that actually cared about what had happened to her after she left Seattle...._

_Eating ice cream as they walked along the pier and laughing about their sticky hands and faces...._

_Looking into deep chocolate brown eyes and drowning right then and there because she swore they became darker with longing...._

_Callie insisting that she call the minute she landed... _

Her thoughts continued swirling as she drove. She was on automatic pilot on the ride to the airport. She tried to take in the sites, to reflect on how she still felt at home in Seattle, more so than in San Francisco, how she missed the rain. But missing the rain immediately led to thoughts of what she missed most about Seattle, Callie. Arriving at the rental car drop-off, she pulled into the parking lot of the rental company and cut the engine.

She left the keys in the car and took a deep breath before preparing to exit, trying desperately to clear her mind and keep it from wondering what it would feel like to kiss Callie again. Her lips would still be soft, she was sure, but she wondered if that shy, timidity would still be present. They had been nervous as hell every time they had kissed. Even after they had made love it had always been awkwardly sweet. She had relished it at the time. The brash and bold Callie Torres moving timidly to apply pressure and ready to pull back at any moment was endearing to her. She wondered if Callie would kiss differently now. Would that adorable sweetness be gone? Shaking her head, she gathered her things and stepped out of the car.

Even if the timidity was gone, she was sure it would still be adorably sweet, before passions flared and the kiss would change into... She took a deep breath leaving the thought unfinished as she noticed the attendant coming out. She waited patiently while he went through his standard checks. Finally he walked towards her, clipboard in hand asking her to sign-off on his checklist. She had prepaid for the car, so she just pocketed the receipt he handed her and starting walking towards the shuttle stop where a few other people lingered, waiting to be taken to the airport.

She noticed a car parked a few paces beyond the stop and frowned. The car looked like Callie's. Deciding she needed to think about something besides Callie Torres, she searched the area trying to find a comfortable place to sit and wait. She was tired, but there was no bench, not even a ledge she could lean against. She noticed movement coming from the car as a familiar head emerged from the car door. She looked again.

It was Callie. She had exited the car and was walking towards Erica, two cups of coffee in hand.

"Can I give you ride?' she asked. "I have coffee."

She was absolutely adorable as she held up one of the coffee cups in a clear invitation. Erica seriously fought the urge to just walk up to her and kiss her right then and there. Putting that thought aside, she smiled, reached for her bags and made her way to Callie. They met halfway. They stood there silent, just staring and smiling. Finally Callie looked away shaking her head and laughing.

"I'm glad I found you, but we better get out of here. The rental guys were really giving me some hard looks earlier."

Erica raised an eyebrow and looked around concerned, but seeing no immediate threat, she returned her attention to Callie.

"Which one is mine?"

"Triple shot mocha, no whip cream, extra hot."

"Perfect." She reached for the cup Callie was handing her.

"Come on Dr. Hahn. Important people get escorted to the airport."

Erica followed her laughing like an idiot and completely forgetting her very reasoned arguments about friends and boundaries.

****************

Callie never explained to her why she had gotten up at an ungodly hour just to sit with her in an airport before Erica had to leave to go through security and Erica never asked, preferring to try and not get into a conversation they could not possibly end in an hour. Erica just knew that it felt good to have Callie there, clearly wanting to spend as much time as possible with her. She tried not to think about her encounter with Callie's girlfriend that morning. In fact, if she tried really hard, she could almost pretend that Callie didn't have a girlfriend. Especially when they were sitting so close and Callie kept smiling at her.

There was really no formal seating area before you went through security. All the shops and restaurants were beyond the security checkpoint, so they were forced to sit on the ledge that framed the large windows. Their legs were touching all along their side and the hands not holding hot coffee rested comfortably on their legs, so close that they grazed each other ever so slightly. It would be so easy to just grab Callie's hand and Erica spent a few uncomfortable moments talking herself out of doing just that. Instead, she resigned herself to just feeling Callie's body heat next to hers, smelling the shampoo in her hair and being able to sip coffee and just enjoy the smiles that were coming her way.

"How'd you sleep?" asked Callie.

Erica smiled. "Not very well. You?"

The smile was returned as Callie chose that moment to take a sip of her coffee.

"I got a few hours I think."

"You know you didn't have to come."

Callie's smile disappeared. She let out a frustrated sigh. "I know that. I wanted to."

"I'm glad you did," said Erica softly.

The smile returned as Callie faced her again.

"Thank you."

"No, thank you. I'm really enjoying the company."

Callie suddenly grabbed her hand and Erica had no choice but to intertwine their fingers, having been wanting to do that all morning.

"No, I mean it. Thank you for coming back, for explaining. For letting me back into your life. I..."

She cleared her throat and looked away momentarily. Erica squeezed her hand.

"I know I screwed us up. Sleeping with Mark, not talking to you, defending Stephens. I'm not sure I even understand what was going on with me at the time. You had no reason to come back and talk to me, but you did. So, thank you."

Erica was trying to collect her thoughts, trying to censor and edit, but they were coming too fast and threatening to drown her if she didn't open her mouth.

"I had every reason to come back and talk to you. I never even said goodbye. I didn't give you an explanation. I wasn't honest with you about how I felt about the whole Mark thing. The blame is not one-sided Callie. We both did this, so I get to thank you too, for wanting to see me, talk to me, for wanting an explanation. Because I'm not sure I would have given you one if you hadn't reached out to me. So thank _you_. Especially since you had...have moved on with..." She smiled weakly not able to actually say the name. She wondered briefly whether she should tell Callie about her encounter with Arizona that morning. But she was enjoying Callie too much and well...she didn't want to talk about the girlfriend.

Callie turned away again. Sensing discomfort at the mere reference to Callie's girlfriend, Erica slackened her hold on Callie's hand, but Callie did not let go.

Erica waited.

Finally Callie turned around. "So you'll call me when you land right?"

"Yes," Erica chuckled. "I'm sure the flight will be fine."

"Can I....can I call you tonight?" asked Callie.

"You can call me anytime," responded Erica knowing this was wrong and a bad idea. She saw it as clear as day as she sat there, holding Callie's hand, anticipating when she would speak to her again. She was embarking on a dangerous path and she should turn back now, before the option to turn back was denied to her altogether. They couldn't do this. She couldn't be anticipating her phone calls, waiting for her shift to end or for a free moment to just hear her voice. That would get her in trouble. That would bring her perilously close to falling in love with Callie all over again and frankly she wasn't sure it wasn't already happening. She had to stop before she couldn't, but....

There was just thirty minutes left before she had to go and she wanted these thirty minutes. Thirty minutes of saying the right thing, of holding her hand and pretending that Callie was free to fall in love with her again, that she wasn't with someone else.

"I will then," said Callie matter-of-factly.

Erica smiled at that.

"Please do."

"So you come back in two weeks? And you'll be here four days?"

"Yes. I'll be here for four days and then back to San Francisco."

"Where will you stay? How often are you going to be here?"

"I don't know. Probably a hotel for now. I think it's twice a month that I'll be here, more if I have surgeries or meetings maybe."

"And San Francisco is okay with that?"

"No, but they don't have much of a choice. If they want me to finish the next six months, they have to take what I can give them. Hopefully the time will go fast. I hate the idea that I'll be commuting on a plane regularly."

"Well I guess if you have to travel, Seattle and San Francisco are the places to travel to."

Erica smiled again. "What about you? You're in your fifth year. Is Seattle Grace going to offer you an attending position? They would be idiots not to. You're the best at what you do. If I get the chance, I'm definitely going to try to steal you"

"Thanks," said Callie, blushing just a little.

_God there it was again, that too adorable kind of shy, insecure smile that drove Erica nuts._

Callie ignored the question about her career.

"Would you like to.... I mean if you want a change of.... I just thought maybe... I want to ask...." She laughed before continuing. "Does that sound familiar or what?"

Erica smiled having noted the same thing. It was eerily familiar to the moments before they shared their first kiss when Callie was stammering and struggling to find the right words.

"Just ask me," said Erica seriously, not having any idea of what Callie wanted to ask.

"I wanted to know..." Callie was facing her now, still clutching her hand. "If maybe one of those times when you visit, you wouldn't mind staying with me."

_THAT IS SO NOT A GOOD IDEA_ was running through her head like a marquee sign flashing annoyingly. But what came out of her mouth was completely different.

"I would love to."

The smile that Callie graced her with made it all okay somehow. But the warning did not go completely unheeded.

"But...maybe...that's something you should discuss with..."

"Christina? Screw that I pay half the rent."

Erica squeezed Callie's hand afraid that once she got out what she wanted to say, Callie would pull away.

"No. Not Christina. Your girlfriend?"

Callie did not pull away.

"We're friends right?"

"Yes"

"Well then she won't have a problem," said Callie with an air of finality that said the subject was closed.

Their time was up now and both women got to their feet. Erica left the coffee cup on the ledge and turned to hug Callie. They were awkward for a moment and Erica was reminded of her earlier musings about how awkward everything had been at the beginning. But then they smiled at each other and it all seemed to disappear and there was just them. They hugged for a long time, neither willing to be the first to let go. Finally Erica's rational brain kicked her in the head and loudly proclaimed that she needed to get in the security line or risk missing her flight.

She reluctantly pulled away and saw the sadness in Callie's eyes. She brought her hand up to Callie's face, caressing it and giving her a serious look, willing herself to not kiss her. Callie was looking up at her expectantly. She gave up. There was no way she was not going to kiss her. She leaned in and gave Callie a chaste kiss on the cheek, lingering for a few seconds, smelling her, trying to memorize this moment.

"Goodbye," she whispered. Finally, she pulled back and smiled as she made her way to the line.

Callie was standing there watching her go. She did not say goodbye, but managed a weak wave before picking up their empty coffee cups and backing out of the terminal.


	10. Chapter 10

All Roads Lead Back to You (Chapter 10)

Author: rcruz

_**Disclaimer: **__If I owned them, things would look a lot different. The characters, settings, established histories, and general Grey's Anatomy universe referenced in this work are properties of their respective owners. This is a work of fiction for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Author's Note**: This is my least favorite chapter, probably because Erica isn't in it, but it had to be written. I am open to suggestions for a chapter title, since I could not come up with one. (I suck at them anyway.) Alas, I am trading my laptop and pencil for some hiking boots and skipping town this weekend, so there will be no new chapters until next week. Hope you are enjoying and as always all mistakes are mine and comments are welcome.

Chapter 10 - ???

"So did you and Erica have fun catching up?"

Callie had been charting near the nurse's station, chatting amiably with a few nurses. She turned at the sound of Arizona's voice and flashed a brief smile, before returning her attention to the charts.

"Yeah, we did. It was good."

Callie had been feeling guilty about her little trip to the airport that morning. She knew Christina was aware that she had gotten up early, but she hadn't told her where she was going and Christina really hadn't asked. She had no real interest in Callie's comings and goings unless it impacted her, so no one really knew Callie had gone to meet Erica that morning like some lovesick school girl. But that was exactly what it had felt like. She had gone because she had this insatiable need to see her and the thought that she would not be able to for two weeks was making her a little crazy.

And that was bad, very bad.

"So will I see you tonight?" asked Arizona pulling Callie out of her thoughts. Deciding to leave the topic of the airport alone, she signed the last chart and gave her girlfriend a bright smile.

"Yeah, of course. I mean if you want to. You know, unless you're tired."

Her head had started spinning at Arizona's suggestion. She had wanted to call Erica tonight. It was irrational she knew, but Erica's abrupt and unplanned departure six months ago had done something to her. It was the reason that she had insisted that Erica walk with her to the resident's locker room when she first saw her and it was the reason she wanted desperately to talk to Erica tonight. The thought that the woman had just disappeared once was like a splinter buried deep in her hand. It bothered her and no amount of rationalization or reason could stop the pang of fear she felt that Erica would just disappear again. It was probably why she had gone to the airport as well. She needed to know that Erica would come back. She needed to know that Erica was really only a phone call away, that her calls would not be ignored, her messages erased as if they had never been.

"No. Not tired. I've missed you." Arizona moved closer to her, placing a hand on Callie's back in a reassuring way.

"Are you tired?" Arizona asked.

"A little," replied Callie giving Arizona a weak smile and trying not to think of how different it felt when Erica was in her space.

She put the chart down and turned around facing Arizona. "Why don't you give me an hour or so after my shift is over to just get a little rest in an empty on-call room and then I'll meet you at Joe's? We can grab a bite and see where the night takes us."

Arizona smiled, seemingly pleased with the plan. "Will that be the first time it's actually used for sleeping?"

Callie laughed involuntarily fully aware that she was no stranger to on-call room sex. She had not engaged in those activities since...Erica had left. She became wistful again and looked at the floor.

Arizona stepped into her space and gave her a light peck.

"I'll see you tonight, okay?" She turned around and made her way back to Peds.

Callie picked up her charts and walked away, feeling good about her plan. It had all worked out except that...well except that she was lying to Arizona or at the very least not telling her the whole truth. She had no intention of sleeping in the on-call room. Her hands dropped to the pocket of her lab coat, feeling for her phone and willing herself to not look at it. Erica could not have landed yet. She sighed. It was easier when she was around Erica. She didn't feel guilty when she was around Erica. Right now, she felt guilty. But she and Erica weren't doing anything wrong. They were just talking. They both just really needed to re-establish their friendship. Sure it could look like something else to Arizona, but that was so not the case. So, she told herself, there was really no need to share every little detail of her relationship with Erica. It would hurt Arizona and she didn't want to do that.

***************

Erica's call came in a few minutes after her plane was scheduled to land. Callie had purposely made her way to the somewhat secluded part of the hospital where Yang and the rest of the residents had hung out when they had been interns. She had been working diligently on more charts when the phone rang. She smiled as she saw the familiar name on her screen.

"Hey, so you made it huh?"

"Safe and sound and even on time."

"Great. Thanks for calling."

"Were you really worried? It's a pretty routine flight."

"I always worry. Don't' really like planes."

"Well I need to learn to like them for the next six months."

"I guess I need to stop being such a freak about them then, if you're going to be on them all the time."

She heard Erica's soft chuckle and decided she really liked that sound.

"So when do you come in next? Do you have a date?'

"No. It's on my list of things to do this morning. I'll ask the secretary to make all the plans."

"But you'll let me know right? Or should I ask for your secretary's email?"

Erica laughed, "No, I'll let you know. Listen Cal, I have a car waiting and I am apparently not coordinated enough to carry my bags and talk on the phone, so I'm going to have to let you go."

"Yeah, I was just charting while I waited for your call. I should go and check on some patients."

They were both silent not really wanting to get off the phone.

"Will you..."

"Can I..."

They both talked over each other and then laughed.

"You first," said Erica.

"Can I call you tonight? I won't have that much time, but I'd just like to talk for a bit."

"I would love that. I have to go to the hospital and check on some things, but I have no surgeries scheduled so I should be home early."

"Okay, I'll call you around eight, so don't go anywhere."

"I'll have my phone with me. Go and be a doctor."

Callie laughed lightly. "Bye Erica."

"Bye Cal.

Callie put the phone down. She took a moment to give her heart a chance to calm down. Now that it was over, she could relax. She realized, as she gathered the charts and made her way out of the deserted hallway that she had been afraid. She had been afraid that she would never receive that call; that Erica would once again disappear on her. But she hadn't and they were scheduled to talk again that night.

She smiled as she reached the bridge connecting two wings of the hospital with a magnificent view of the mountains and stopped in the middle noticing how beautiful and open it was.

_Yep, her life was definitely good right now._

**************************

She walked into Joe's later than she had planned and very tired. She had not been lying to Arizona when she told her she was tired and she hoped Arizona would not notice that she really hadn't slept. Her mind went wistfully back to her conversation with Erica as she pushed food around on her plate.

_Erica had picked up the phone in one ring, which brought a smile to Callie's face. They had talked for over an hour, just decompressing and sharing their day, the funny stories, the annoying people, and the interesting cases. She was conscious of the time and as the hour crept ever closer, Callie was starting to get annoyed with time. __What was it with these short stretches of time she seemed to have with Erica?__ She had only had an hour this morning as well. Callie was reluctant to end the conversation, but she knew Arizona was waiting for her. _

Now she was here with Arizona, tired as hell and not really wanting to be there at all, which made her feel even crappier. Arizona didn't deserve this.

"Are you still tired, baby?"

"Yeah" Callie sipped her drink wanting it to give her some energy. She was struggling. She had felt completely awake and energized as she was talking to Erica, but that charge of adrenaline had left her more haggard and tired.

"I guess the nap just made me more tired," she lied.

Arizona rubbed her back and then slipped out of her chair and placed her hands on Callie's shoulders. She dug in with competent skill trying to ease the tension Callie was sure she could feel there.

"Thank you," she said and tried to lose herself in her girlfriend's touch. But it was hard. She kept re-playing her conversation with Erica, inane as it had been.

Finally giving up, she reached for Arizona's hands and encouraged her to sit. She had only eaten half of her burger and completely ignored the fries. Only Arizona had picked at them having had a salad before Callie arrived.

"I think I just need to go home and get some rest," announced Callie.

Arizona looked away momentarily. When her gaze returned, her eyes were flashing and she had a full out grin on her face, but the smile seemed forced.

"Why don't you come back to my place and I'll give you a complete rub down. Ease the tensions and make it easier for you to sleep."

Callie really just wanted to go home, but she had seen the doubt in Arizona's eyes just before she turned away. She seriously needed to work out whatever was going on with her, but she would not be doing that tonight. Tonight she needed to put some time in with Arizona, no matter how uncomfortable that was starting to make her feel.

"Yeah, that sounds great," said Callie as she grabbed her girlfriend's hand. "Let's get out of here before I pass out."

*********************

They were in separate cars. Arizona had suggested they drive together and that she could simply drop Callie off in the morning, but Callie was not scheduled to start until later in the day. She told Arizona that she would prefer having her own car so she could go home early the next morning and take care of some things that she had been neglecting.

Arizona did not argue the point further and made her way to her car waving at Callie before saying "Fine. I'll meet you there."

Callie had slumped a little. She was pissing off Arizona, which is not what she wanted to do. Frustrated by the situation, she went in search of her own car.

**********************

The evening had been nice and once she was at Arizona's place she had felt a welcome comfort that seemed to keep guilty thoughts of her and Erica at bay. She let Arizona be Arizona and pamper her and it had felt good. True to her word, Arizona did rub out all her tension and in no time at all she had fallen asleep.

She woke the next morning to the smell of bacon. She stumbled out to the kitchen having thrown on last night's clothes quickly.

"Whatever that is smells good," she said as she tried to gather her hair in a ponytail.

"Just bacon and eggs," said Arizona turning around and walking over to her. She put her arms on Callie's shoulders and looked at her.

"I noticed you didn't eat much last night, so I thought you might need something substantial this morning."

Callie smiled. Arizona was very, very sweet.

"Looks marvelous," she said.

Callie gave her a quick peck before pulling away and turning to the plates Arizona had set out, but Arizona clung to her as she tried to pull away, her hands still on Callie's waist. Callie looked at her confused. She brought her hands to Arizona's and nudged her off gently. Arizona resisted the nonverbal clue at first and hung on to Callie for a few seconds more, staring at her before finally relenting and letting Callie go.

They sat down and an awkward silence seemed to descend on them. Callie broke it by apologizing profusely for falling dead asleep so quickly and complimenting Arizona on the breakfast a number of times. It was as if that was all Callie had to say to her.

"I get it," said Arizona in a frustrated tone as she began to clear the dishes. "You like the breakfast. You're welcome."

"Wait a minute," said Callie helping clear the table. "Aren't you supposed to be at the hospital this morning?"

Arizona was at the sink, her back to Callie. She waited a few seconds before answering.

"I got someone to cover rounds for me this morning." She turned around and leaned against the sink that held their breakfast dishes. "I missed you. I thought maybe we could spend the morning together."

Callie's stomach dropped. This should have been perfect. A week ago she would have welcomed the chance to spend time with Arizona. Today, she just wanted to go home and think about what was going on with her.

"Please," said Arizona softly.

Callie heard the plea in Arizona's voice as she spoke the word.

_Put your stuff aside for now, Torres. They'll be plenty of time to deal with it later. In fact, she had exactly two weeks to deal with it._

"That sounds great," she said giving Arizona a full smile.

Taking a deep breath and putting aside her own discomfort, she walked over to Arizona and kissed her, full on the mouth, bodies touching all throughout their length.

Arizona responded immediately. Her arms wrapped themselves around Callie and she could not stifle the moan of relief she felt as Callie kissed her.

They kissed for a few minutes, until both were out of breath, their breaths coming uneven and labored. They parted.

"Thank you," said Arizona. "I was beginning to worry."

But Callie was in full panic mode and didn't really hear her. She did not open her eyes after the kiss ended. She had been imagining Erica the whole time and that meant big trouble. She felt Arizona lean into her for another kiss and abruptly backed out of her embrace, taking Arizona's hand and leading her to the couch.

"So what do you want to do this morning?" she asked as she sat, not knowing exactly how to deal with the weirdness of that kiss.

"Well definitely more of that," said Arizona sitting herself practically on top of Callie.

Callie unconsciously moved over.

"We'll save that for later," Callie responded. "What do you want to do now?"

Arizona looked towards the kitchen wistfully. She was silent for a minute before she turned to face Callie. She placed her hand on Callie's knee before looking her in the face.

"Why don't we sit here and talk?"

"Sit here and talk?" asked Callie.

Arizona nodded her head. Callie smiled at her, relieved. She could do that.

"Okay. About what?"

"Well I asked you yesterday about your time with Erica. Why don't you tell me how that was?"

Callie gave her a smile she hoped didn't convey how nervous that topic made her.

"I told you yesterday. It was great. We um...made real...um progress." She hated that she was stammering.

Arizona continued to stare at her. "You know you've never shared the story. I heard rumors, but I don't think you've every really shared the whole story of what happened with the two of you. Why don't you tell me now?"

Callie hoped she didn't look as scared as she felt, but Arizona had given her an easy alternative. She was more comfortable talking about what had happened then what was currently happening.

"Okay," she said, grabbing Arizona's hand.

And she told her everything. How she had talked to Mark instead of Erica after their "first time". How she had slept with Mark in a misguided effort to be "good at it". How she had freaked out at every stage. How Erica had told her she was her glasses only to have Callie run out on her and sleep with Mark again. How she had confessed her sins and then defended Stephens. How she had made mistake after mistake with Erica and how Erica had finally just left. How devastated she had felt at losing her because Erica hadn't just been a lover, she had been a friend and how she needed that friendship back.

She was crying by the end of it, conscious of how her behavior sounded strung together like that. Arizona was still holding her hand, but remained silent. Callie tried to compose herself, wiping away tears and willing her facial muscles to stop contorting weirdly and just return to normal.

Still Arizona was silent.

"So, that's it," said Callie finally daring to look at her.

"Okay," responded Arizona and Callie almost lost it.

**********************

Arizona was not pleased. She sat alone in her living room. Her girlfriend was across town, too "tired" to come over. They had consumed a meal together with Little Grey and Mark tagging along, but Callie had rebuffed her request that they end the night at Arizona's apartment. So she was sitting alone, the TV on mute, flashing picture after picture at her, its harsh light making her face appear hard.

_Stupid!_

She had known where this would end and yet she had embarked on it anyway hoping that she was wrong. There were patterns to relationships and those patterns were recognizable. For example, no one ever married the girl they came out for. That always ended badly or if not badly, it most definitely ended. Sure there were stories about women who ultimately ended up with the woman they had come out for, but those were just urban legends or some lesbian version of an urban myth. That was not how things really worked.

She had resisted Callie at first, because she knew how these things worked. Girls new to the club were not relationship material. Girls rebounding from their first lesbian relationship were just not the girl one ended up with forever. Most have a hard time getting over the ex and are kind of questioning whether they're really gay or if it was just that one girl. You become the person they use to figure it all out. But you also become a substitute for that first failed relationship or worse a way of proving they are really over the ex. Eventually the relationship becomes a disappointment for both parties. It either becomes clear that the person is not gay or they really move on and no longer need the substitute. She had recognized it in Callie and had tried to resist what had started happening to her when they had met.

She had been right. Sure it looked a little different. Callie had never hesitated in getting involved with her, had pursued her even, which seemed to suggest she was okay with the gay thing. She had assumed Callie was over her ex, because frankly Callie never talked about her. There had been mention of her only once in their relationship. More importantly, this was not a substitute for a relationship that had barely existed. What she and Callie had was more substantive. But the train wreck was coming. She wanted to think she could do something to stop it. But the fact was that this didn't seem to be about her and Callie. Somehow, this didn't involve her at all. It was all Callie and Erica. There was no room for her in whatever they were working out. She wasn't Erica and unless she could magically turn into her, this was going to end in a train wreck for her.

She sighed. It was not like her to leave things unsaid, to roll over and just let things happen, but that was exactly what she was doing. She said nothing when Callie had insisted on spending her every free moment with Erica when Erica was here. She said nothing when Callie stopped wanting to spend any nights with her. Certainly spending an entire night had been rare in the two months they had been dating. But while in the past that had not meant 'no sex,' now that was exactly what it meant.

She said nothing when she realized that Callie was making up excuses to find time to be by herself. Callie wasn't a loner. So her, "I'll catch up with you in thirty minutes" or "give me an hour to rest and then I'll stop by Joe's" were suspicious at the least. She said nothing when Callie had poured out the whole story that had been her and Erica.

She said nothing because she didn't want to voice what she was thinking, did not want to actualize the idea that had seemed so impossible a week ago, when things had been easy and safe and absolutely solid between her and Callie. A week ago, there had been no Erica Hahn. Erica Hahn had been a bleep in her partner's history, a harsh introduction to a new lifestyle that Callie had only recently learned to accept - with Arizona. Callie and Arizona were the future and the future was what mattered.

So she remained silent, saying nothing, willing Erica Hahn to disappear just like she had last time. But it was not happening. Her unwillingness to voice what she suspected had no impact on reality. It was happening anyway. She now knew why Callie was so concerned with carving out alone time. She was talking to Erica. She was talking to Erica a lot.

She was able to recognize now when Callie was talking to Erica on the phone. Callie usually took the time to move down the hall away from her colleagues or interns, hiding, Arizona realized, in plain sight. She had confirmed it today.

_Arizona __and Callie had walked in together. It was the first time they had spent any significant time together since the morning Callie had poured out the whole Callie and Erica saga. Arizona had not known what to say to Callie after her emotional outpouring. So she had just hugged her and told her everything would be fine. The subtle shift in their relationship from rock solid lovers to tenuous and nervous friends had happened shortly after. __They hadn't acknowledged it, but it didn't matter. It was happening and Arizona felt helpless to stop it._

_They had met for coffee early, at Arizona's insistence. Callie had been thwarting her attempts at spending time alone and Arizona was just about done with that. She needed to spend time with Callie, remind her of all the reasons they had gotten together in the first place. But the morning coffee date had done nothing to alleviate Arizona's fears and anxiety about what was happening. _

_Callie's awkwardness that morning had made Arizona extremely nervous. She was trying hard not to panic, not to give too much thought to the possibility that her girlfriend, the woman she was in love with, was actually in love with someone else. Callie's phone rang as they walked in. Callie had retrieved the phone from her pocket with fumbling fingers, eyes glancing at Arizona nervously before the caller ID identified the caller. Callie's entire face changed. She had excused herself and walked down the hall, away from Arizona._

_The conversation had been short, under a minute Arizona noted. Callie had returned and told her it was Erica. _

_"We're um…you know, I mean... We're trying to talk, get our friendship back on track." She chuckled a bit as she put the phone back in her purse. "It can get kind of hard when she's in another state."_

_They continued to walk. Arizona had remained silent, processing this new bit of information, noting the language Callie used. _

We're trying to talk? Does that mean this is not the first conversation they've had over the phone?

_"I mean, when she was here...it was easy, you know. She was here, we could talk and have lunch, but with her being there and me being here, it makes it hard." Callie stopped abruptly, placing a hand on Arizona's arm, effectively stopping all motion._

_"Is this okay with you? Us, you know, talking?" She waited for Arizona to answer._

_Arizona looked away momentarily before responding._

_"Would it make a difference?" she asked._

_"Of course! I mean, the thing is..." Callie was starting to stammer. "She's my friend and I screwed up and now I feel like I'm getting this second chance and I don't want to screw it up again."_

_Arizona just listened silently wondering exactly what Callie wanted a second chance at._

_"So you have to be okay with me talking to her...and spending time with her."_

_"Your friend?" Arizona asked._

_"Yes my friend." Callie's voice had gotten sharp._

_"Your friend," repeated Arizona softening the words and erasing the implied question._

_"I don't have a problem with you talking to your friend," she said evenly trying not to emphasize the word friend, trying hard to remain calm._

_"But," she added. "I don't want to come in second to your friend either, Callie. I don't want to be dumped the moment she sets foot in Seattle. I don't want to have to beg for time with you." _

_She stepped closer, completely occupying Callie's personal space and reached up to cup Callie's cheek with her hand, searching Callie's eyes, wanting to communicate the depth of feelings she felt for Callie, wanting Callie to feel their connection._

_Callie's eyes flickered, she blinked and her eyes became unfocused. Arizona stepped back._

_"Is that what's going to happen?" she asked perplexed. _

_Callie was silent. Arizona started to walk again and Callie followed. _

_"I don't know," Callie __blurted out nervously._

Callie was trying to be honest_, Arizona thought. __She was trying to prepare her. Callie was probably not even aware that she was indeed preparing her._

_"I just....look, right now everything is so new and kind of fragile between me and Erica and I think we just need time. We...our friendship took a big hit and that's not going to be repaired with a quick two hour dinner. We need to re-establish trust and that takes time. Quality time. I need you to understand that."_

_They reached the elevator and stopped._

_"So that's a yes," said Arizona as they waited for the elevator. "When Erica comes into town, I can pretty much forget about spending time with you."_

_"Of course not. I'll still see you here. Erica won't be here, she'll be at Mercy."_

_The elevator doors opened and Arizona briskly stepped in. Something had just clicked and she wondered if she was ready to have her suspicions confirmed. She made her decision as the elevator doors closed. They were, miraculously, alone. She turned._

_"So is Erica planning to be back soon? Is she starting at Mercy? How often exactly will she be in Seattle?"_

_"She's going to be starting at Mercy soon, but she was asked to give San Francisco another six months. Mercy really wants her to start her new position, so she's making a couple of trips out here every month."_

_Arizona hadn't expected this. The whole time she was thinking she would have to contend with Erica Hahn maybe a few times a year, but Callie's statement seemed to suggest she would be in the area a lot._

_The ding signaling their floor was a welcome sound. Arizona had to end this conversation. She had to stop thinking about this._

_Once off the elevator, Arizona turned to Callie and put her hand on Callie's chest, just patting the place that held her heart. "I don't mind if you call her. She's your friend. Friends talk. It's fine." Then she turned and walked away, wanting to leave her love life in the elevator, wanting not to think about what she had just heard._

******************

_Later that morning she had been a reluctant witness to one of Callie and Erica's phone calls, well not exactly a witness. She couldn't hear the conversation. She had known it was Erica by the way Callie's face changed when she saw the caller ID. It was the same expression that had been on her face that morning. __How many times was this woman calling anyway?__ Callie had excused herself and walked down the hall and out of hearing range._

_But even if Arizona had just walked up and seen her on the phone, she would have known who Callie was talking to. It was Callie's body that gave her away. It seemed to move differently. It was more fluid, almost sensual. She held the phone close to her face, but her grip was completely relaxed. She glided and swayed in the narrow confines of the hallway with an easy motion. At one point she casually leaned on the wall, her pose open and inviting. She smiled a lot. It lacked the hurried, rushed motions that usually characterized Callie's phone manners, especially when she was at the hospital. Even when Callie's brother called, a person she laughed with a lot, her motions were more pointed. She walked quickly, or if she was stationary, her hands were in motion, the hand holding the phone gripped it firmly, her tones loud, rhythmic, almost clipped. But even from a distance, she could tell that Callie's demeanor was soft, completely open and welcoming. She had turned away, not wanting to see the confirmation of what she had been ignoring since the moment she heard Erica Hahn was in the hospital. She was losing Callie. _

She sat in her living room now. Callie was across town at her place. She tried not to think about what she was doing right now, tried not to picture her on the phone again. Instead she focused on what she had to do. She and Callie were right. She knew that. She had to convince Callie of that. But how do you compete with Erica Hahn? Even at the start of everything, Erica had seemed to play a role in her relationship with Callie, although the name itself had been mentioned only once. Cryptic references to prior experiences and mistakes infused her and Callie's relationship at the start, but Arizona had not known the depth of their involvement. How could she?

Arizona thought Callie and Erica had been together mere weeks and even those few had been mired in drama. Callie had not been specific, had just related the fact that it was hard and weird and contained too much drama. She had left out the part about how intense she and Erica had been. How the brief involvement had seemed to consume them both and how the no-big deal brief introduction to girl love had left a big gaping hole in Callie. That part she hadn't known until Callie's emotional outpouring.

The easy thing would be to walk away. Let Callie figure her shit out on her own. But she had never taken the easy route and she wasn't convinced that walking away without making an effort was something she could do, even if the effort was doomed to fail. She loved Callie. She thought Callie loved her. They were good together. They worked. There was no drama, no emotional turmoil. They had had their moments as a couple, but it wasn't emotional hell. She knew Callie, Callie knew her and all they had to do is talk through things to resolve issues. Callie needed a calming force in her life, not someone who would feed the freak-out monster in her.

Erica Hahn was not a calming influence. She stirred something up in Callie that made her way too emotional, too invested, to open and vulnerable, too prone to get hurt and hurt someone.

So she had to try, right? She had to at least try.

She sighed and reached for the remote, flicking the TV off and getting up reluctantly. Perhaps things would look better tomorrow.


	11. Chapter 11

All Roads Lead Back to You (Chapter 11)

Author: rcruz

_**Disclaimer: **__If I owned them, things would look a lot different. The characters, settings, established histories, and general Grey's Anatomy universe referenced in this work are properties of their respective owners. This is a work of fiction for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended._

Chapter 11 – Coming Apart

The room she was sitting in was dark, but that didn't bother Callie. It had been a long day with back to back surgeries, which meant she had not been available for Erica's call this morning. She called Erica as soon as she had a chance, but by then Erica was in surgery herself, so they had not spoken today. That had made the day seem even longer. It was late afternoon and she had one more surgery scheduled before she could realistically even think about calling it a day. She was sitting in the resident's lounge staring into space. She should be reviewing the labs on her next patient. She had gone over them once before, but she usually liked a second review before going in. This time, she was finding it hard to concentrate. Her body was in chaos alternating between the giddy butterflies-in-the-stomach-making-you-want-to-skip-down-the-hall feeling and the sick-to-your-stomach-guilt-laden-heavy feeling that made you want to hide in a corner and let the world just spin without you.

The problem was Erica. They were talking again and the last week had made Callie just a little hopeful that maybe, perhaps there was still something there between them. But she wasn't sure if what she was experiencing was just left-over stuff that needed to be cleared out or something solid and substantial. She wasn't sure how Erica was interpreting their interactions, although Erica hadn't shied away from the closeness when she was here. And if there was something there and it was real, Callie knew she wanted to pursue it.

But then there was Arizona. Arizona was sweet and quite honestly handled Callie's crazy better than anyone - even Erica. It was like Arizona just knew that Callie needed time and space to work her stuff out. Erica's visit was a good example of that. Arizona hadn't gone all - where have you been for the last two days - crazy on Callie. She hadn't insisted that Callie stop seeing Erica. She had just accepted Callie's explanations, had even wished her luck.

"Fuck!" Callie groaned out loud, because that was exactly the problem.

Arizona trusted her, was secure enough in what they had that she didn't have to get crazy, but every one of Callie's thoughts and actions, every damn skip of her heart was betraying Arizona. She had not voiced it yet, hadn't fully given it form, happy to let the idea of her and Erica be a mysterious, indescribable mist, barely an echo of a thought in her head. But it was growing and it was taking shape fast, which meant she had to deal with Arizona. She would not cheat again. She was not a cheater. She couldn't do that to Arizona or Erica. Not again.

She and Erica were getting closer. She could feel it, but she could also feel Erica holding back. She just wasn't sure why she was holding back. It could be because Callie was already in a relationship, which seemed the most logical explanation. But it could also be because she was scared of getting hurt again, or because she simply had no interest. And it was really too soon to ask her. They had agreed to talk as a way of reconnecting as friends, not lovers. If that came, the lover's part, it would come way down the line and not in a few days. And in the meantime, there was Arizona, sweet and kind and understanding Arizona.

"Fuck!" she said again even louder.

"You kiss your girlfriend with that mouth?"

Callie looked up to see Mark sauntering into the room in his scrubs. "Go to hell!" she said wanting to throw something at him.

"Just finished up a surgery," he said as his body flopped on the couch next to her, sending her files askew.

"What the hell Mark? This is the resident's lounge. Don't you have your own?"

"I like it better here. It's darker." He turned glittering eyes at her. "So, who do you wanna fuck?"

"You're an ass," she said as she started gathering up her files.

"Come on Torres. Just answer the question."

"Shut up," she said as she whacked him on the head with the file in her hand.

He covered his head laughing. She finished gathering the rest of the files as he settled himself on the couch.

"Seriously," he said. "What's going on with you and Hahn?"

"Nothing," she said quickly.

He was still smiling. "You two were pretty cozy at lunch when she was here."

"Okay not nothing. I don't know. We're...we're becoming friends again."

"Just like last time?" he said with a smirk.

She wanted to hit him again, but she had to admit he had a point. Last time their friendship had led to well…a romantic relationship.

"No," she answered seriously. "Way better than last time."

That seemed to surprise him.

"So are you back to hand holding and late night gab sessions?"

Callie felt her face grow hot and concentrated on the files in front of her.

He studied her for a full minute while she worked out what to say.

"Something like that. I'm... She's coming back in two weeks."

"Another two day jaunt?"

"No, four days. Four whole days," she said somewhat dreamily. She groaned running her hands through her hair and sighing loudly. "Well not whole days, she has to work and I have to work, but the rest of the time..."

She left the thought unfinished. They didn't have a plan yet, but she knew that if Erica allowed it, they would spend all their free evenings together.

"How's Arizona feel about that?"

"She understands we're just friends."

He laughed. "You and Hahn will never be just friends."

She mimicked his position on the couch, putting her files to the side.

"I know," she groaned. "I know, but I'm not sure Erica and I are...ready to deal with that yet. I don't even know if Erica still feels the same."

"You should tell her."

"Which one?" she asked, fully aware that at some point she would need to come clean with both Erica and Arizona.

"Exactly," he said relaxing into the seat and letting his head rest on the back of the couch.

"Erica and I...we're not there yet, but..." she left the thought hanging, not really wanting to give it voice yet and wondering if she was even making sense to him.

"But you want to be," he said.

She did not respond.

"You've always wanted to be," he finished.

"Yeah,' she whispered.

She picked up her files again. She really needed to focus on the next surgery and leave thoughts of her complicated love life for later. But she would need to deal with it soon. The excuses she kept giving Arizona were way too lame to work for much longer. Already Arizona had started demanding time with her, hence their coffee date yesterday. Pretty soon she would start demanding explanations instead of time. Arizona deserved an explanation, but Callie had not worked out what to say yet. Somewhere in her mind, she knew where all of this was headed, but a part of her didn't want to face it. She didn't want to see Arizona hurt and so she had been ignoring her, which was unfair and hurtful too. Not wanting to muddle her brain, she put thoughts of Arizona aside, promising to think about it tomorrow.

She closed her eyes willing her mind to clear, her heart to just beat normally and her breathing to come in nice even intervals. She kept her eyes closed and started thinking in words, writing the instructions to the procedure she was about to do as if she was writing a textbook, pushing the personal to the side and putting the professional front and center.

***************************

_San Francisco…_

She was doing it again. She was thinking about Callie in very inappropriate ways, in ways that friends should not think about friends. The week apart had not, much to Erica's annoyance, quelled the feelings that she had kept at bay semi-successfully for six months. Seeing Callie had been like opening a door that she could not seem to close again. It didn't help that they had talked almost everyday since she left Seattle. Most of their conversations were short. Neither of them had a lot of time and Callie's time, she knew, was divided between work and a girlfriend. But whatever juggling Callie was doing, she was somehow finding time to call and say Hi at least once a day. The only day they had missed had been the day after she landed back in San Francisco. Erica had been disappointed, but had tucked away the self-pity and woes me attitude somewhere deep in her consciousness and resolved to accept that Callie was her friend and friends didn't need to talk everyday.

But just like everything else, Callie had just gone and messed with her carefully laid out reasoning by calling her every damn day since. Most of their conversations averaged seven minutes. She had clocked them. She hadn't counted the two almost three hour long marathon sessions they had had knowing that would skew the average completely.

So here she was in a staff meeting, thinking about her again. She knew she had to get a hold of this thing before flying back to Seattle. Callie had already made plans for them to spend time together, schedules allowing. It wouldn't be a lot she knew. She was going to spend the majority of her time at Mercy West and Callie was still a resident, which meant that her schedule could be messed with at any time. Callie hadn't mentioned her girlfriend in any of their plans and Erica was secretly hoping that she would not have to see the girlfriend on this trip. But it was a ludicrous thought best left in secret fantasy land.

If Callie was her girlfriend, there was no way she would let Callie spend all her free time with an ex without insisting that she be a part of the plans. She cringed and pulled the blank notebook that was lying in front of her closer. She should really pay attention. She usually did, but it all seemed so mind numbingly boring to her, all this talk of schedules, forms one needed to fill out, the latest cafeteria policy, all of it was boring. She started a list instead of all the things she needed to do before her return trip to Seattle.

_Confirm the hotel; Car rental reservation, call Callie, dinner?_

She stopped and looked at what she had written briefly before scratching it out.

_Okay Hahn, you need to focus on something else. _

She looked at the Chief and tried really hard to concentrate on his words, willing thoughts of Calliope Torres out of her mind at least until the meeting was over.

*********************

_Back in Seattle…_

Arizona stood outside the on-call room dialing a familiar number on her cell phone. She could hear Callie's phone ringing inside the dark room. She was hoping it would just continue to ring, because that would mean Callie was asleep and just hadn't heard it. But after one ring, the phone went silent, which meant that Callie was ignoring her calls.

Arizona knew Erica was coming tomorrow and she knew that despite the fact that Callie had not found time for Arizona these last two weeks, she would make the time for Erica. She wondered exactly when Callie planned on breaking up with her. She contemplated busting into the on-call room and having it all out, forcing Callie to explain it all to her. Throw the words Callie had used when she was convincing Arizona that she was ready for a relationship back at her; ask her to explain how Arizona was not the rebound girl, how Callie was ready for a relationship. She wanted to ask her to explain all of that now. But that wasn't really her style. A shouting match in the on-call room was not how she wanted it to end and she had no doubt that it would indeed end if she walked into that room. She leaned against the wall.

Part of her really wanted to force Callie's hand. She had a distinct feeling that Callie was waiting until after Erica's visit to deal with their relationship. Maybe she didn't want to ruin her time with Erica or maybe Callie was keeping Arizona at bay as a safety net. If things didn't work out this visit, Arizona would still be there. Neither option spoke highly of Callie. It was cruel really and Arizona didn't want to let Callie get away with it.

"Were you waiting for me to just show up? How thoughtful of you."

"Hello Mark," she said with a tired voice.

"Waiting for Callie?"

She laughed nervously. "It seems that I am forever waiting for Callie."

"Ah," he said. He leaned against the wall next to her, tilting his head.

"What are you waiting for exactly?"

She looked down. "I don't know, really. For her to wise up, maybe. To realize what she has right in front of her. To stop chasing the impossible."

"Callie loves chasing the impossible. Impossible relationships are her crack."

She looked at him incredulously. "That's ridiculous. It doesn't make sense. Impossible relationships are just that impossible. They aren't real. You're always waiting. You wait for something to change, for the other person to stop looking at themselves and look at you. Callie is intelligent and beautiful; she doesn't have to be in an impossible relationship."

"Neither do you," he said as he pushed himself off the wall.

"Come have a drink with me. You don't want to get into anything with Torres tonight. She's been working like crazy. Save the sorrow for another day."

His words hit home. She couldn't figure out if he had intended them to or if it had been a lucky shot in the dark, but he was right. She didn't want a drink, but she didn't want to do this with Callie now either, even if it meant she gave Callie her four days with Erica.

"Come on. We can plot a passive aggressive strategy for you. Maybe you can show up at Mercy during lunch breaks and go around introducing yourself to everyone as Callie's girlfriend."

She laughed. "I'm not sure that would accomplish much."

"Probably not, but it would irk Erica."

"Maybe," she said still leaning against the wall not moving.

He was waiting expectantly.

"Do you think Erica really loves her?" she asked.

He put his head down dramatically for a second before letting out an exaggerated sigh. He looked at her seriously. "You really want me to answer that?"

The question had come out before she could check it, but now that it was out there, she found she did want to know. And she wanted to hear it from him. He had known Erica and Callie and he was not worried about hurting Arizona's feelings. He had no stake in the answer. "Yes, I do."

He looked at her. "With everything she is and everything she has."

And then she was sorry she asked. "I think I will have that drink, then." She pushed off the wall and stood up straight, running her hands through her hair. He put his arm around her and she could not help but lean into him. He spared a glance at the dark on-call room.

_You owe me big, Torres_.

***********************

Callie's phone was ringing, but it wasn't playing the ring tone that made her feel like she had butterflies in her stomach. It was the one that produced a great big giant rock in her stomach, which just lay there weighing down her whole body. She couldn't deal with Arizona right now, so she hit the Ignore button on her cell phone.

She had been trying to catch some sleep in the on-call room dreading the moment she needed to leave. Leaving the hospital meant dealing with Arizona and she didn't think she was up for that. She had been doing this for a couple of days, staying late, racking up hours, so that she didn't have anything lingering. She had worked it out with Bailey after Erica left. Bailey could work her like a dog for two weeks but had to give her the lightest schedule on the days Erica was here. Erica would he putting in long hours at Mercy West, but with her coming in for four days at a time, there was really only so much they could pile on. Erica had told her that she would be performing only routine surgeries and spending a lot of time dealing with administration issues for her four days. Which would leave her evenings relatively free and Callie was determined to fill those evenings.

But the Arizona thing was weighing on her. She had been avoiding Arizona for days now. She wasn't trying to be mean, it was just timing. Erica was coming tomorrow and the kind of talk she needed to have with Arizona was something that she figured they would need a few days to work through. A few days meant it would bleed into Erica time and she absolutely could not have that, so the talk with Arizona would have to wait until Erica left.

With the hours Bailey had her working and her daily phone conversations with Erica, she barely had time to even think about Arizona, let alone sit down for a lengthy heart to heart. The first few days after Erica left, she had tried to go back to her life before. She had really tried to hang out again with her friends and girlfriend. She had tried talking like they used to. She had even tried kissing her passionately. But that had turned weird because she had been thinking about Erica. The other significantly lighter kisses they shared had felt like she had been kissing Mark. She had just felt all out of whack after Erica left, like she wasn't quite herself, not quite whole. And so after the night she and Arizona had spent together at Arizona's, when she had just slept, they had not spent another night together. Their lunches were subdued. Their after work drinks, rare. It seemed that Callie had run out of things to say to Arizona.

Callie could not remember when she had decided that things with Arizona were not going to work out. The thought had just appeared in her head recently. No epiphany, no revelations, no seeing leaves or flowers or whole forests. She just knew that she loved Erica, had probably never fallen out of love with her. Erica was who she wanted. And so her relationship with Arizona had to end. She just didn't know how to do it.

She knew she was being a bit of a procrastinator having never liked to do the bad emotional stuff, especially when she was the bad guy. Even with George, when she was so not the bad guy, she had found it easier to confront Izzie then deal with the emotional heartache waiting for her with George. Besides at the moment there seemed to be no reason to hurry. She and Erica were friends. Callie was hoping for a lot more and she felt confident that she and Erica would get there, but nothing had been said yet. She had not been lying to Arizona about that. She and Erica were friends.

She sighed knowing all of her rationalizations could not change the fact that she was treating Arizona unfairly. She had lied to Arizona every single time she had told her that Erica was just a friend. Maybe in a court of law she could get off on a technicality, since her and Erica were friends, but Erica could never be "just" anything to Callie. From the moment Erica had shown up, the space in her heart had been filled to capacity, easily pushing everything else out. And that really wasn't fair to Arizona who had done nothing but be a supportive, understanding girlfriend. And now, Callie was not even giving her closure or rather she was making her wait for closure. Callie knew that was not cool, but this thing with Erica was still so tenuous, and they had so few days together that well...it was just how it had to be for now.

Mark was not helping matters, randomly muttering, "Just tell her already, the suspense is killing me," from time to time when he saw Callie. And he was only too ready to engage Callie in her favorite topic. He would let her blather on and on about Erica and then ask, "And how's the other girlfriend dealing with the new girlfriend?"

At which point she usually found something to throw at him.

But he was right. She had to do it, just not today. Erica was coming tomorrow.

**************

_Four days later..._

After what Callie could only describe as four of the shortest, but most amazing days of her life, she had dropped Erica off at the airport. Just like two weeks earlier, Callie had met Erica at the car rental, driven her to the airport, and waited with her until the last possible moment before Erica had to go through security. The only difference this time was that Erica wasn't surprised to see Callie waiting for her at the car rental office, since they had agreed on the plan that morning. It had been harder this time. They had been so close, so very close the last four days and then at the airport...it had been too much. That goodbye cemented for Callie what she had to do and so thirty minutes after saying goodbye to Erica, Callie was standing outside Arizona's apartment waiting.

It was 6:45 am and she knew that Arizona's usual wake up time was 7, so she was waiting.

It was a bad idea, the worse possible idea to break up with your girlfriend first thing in the morning...before work....especially when you worked in the same place.

But Callie was Callie and while she had figured out one part of her personal life, namely that she was still madly in love with Erica Hahn, other parts were more susceptible to bad ideas. Of course it was clear that she needed to break up with Arizona. It was imperative that she do so, because there was no way she was going to go through what she just went through at the airport again. No way was she going to put the love of her life on a plane without kissing her and telling her she loved her. No way was that happening again. She had to resolve this thing with Arizona and she had to do it now…or in 15 minutes.

She turned on the radio hoping for a distraction, but she barely heard it. She knew now that she should have dealt with the Arizona thing much earlier, like before Erica's visit. Things might have moved at a faster pace if she had.

She knew Erica had been holding back and she now knew why and it pissed her off that fucking Mark had been right...again! She should have just dealt with her crap. Yeah it had been hard to even think about hurting Arizona like she knew she had to, but damn it if it wasn't harder to be with Erica and not be able to _be_ with Erica.

She had seen the struggle Erica was engaged in the last four days. Erica had been open and receptive to Callie's desire for closeness, but then she would ask a question or make a comment that would dampen everything and bring Callie back to the reality that Callie was technically not supposed to be open to closeness with anyone but her girlfriend.

She had seen it last night too as they walked back from the restaurant having decided to skip the dessert and indulge in sweet and hot flavored coffees from what had become their favorite coffee place, the small cafe in the hotel lobby. They had been exchanging causal touches all night, not hesitating to reach for each other's hands when walking to the restaurant or anywhere else, sitting so close to each other that their shoulders almost touched in the restaurant, letting their eyes linger for long stretches of time. It had felt wonderful and right to Callie.

_The walk back from the restaurant started like any other walk with their hands automatically clasping. But Erica let go and brought her hand to Callie's back, pressing gently as she traced an invisible path across Callie's shirt and finally settling on Callie's waist. Callie smiled. Then Erica's hand had moved again making its way up Callie's back and resting solidly on Callie's shoulder, her whole arm automatically pulling Callie closer. Callie moved without conscious thought, both their bodies shifting and slowing to accommodate their new position. Callie was now slightly in front of Erica and she was seriously enjoying feeling their bodies shift against each other as they walked. She reached up to grab the hand dangling casually across her shoulder and held it. She gave free rein to her desire to run her thumb back and forth across Erica's hand. Their pace slowed again and Callie found she could not fight her natural desire to tilt her head and rest it lightly against Erica. Callie had felt a squeeze from the hand she held before Erica shifted again, letting her arm fall to Callie's waist, wrapping itself around Callie, pulling her even closer. Callie had sighed enjoying this position better. Her hand found the one resting on her waist again and covered it, effectively keeping it in place. She was walking in front of Erica now, half her body tucked into Erica's shoulder, being kind of pushed along by Erica's solid presence. It took them forever to get to the coffee shop._

_They were forced to separate upon entering, but kept their hands clasped as they approached the counter._

_"Hey, how's my favorite couple?" asked the bubbly person behind the counter._

_Erica immediately let go of her hand. She stepped forward and placed her order, before turning towards Callie. _

_"Do you want the usual or something different?" she asked casually but her eyes weren't meeting Callie's._

_"The usual," Callie responded, not sure whether she should correct the girl ringing up their order. She didn't want to. She liked people thinking they were a couple. Because she was fairly certain they were going to be a couple, a kick-ass hot couple too._

_They paid and moved to the end of the counter to wait for their drinks, an awkward silence suddenly invading their space._

_Erica ran her hands through her hair._

_"We probably should have corrected her," she said pointedly not looking at Callie. _

_Callie was watching her from a distance. Erica had very purposely made sure there was a safe distance between them, noting where Callie stood and moving a few paces away. Callie was thinking. She was thinking of how sure she was that they were already together. _How could Erica not see that?

_"Can you imagine if you walked in with your girlfriend? She would think you were cheating on me," Erica said with a forced nervous laugh._

_And then it all clicked for Callie. It was easy for Callie to see what was happening between them as the natural progression of a relationship. Erica wasn't currently with anyone. But to Erica it must look very different, because Callie did, at least technically, have a girlfriend. She stepped forward._

_"The next time I walked in here with my girlfriend, trust me, that girl..." her eyes shifted to the bubbly girl preparing their drinks and then back to Erica, "won't be confused."_

_Erica frowned, clearly not getting what Callie was trying to tell her. But that was okay. Callie was going to fix that soon. She considered telling Erica about the impending break-up, but decided against it. Arizona had nothing to do with them. She needed to deal with that on her own before she took the next steps with Erica. She didn't need to process her Arizona crap with Erica. That was what Mark was for._

_The drinks were placed on the counter as bubbly girl gave them one last smile._

_"Vanilla latte and triple mocha, no whip cream extra hot all ready."_

_Callie grabbed both drinks and turned around leaning casually on the counter and raising the cup that had Erica's drink in silent offering. Erica walked over, taking it from her with one hand. Before she could step back, Callie grabbed her free hand. _

_Erica stilled, looking at Callie over the top of her hot cup. Callie saw the struggle in Erica's eyes. The desire to get back on the more solid grounds of their friendship, warring with the part of her that allowed her and Callie to pretend that they were so much more than friends. A squeeze of her hand warmed Callie's whole body with the knowledge that once again that part that liked to pretend had won. _

Just hang on baby_, thought Callie. _This won't be pretend for much longer.

_They walked out of the coffee shop, still holding hands._

She had cursed herself on the way up to Erica's room for not taking care of the whole Arizona thing sooner. The last four days might have been a lot more interesting had she done that. But she was learning, which is why she was still sitting in her car waiting for 6:59 to turn to 7:00.

********************

She rang the bell and waited for the buzz that would let her in. It took about three minutes. Callie was about to try calling, when she heard the buzzer.

She made her way up the stairs and to Arizona's apartment. The door was locked. She knocked and for the first time since she had arrived, started to seriously think about what she was going to say. It was another couple of minutes before she heard the chain being undone on the other side of the door. She saw the doorknob turn slowly and was about to shout that it was her when the door finally opened.

"Hey," she said nervously.

Arizona was standing there fully dressed. Callie frowned.

"You're dressed."

"Very observant. Yes I was on my way out."

"But you always get up at 7," said Callie clearly surprised.

"I've been getting up earlier, but then how would you know that? We haven't spent any decent time together in a few weeks, have we? I'm sure you know what time Erica gets up though, so there's that."

Callie stared at her. Maybe the whole break-up-now-this-very-minute idea had not been her best tactic.

"I just came to...um...see if you wanted....to um...we need to....I mean, I need to talk to you."

Arizona tilted her head as she considered Callie's words.

"No. I don't think so."

"What do you mean no? Look can I come in. It's early and I don't want to wake up your neighbors." Arizona breathed loudly before stepping back from the door and allowing Callie access.

"We need to talk," Callie tried again.

"Well I don't need to talk to you."

"Fine, don't talk, just listen..."

"I'm not sure I want to listen either."

"What?" Callie knew this was going to be hard, but she had not anticipated Arizona being non-cooperative, although seriously, how cooperative was one expected to be when someone was breaking up with you?

"Arizona, I don't...I know you don't want to hear this, but you can't prevent me from saying it."

"I have to go," said Arizona walking past Callie and reaching for her bag and jacket.

"It's over, Arizona."

Arizona stopped.

"I can't do this anymore," said Callie.

Arizona laughed. "Do what exactly? You haven't been 'doing' anything with me since Erica came back."

Callie said nothing.

Arizona walked toward Callie.

"You're pathetic, you know that. We have a good thing, Callie, a very good thing. What is she offering you? Nothing you don't already have, but here we are, right? You're going to dump me so you can run off and be with her, what twice a month when she comes here? For as long as she decides she wants to have you? Until you freak out again? I can just see it, you're parents find out and disown you or something and you'll freak and she'll just leave again. She's done it before. What makes you think it won't happen again?"

"It just won't," said Callie.

Arizona started laughing.

"You really believe that, don't you?"

Callie was silent.

"Right, of course you do," said Arizona in a tone of voice that said the idea was utterly ridiculous.

Finally, Callie found her voice.

"Yes I do. I love her. And I'm done freaking out."

Arizona laughed again. "No, you're not. You'll freak out again and she won't be able to handle it and she'll go. The minute she thinks you're going to hurt her, she'll go."

"That is not going to happen. But if it does, I'll just...follow her."

Callie watched Arizona studying her.

"It's impossible, you know. You and her," said Arizona.

"I don't know if it is or isn't. I just know I want to be with her."

"Well I guess you're free to do that now." Arizona reached for the door and opened it.

Callie walked toward it, but stopped at the entrance. She turned.

"I want you to know that I didn't plan this. I do care about you and I'm sorry."

"Could you just leave, please?"

Callie walked out the door. To the end, Arizona had been a good girlfriend. It had gone easier than Callie had imagined. Obviously Arizona was upset, but she could have it made it much harder on Callie, much, much harder.

She made it to the car and started the engine. Two more weeks and Erica would be back again and this time there would be no holding back.


	12. Chapter 12

All Roads Lead Back to You (Chapter 12)

Author: rcruz

_**Disclaimer: **____If I owned them, things would look a lot different. The characters, settings, established histories, and general Grey's Anatomy universe referenced in this work are properties of their respective owners. This is a work of fiction for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended._

Chapter 12 - Wanting

Erica woke with a start. She ran her hands through damp hair and cursed. She kicked the sheets off in anger and lay down trying to calm her breathing. She was counting her breaths, trying to extend each one a little further, until she was pushing air in and out in nice, deep, relaxed breaths. Then she cursed again.

Her clothes felt clammy against her skin, but she couldn't get up just yet. She still needed to clear her mind. She had no hope of getting back to sleep or not waking up from another heated dream until she cleared her mind of everything related to Callie Torres.

Her skin was now turning cold and she suppressed a chill. Giving it all up as lost, she got up and made her way to the bathroom. She splashed her face with warm water and proceeded to strip out of her t-shirt and panties. She had given up on wearing boxers to bed or any other bottoms besides panties a few days ago, when the vivid erotic dreams had started to wreak havoc with her sleep.

It had been five days since she had come back from Seattle. Five days since she had almost kissed Callie at the airport. The dreams had been invading every night since. The almost kiss would play over and over and then suddenly everything would change and image after image of Callie would invade. The images were disjointed; the dreams contained no plot, no story, and no narration, just snippets of Callie naked, Callie in her arms, and Callie in the throes of passion. The first night her arousal had been so stark, so intense, she could barely think. Instinctually her hands had reached down into her boxers and past the underwear, seeking immediate release. And it had come immediately. The dreams had invaded every night since and every night she woke aroused, her whole body throbbing.

Those last moments at the airport, she thought would break her resolve. They had been saying their goodbyes in soft whispers; standing way too close to each other and when they finally hugged it had been like a flickering spark trying its darnedest to get out of control. The hug had started as a full body affair and then their bodies had moved impossibly closer, thighs intertwined in a very sensual way. Their arms and hands had begun to move and they moved even closer, their breathing suddenly sounding too loud. Erica couldn't help it. There was no way this was just two friends hugging. Callie had to know that.

The movement of Callie's head had disappointed her at first, thinking that it was a signal that the hug was over. But a new wave of excitement had rolled over her as she felt Callie's face bury itself in her neck. Nothing had ever felt so wonderful. She could feel Callie's uneven breaths on her neck and reciprocated burying her own head in Callie's hair and relishing her scent. She has trying to talk herself out of kissing the lovely neck just a breath away, knowing there was no way she could explain that away as a friendly gesture, when she felt Callie move again. She felt Callie's cheek on hers, and then Callie carefully turned her head placing a soft kiss on Erica's cheek. Erica had followed her lead with a kiss of her own, placed as close to Callie's mouth as she dared. When she felt Callie leaning into her, her head turning, her mouth slightly open in clear invitation, she knew they had to stop. She had placed both hands on Callie's waist and raised her head. Their foreheads came together in an almost automatic gesture.

"I have to go," she had whispered.

"I know," she heard Callie say.

Finally Callie had lifted her head and pushed Erica slightly. Erica had smiled one last time before reaching for her bag and making her way to the security line.

That had been five days ago. She thought things might be awkward after that, so instead of calling Callie when her plane landed as she had last time, she had sent a text message. A minute after hitting the send button, her phone rang. And much to Erica's surprise, it had not been awkward, just more of the same. They had talked everyday as usual, processing their days, sharing news back and forth, debating issues or just talking. For about a minute she thought maybe she was making too much of the airport incident, because their conversations seemed to suggest that nothing had changed. But then the nighttime conversations started which had all but confirmed Erica's view that things were definitely different.

Erica didn't know what Callie and Arizona were doing or how they were doing in general, but Callie always seemed to find time for her. And lately, Callie was spending long hours talking to Erica at night. At night their conversations changed just a little. In the last few days, Erica could swear that they had crossed some lines. They had talked about their short relationship and how they had had so little time to really get to know each other and somehow Erica knew they were talking about sex. She could count on one hand the number times they had made love, so yeah, they had not had time to really know each other. All the talk about wanting more time to feel each other out, how they had never gotten the opportunity to learn each other's likes and dislikes, how they had missed out on driving each other crazy, were laced with a subtext that had driven her nuts. Callie it appeared was very, very good at subtext.

She thought back to the dreams as she searched her dresser for another t-shirt. It might have been the near kiss that was causing them. Or it might be the late night conversations with Callie that had been turning more and more flirtatious. The calls were getting longer too. Her phone bill would be ridiculous, she knew. She had worried about Callie's phone bill, but Callie had assured her that it wasn't a problem. Either she or Callie would call and they would spend hours on the phone. Last night they had been getting ready for bed while still on the phone. That conversation had gotten very interesting. She didn't how to describe it really, but it had definitely been more charged, especially in the moments right before they said their goodbyes.

_"I wish you were here already and not there," said Callie._

_"Yeah. That would be nice."_

_"More than nice. I like it better when you're here and I can reach out and touch you."_

_Erica's eyes had widened at Callie's words, but she said nothing._

_"Because I like touching you and having you near me," Callie's words filled the silence._

_Erica could very well not ignore that one and before she knew it she had taken a deep breath and said, "I like that too."_

_"Good," had been Callie's response. _

They had said their goodbyes shortly after.

_I'm just frustrated_, she thought. _This is just left over from when we were together._ She had been telling herself that for the last five days, telling herself over and over that Callie wanted friendship and nothing more. She couldn't want anything more. She was with someone and although Callie had never shared anything with her about Arizona, she had certainly not denied that they were together.

Erica did not like thinking about Callie and her girlfriend, so she often didn't. She didn't like to imagine how Callie spent her nights when Erica was not in Seattle. Erica had been content knowing Callie was with her when she was in Seattle. They had spent their evenings and most nights together both times Erica had been there. But thinking about where Callie was sleeping when Erica was in San Francisco really made her uncomfortable, actually more than uncomfortable, it was upsetting, so she just didn't do it.

Lately though, she thought she didn't have to wonder. Callie usually made clear where she was during their night time conversations and there was an implied understanding that Erica was the last person she was talking to before calling it a night. And usually Callie was at her own place, alone, or the on-call room when she was on-call.

She tried not to think about Arizona and her rolling shoes too much either. She especially tried not thinking about their encounter in the hospital parking lot. Most times she was content thinking Callie had no girlfriend. Callie didn't talk about her. She didn't ask. There was no point in asking about something you really didn't want to know about. But in the late hours, when sleep seemed impossible unless she got Callie out of her mind, she thought about how this must look to Arizona and cringed.

She crawled back into her cold sheets having donned a new t-shirt and panties and laid down, fingers laced together behind her head, staring at the ceiling in her bedroom. She could not continue like this. This - as much as she wanted it to - was not going away. It was time to face the truth. She was still very much in love with Callie Torres and no amount of will power would change that. She wanted Callie's friendship, but she also wanted Callie. She wanted her like she saw her in her dreams. Those dreams were not the product of flirty night time talk, or sexual frustration, or left over feelings. They were a manifestation of something she had known for awhile, but was trying at different times to ignore, suppress and obliterate in her mind. She was still very much in love and that had implications. She could not be friends with Callie, not with all of these feelings she could not easily control whirling around inside her.

And her control was wavering. She had been able to keep some semblance of control for awhile. She had been reticent and unsure the first two days she had seen Callie on her first unscheduled trip to Seattle. Her control however, remained intact for the most part during that trip. The drinking hadn't helped and the long emotional talk was draining, but still she had felt in control of everything. The second trip was a disaster. She had thought she could do it again, but her carefully controlled feelings were tugging at their leash every time they saw Callie. Spending time with Callie, significant time, strained the leash she had on those feelings to a breaking point. She honestly had no idea how she had been able to rein them in at the airport. She had felt so overwhelmed by them. Her hold on the leash had given just slightly, her feelings threatening to break free. Unable to maintain a grip at the airport, she had slackened her hold on the leash, released the feelings just a little, hugging Callie to her, kissing her cheek, satiating her desires momentarily, so she could gather her strength anew and strengthen her hold on the leash again.

Erica was not someone who lied to herself often, but on this topic, she had tried because she knew that not being able to keep these things under wraps, meant she would lose Callie's friendship again. She did not want that. But her strength was failing her and nothing was working. Even the thought of Arizona Robbins was no longer working. Thinking about Callie's girlfriend was just pissing her off, because on the surface at least, she seemed like she was probably a nice person. She was an idiot, but she didn't seem mean.

Erica knew she had to make a decision. She either had to tell Callie how she felt or leave again and the prospect of either of those things scared the hell out of her. She did not want to leave Callie again, but she was not about to interfere in Callie's relationship. She couldn't do that. Nevertheless, she would have to make a decision soon, because she was fairly certain she would not survive another trip out to Seattle without losing all control and kissing Callie senseless. And she had no right to do that.

**********************

Erica's heart was beating too fast. She was a heart surgeon, so she knew things and one of the things she knew was that her heart was beating way too fast. It was raising her blood pressure and sending too much blood at too fast a pace through her body. It wasn't going to kill her. Not yet. But if her heart kept this up for the entire trip to Seattle, she was going to start having problems.

So she tried to concentrate on her breathing as she sat in the taxi that was taking her to the airport. She didn't want to close her eyes because her mind, her wonderfully powerful mind; that organ that knew the mechanics of the human heart like the back of her hand, seemed to be working overtime, conjuring up image after image of Callie. And these were so not good images. They were positively, absolutely not good images to have of a friend. But they were there and Erica had not been able to expel them. They had been there as she got ready for bed last night, during her sleeping hours, and when she awoke in the morning. They were still there when she was showering, as she tried to read the paper, and with every spoonful of cereal she shoved into her mouth. They had been there throughout the day, a comforting and disturbing presence, reminding her of what awaited her when she landed in Seattle today in the early evening hours.

She was heading to Seattle and to Callie and she was in trouble. Because if the images didn't stop, she was going to do something stupid when she landed, something that would ruin the progress they had made in their tenuous friendship. But she had tried everything. She had tried reminding herself that Callie was with someone. She had tried remembering the turmoil their last attempt at a romantic relationship had caused. She had even tried to conjure up the image she had banished from her memory banks just weeks earlier of Callie and Arizona kissing in the halls of Seattle Grace. She had tried to think about work, replay the Tapley surgery in her head, recite all the parts of the heart and their function, but nothing was working.

Instead she was imaging Callie's soft hands as they held her in place during their first real kiss a hundred years ago, the way their lips had seemed to just know each other. The way Callie had looked at her unsure of what she had done and the smile that followed, when Erica reached for her to continue that kiss. She was thinking about the last trip she had made out to Seattle and the quiet dinners, the touches that seemed to grow in intensity with every hour they spent together, and those long lingering looks that kept coming her way. The looks that had made her want to take Callie in her arms and hold her close, arms fully wrapped around her, their bodies touching all along their length, legs intertwined. It had been an impossible thing to resist, and Erica had given up trying fairly quickly. She had hugged Callie in just that way, more than once, more than twice. It had become a substitute for the kisses she wanted to give but couldn't. If she had had one more day, she wasn't sure what would have happened on that last trip because it had been nearly impossible not to kiss Callie last time.

And now she was on her way back and she couldn't do that again. She couldn't just see Callie and not...kiss her. But Callie wasn't available and so she was dreading the trip and the images because it had to end. She had to tell Callie that she couldn't see her. She had to hurt her. Again. And she wasn't sure if she was really going to be able to do that either. So here she was, sitting in traffic, waiting to get to the airport and on a plane that would take her back, with a heart that was beating way too fast.

**********

This was getting annoying. She shifted in her seat both anxious and ready for the flight to end. She tried reading the medical journal she had brought with her, but the memories of her last trip to Seattle kept coming.

She had spent four days in Seattle and barely slept. Practically every free minute that she had was spent with Callie. Erica honestly didn't know what Callie was doing to make it possible for them to spend so much time together, but they had. They had shared dinner every night. Sometimes the dinners had been short hurried affairs in restaurants, followed by long walks and talks at one of Seattle's many parks. Sometimes they were more involved slow interactions in Erica's hotel room; Chinese take-out eaten on the couch in between long stories of childhood traumas, embarrassing stories of youthful indiscretions (mostly Callie's) and the torturous first year of their internships. They had spent time at Joe's one night playing darts and drinking way too much wine. But no matter where they started, the nights had always ended at Erica's hotel and Callie always stayed.

They hadn't planned it that way and Callie was forever scrambling in the morning to get back to her place in time for a quick shower and change of clothes. It almost seemed like once they were together, it was impossible for them to separate and so if they had a choice about it, they...just...didn't.

Erica idly wondered what Montgomery would say if she saw them now. They were friends again, that was a given, but if Addison had seen a couple before they had even shared a kiss, what she would see now would cement her views. Before all of this started happening, before the idea of her and Callie even existed, there had been closeness for sure. There had been light banter and an ease and comfort between the two of them that spoke of increasing intimacy. Light innocent touches were given and taken without thought. But now, now the touches between them were electric; they were still given and taken, but not without thought. Every single time Callie touched her, Erica thought about it, lingered, explored and tucked the thoughts away for further contemplation later. Every conversation seemed to be laced with a subtext that Erica found hard to ignore when those conversations replayed in her mind, which they did often.

When she was in Seattle with Callie there was no need for the replay. She had things to look forward to then. She could anticipate the touches and the sound of Callie's voice. She could examine how it went really soft when she was saying something important, how her confidence was often on display when she talked fast, words almost running into each other and bursting forth in rapid succession. How insecurity slowed the flow of words into a stuttering repetitive jumble.

Sitting across from Callie with a box of Kung Pao Chicken on the hotel couch, her legs spread out in front of her and intertwined with Callie's, she could focus on Callie's eyes and how everything showed in them. She could study how they went wide when Callie was excited, how they seemed to match Callie's speed, moving back and forth and around the room looking at everything when Callie was speaking in fast spurts. When the talk was subdued, how those eyes seemed to slow and linger on objects, the pupils shrinking just a touch. She could study the sequence of events Callie's eyes made every time they touched. The touch of skin on skin seemed to always draw Callie's attention momentarily, her eyes would glance at whatever parts of their body were in contact, soften and glisten, a gentle sigh would escape her lips and then a glance downwards and then back up to Erica's eyes. The smile that followed was the best part.

Montgomery would probably not believe they weren't a couple if she could see them now. Erica had a hard time believing it. But they weren't, no matter how many times they woke up in each other's arms, no matter how many times Callie reached for her hand as they were walking, no matter how many times they shared one of those long 5-minute-I-want-to-feel-every-part-of-your-body-touching-mine hugs that had happened a frequently on the last trip before the I-really-want-to-kiss-you hug at the airport.

They hadn't talked about anything beyond friendship, had been careful to avoid the current state of Callie's love life, but it was now front and center.

Erica had thought of nothing else for the last two weeks. So she had a decision to make. She could move forward and ask Callie to be with her or she could walk away, because despite how much she enjoyed Callie's friendship, it would not be enough. She wanted so much more.

But...she was scared. She had done this once before, moved faster than Callie and then walked away when Callie didn't move at her speed. She was doing it again and that wasn't fair to Callie. They were friends which is what Callie wanted. And what Callie wanted, Callie got. Erica cringed. _Easier said then done_, she thought and sighed loudly.

Erica could not keep this up. She could not pretend that she didn't want more with Callie. She sighed again and with a sinking feeling that had nothing to do with the start of their descent, she realized that they had made no real progress. They were back where they were almost seven months ago; wanting to be together, but not really knowing how. Except now there was a third person. Erica rested her head on the back of her seat contemplating.

For the first time since she had first laid eyes on Callie kissing another woman, Erica allowed herself to _really_ think about her, Callie's girlfriend; the woman that had managed to get what Erica so badly wanted. Up until then she had thought about her only as a nuisance, an inconvenience, or not at all.

She had no idea how Arizona was perceiving her relationship with Callie. She knew Arizona loved Callie and at least on some level was willing to fight for her. She had after all confronted Erica in the parking lot at the end of her first visit weeks ago. Erica had never mentioned the incident to Callie and Callie had never questioned her about it, so Erica was unsure if Callie was even aware that it had happened. But other than that confrontation, Arizona had been almost a non-entity in whatever it was that was happening between her and Callie.

Callie never talked about Arizona. Not when they were together, not when the spoke on the phone, not in the emails they exchanged. If Erica had not been a witness to that kiss, she wondered if she would even know Callie was with someone. The few times Erica had brought up the girlfriend, Callie's reaction had always been the same. It had always been some version of: S_he understands that we're friends_.

Erica had accepted the explanation not really wanting to think about Callie with someone else. She was pretty successful at it too, never once letting her brain venture into too many detailed thoughts of what Callie did when they were in separate cities. She was happy with the knowledge that Erica seemed to become Callie's whole world when they were together.

But she wanted that all the time. She wanted to be with her and not have to consciously block out thoughts of how Callie spent her days in between Erica's trips to Seattle. She wanted to know how Callie spent her days. She wanted the real thing with Callie. She wanted to be able to kiss her and think about her in sexy ways without putting a clamp on those thoughts or getting mired in guilt afterward. She wanted to tell Callie how hot and bothered Callie made her or how beautiful she looked when she slept. She wanted to stop thinking of excuses for Callie to spend the night and just have it be assumed. She wanted Callie, fully and completely.

Could she do that? Break up Callie's relationship? She felt the plane sink faster and was sure they were only minutes from their final descent into Sea Tac. She had to make a decision. She had been deliberating for weeks now waiting for Callie to give her some sign or indication of what she wanted. And everything she had seen seemed to point in one direction: Callie wanted to be with her too. But then why was she still with Arizona? Because as far as Erica was concerned that was the only reason she and Callie were still apart. Erica would have made her move long ago if it had not been for queasiness over interfering in Callie's relationship. But maybe that was really the answer. Despite everything Erica thought she was seeing, maybe the fact that Callie was still with her girlfriend was the sign she had been looking for. She had just ignored it, because it was not saying what she wanted it to say.

The plane's speed seemed to increase and Erica tensed. It was the moment for harsh truths. She would get off this plane in a few minutes, pick up her rental and drive to her hotel. Callie would probably be waiting in the lobby as she had been last time. Erica needed to decide if she should share what was in her heart or lock it up forever and finally say goodbye, before she saw Callie in that lobby.


	13. Chapter 13

All Roads Lead Back to You (Chapter 13)

Author: rcruz

_**Disclaimer: **__If I owned them, things would look a lot different. The characters, settings, established histories, and general Grey's Anatomy universe referenced in this work are properties of their respective owners. This is a work of fiction for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended._

Author's Note: Only two chapters of this little saga left…

Chapter 13 – Leaps and Bounds

She was concentrating on the map in her head. Go all the way down this long hallway and then soft rights until you run into the escalators that lead towards baggage and the rental company. She never checked baggage on these short trips, but the car rental companies were all on the same floor as baggage, so she always ended up there. The company she used was located near the exit doors and so she headed that way, almost tripping over the legs of someone who had decided to settle themselves on the floor in front of the baggage claim screen.

She wanted to yell at the person for nearly tripping her, but her mind was too jumbled for her to think of an appropriate admonishment, so she just continued walking towards the rental counter.

"Hey!"

She turned around annoyed and not really wanting to do battle with a stranger.

"What?" she shouted right back.

Callie was getting to her feet.

"You climbed right over me."

"Callie?"

_Crap!_

Callie was here and Erica wasn't ready yet. She needed to finish thinking, to come to terms with what she thought she had to do. This would mess her up, she knew it. She felt it happening. Her heart, which had finally managed to settle down into some semblance of regular rhythm during the two hour flight, picked up its frantic pace again.

"Yeah. Surprise!" said Callie with a little bounce and a wave of her hands.

"I was thinking about you coming last night and it occurred to me that you always rent a car and then you barely use it, so...I thought I would come and pick you up and drive you to the hotel and you can just use my car when you need one."

Callie inched closer as she spoke until she was in Erica's personal space.

She grabbed Erica's free hand as she continued to plead her case. "It would save you money and it's better for the environment. If our environmental friends knew that we drive two cars to the airport every two weeks they would freak out!"

Erica was not saying anything. She was busy trying to get her emotions under control. But it was hard. Callie was right in front of her, standing so close that Erica could smell her shampoo. She was standing there stroking Erica's hand with wide pleading eyes. Erica was wrong. It wasn't hard. It was impossible. She closed her eyes, stopped thinking and allowed her emotions free rein.

_Fuck it_, was her last rational thought before dropping her bag and lunging.

Callie's lips were better than she remembered. They were softer, wetter, fuller and in that moment they became Erica's whole world. Her hands made their way to Callie's face just like their first kiss, but this time she wasn't afraid Callie would pull back. This time Callie's whole body surged forward, her hands pulling at Erica's waist, clutching at her shirt.

Erica's tongue seemed to have a mind of its own, venturing out to lick Callie's lips. She thought she heard a moan and then Callie's mouth opened and their tongues touched. She was pretty sure she was getting ready to pass out, so she reluctantly slowed their pace, removing her tongue and planting wet kisses on Callie's lips before detaching her own. She still held Callie's head and could not help but look into those chocolate brown eyes that had grown impossibly dark. Callie's breathing was irregular as she imagined hers was as well. They just stood there staring at each other, trying to see beyond the eyes, beyond the lips and tongues and hands that attached them and into the deep places where our true selves hide.

Callie bit her lip unconsciously and Erica's resolve broke once more. She wanted her lips on Callie's again, so she leaned in and kissed her again. It was exquisite, this feeling, and she wondered how she had managed to live without it for so long. The sound of rolling luggage was all around her. It should have been meaningless, that sound. It should have blended in with the other airport noises, but this time it didn't. This time it triggered a memory, a vision she had thought banished, of someone else kissing the soft lips moving under her own. She stopped.

She couldn't do this. She couldn't make Callie a cheater. And that was really the answer to everything. Callie had to make the decision to break up with Arizona, not Erica. Erica knew what she wanted, had always known. Callie it seemed, still did not. For Erica this had all been so easy from the very beginning, but for Callie it seemed things remained complex.

She put her hands down and stepped back.

"I did it again," she said not really looking at anything. "I can't believe I did this again."

"Erica?"

She heard Callie's unsure voice even through the chaos currently erupting in her head. Things were not really making sense at the moment for her. Her brain was screaming, literally screaming at her to walk away, but her heart and her body were holding her in place, not wanting to leave again.

Erica looked at Callie and started to speak.

"I um..." she stopped and tried to start again. It was all too much for her senses, for her body. Finally her brain kicked in.

"Callie, I can't. I can't do this with you anymore. I thought I could. I want to be able to do it. But I can't. I can't just watch you be with...I can't be the friend you want me to be."

She knew she wouldn't be able to say anymore, so she turned, picked up her bag and walked away.

"Erica?"

She heard Callie behind her and almost stopped. But it was surprisingly easy to just stop thinking and follow the stream of pedestrian traffic outside.

****************

Erica walked through the double doors and out of the airport. All she wanted to do was cry. She had no car, but she was in no condition yet to actually acquire, let alone, drive one, so she searched for the taxi stand, figuring that was her best bet for a quick getaway. She spotted it not too far off, a short line of people already queued up and waiting. She started walking toward it, holding every single emotion in, knowing she couldn't contain them for long, but hoping she could quell them until she checked in at the hotel.

But it wasn't working this time. She realized it halfway to the line of people waiting for cabs. She wasn't going to make it without a break down. She just stopped and concentrated on breathing, hoping it would center her and give her the strength to move forward.

She couldn't believe that after everything, Callie could just do this to her again. Had she not learned anything in the six months they were apart? Apparently, the only thing she had learned was that she really couldn't be around Callie without loving her and eventually walking away from her because Callie couldn't decide that she wanted to be with her, just her. _Just like last time,_ she thought.

She knew she must look pretty strange standing still in an area where people were mostly moving, but she was paralyzed by her thoughts. It seemed that her body was incapable of moving, and only her brain remained semi-functional. And then she did begin to cry, because she had left again. She had kissed Callie and then just left her there, one more thing Callie would have to wonder about.

_She has a right to know why you're walking away,_ she thought. And then she felt like she could move. She turned around and looked at the door she had just come out of. Callie was probably gone by now. But it didn't change the fact that Callie had a right to know. And so she moved her feet and starting retracing her steps, 'she has a right to know' a mantra in her head.

The door seemed far away though and her thoughts were shifting fast.

_She has a right to know I want to be with her and I do. I want all of her, the freaky, the crazy the sexy, all of it._

And then her steps quickened and realization so long in coming finally arrived.

_Erica you are a fucking idiot!_ _It's been in front of you the whole time. This is not just Callie's decision, it's yours too. You have to fight for her. Since when did you forget that you have to fight for the things you want?_

***********************

Callie was stunned. She had just experienced the single most amazing kiss of her life - which was saying something. She could still taste Erica's mouth on her, a curious mix of coffee and mint. And now she was standing in the baggage claim of a busy airport, all alone wondering what the fuck had just happened.

She had barely heard Erica's speech, still caught up in the gooey haze of the kiss. In fact, she had heard none of it but the last part. That last part about not wanting to be friends had registered.

"I can't be the friend you want me to be."

_What the hell had that meant? _And while she tried to decipher it, Erica had turned around and started walking away from her.

_What the hell was going on?_

She had called out to Erica in her confusion, confident that she wasn't really being left again. She couldn't be. Not after everything they had been through. Not after the kiss they had just shared. No way was Erica Hahn walking away...again.

And then she was gone.

Callie stood there unmoving, her mind transporting her temporarily to a similar moment almost seven months ago when she had witnessed the exact same thing. Except now she knew what it meant. Seven months ago, she thought there would be a tomorrow. That they would talk about it and make-up like they had done before. Today, she knew better. Erica walked away and didn't come back. There was going to be no tomorrow. She felt wetness on her face and angrily wiped it away.

_I cannot believe she did this to me again, _she thought._ I have let her do this to me again! Wait..._

She stood straighter. _There is no way you are doing this again. Last time I was stupid enough not to follow you to make sure you came back. Not this time. You will not leave me here alone with no fucking explanations Erica Hahn!_

And with those final thoughts, her legs were moving her toward the door.

**********************

The doors opened a second before Erica thought they should have, but she pushed that thought to the side and barreled right through, running right into another body hurriedly making its way outside. But this time, she was paying attention and she knew this body.

Callie.

She reached for her frantically dropping her bag in the process.

"Callie" she said.

Callie had stopped the moment Erica had reached for her.

They stared at each other bewildered. Fresh tears welled up in Callie's eyes as she whispered, "You came back."

"Yeah, I wanted to explain..." Erica started.

"Erica, you can't this to me again. I will not..." the tears were running freely down Callie's face, but she continued on. "I will not...be left...alone. I love you. Do you understand that? I'm head over heals crazy in love with you!"

So many things were going on in Erica's body that she couldn't even begin to enumerate them all. She was beyond relieved to see Callie still here. She did not really trust her senses on it, so she just hung on to her, hands curled around Callie's arms, wanting the physical reassurance that Callie was there. But Callie's stumbling speech had sent her heart soaring. She put her arms around Callie and just held on, Callie frantically clutching at her.

"Don't leave."

Erica heard Callie's whispered plea. Finally she found her voice, shaky as it was.

"I'm here Callie. I came back. I'm not leaving again." And she meant it. She would not leave without a fight.

Somewhere in Erica's head she was aware that they were causing quite the scene and on top of that the steady stream of bodies walking out of baggage was coming too damn close to ruining their moment. Callie hadn't rejected her, was holding on to her pretty strongly. So she relaxed her hold and looked in Callie's eyes wanting things to be perfectly clear.

"For the record, I'm crazy in love with you too, always have been."

Callie laughed. She seemed to relax some more and rested her head on Erica's shoulder.

"Why don't I pick up my rental? We can start the environmental thing next time."

Callie shook her head, her hands unconsciously wrapping themselves around Erica's jacket in a fierce hold. "Don't leave."

Erica stared at her in confusion, not really understanding the statement.

Callie's glistening eyes looked at her as she tried to explain.

"I can't be apart from you right now. You've seen the whole ahhhhh side, now comes the clingy part."

Erica smiled pulling Callie closer and engulfing her in another hug.

"Callie, you and I have to leave this airport now. But if you think I was going to allow you to be out of my sight for even a minute, you're crazier than I thought. We can pick up your car later."

Callie laughed. She actually laughed, which was warming up Erica in interesting ways.

"That doesn't make sense. Let's just go get my car."

"Are you sure? The rental company is right here and they usually drive me to my car."

Callie laughed again. "Yeah, I'm sure," she said.

She was still in Erica's embrace, her hands had loosened their hold on Erica's jacket and were now resting casually on her chest. She put her head on Erica's shoulder again, bringing her whole body close, hands idly playing with the buttons on Erica's jacket.

"I am so very sure."

"Okay," answered Erica.

"We are seriously going to have to work on eliminating that word from your vocabulary."

Erica was confused, but beyond caring about her vocabulary.

"Okay," she said again cringing as she realized she had used the word again and laughing at the thought that maybe Callie had a point.

***********

The walk back to the car had seemed way too long for Erica. It didn't help that she usually didn't park at the airport and had no idea where she was going. The enormity of what had just happened didn't help either.

_What was it with them? Did they always have to have their revelatory moments in public places where they couldn't just stop and process what had just happened?_

They always had to waste precious time trying to get somewhere private. Their first real kiss had happened in front of a very busy, very public hospital. They had to put everything that had happened on hold until they ended up somewhere else and by the time they got to the somewhere else the moment had passed and they were just awkward. So they shared a drink, silently agreed they weren't actually ready to talk about what happened and then proceeded to pretend like it hadn't happened at all.

And now it was happening again, except this was worse, because they had a longer walk to the car and then another 20 minutes in the car before they reached her hotel. She squeezed the hand still holding on to hers as they continued meandering around people until they were on an elevator. Callie was focused on the digital screen indicating floors. The elevator stopped to let passengers out periodically. Finally they were the only ones left. Alone in an elevator with Callie was not good. Erica stopped looking at the digital display. She didn't know what floor they were going to anyway. Instead she examined this irrational desire she had to kiss Callie again. But she didn't get very far in her thought process before she heard another ding and then Callie was pulling her hand.

They finally reached the car and Erica had decided that enough was enough. She had waited far too long and been denied way to many times to quell this one desire. Callie was looking in her purse, presumably for the keys to the car, pushing aside random items in her purse roughly. Erica set her bag down and reached for her. One hand curled around Callie's waist the other cupping the beautiful face that had turned to her immediately. No words were spoken between them. Erica looked at eyes the color of deep rich wood. She swore that Callie just knew what she wanted, what she had been wanting. She noted the way Callie seemed to move into her, eyes already closed as Erica leaned in. Their lips met and stilled momentarily before beginning exploring in earnest almost as if to reassure themselves that yes, this was happening, this was real and true and them. But the denial had been too much and their need rose to the surface too rapidly. Mouths were opening hungrily now and somehow, Callie's body was flat against her car with Erica hands, which had somehow migrated to her waist, now circling dangerously towards Callie's backside, an errant knee parting Callie's thighs.

And as suddenly as it started, it stopped.

Their lips separated almost simultaneously, but neither one was interested in letting go. Their bodies remained wrapped around each other, foreheads touching, breathing hard. Callie's hands were still entangled in Erica's blond hair, Erica's knee still between Callie's thighs.

After a few minutes spent just trying to breath, Erica removed her knee from its enticing position. She placed a kiss on Callie's forehead lingering for just a few seconds before whispering, "I love you so much."

Callie wrapped her arms around Erica's neck and pulled her into a hug. "I love you too. Please don't walk away from this."

Erica wrapped her arms impossibly tighter around Callie's body.

She sucked in a breath before responding.

"Never."

After a few minutes their arms loosened and they relaxed into each other. Erica's arms were still around Callie's body. Callie's hands resting casually on Erica's chest.

"We're kind of a mess, huh?" said Callie.

Erica laughed. "Yeah. We kind of are."

"Come on Dr. Hahn. Let's go somewhere where we can be a mess in private."

Finally Erica let Callie go. She reached down for her bag. Callie was once again looking for her keys. Erica heard jingling and turned to Callie.

"I'll drive."

Callie gave her a questioning look.

"I need something to distract me from you," Erica said simply taking the keys from Callie's hands, making sure to stroke every piece of flesh she came in contact with as she did so.

"And what I'm I supposed to do," said Callie as she took Erica's bag from her shoulder.

"I have no idea," said Erica opening the car door.

*********************

Erica hadn't been kidding. She really did need a distraction, because now that her feelings were out and about, they were bouncing around like two year-olds on sugar. She didn't seem to have any control over them and there were still things they needed to discuss. Erica did not do affairs. She couldn't do that. Not with Callie and so they needed to talk about Arizona. And for that discussion Erica needed to be in control of her feelings, she needed to be able to rein them in when necessary.

But her body also seemed to be needing something. A lot of something's and foremost was this insatiable need to be physically close to Callie. Callie seemed to need the same thing. She had not hesitated to grab Erica's hand in both of hers the moment they had settled into the car and place it in her lap. She was tracing the outline of Erica's fingers, stroking her palm in ways that made Erica's pulse jump erratically.

That was okay. Erica could do one handed driving. She could do a lot of things with one hand. She slammed her eyes shut at the thought and instinctively hit the break, a little too forcefully, causing both her and Callie to jerk forward. Thankfully they were still in the parking garage going ten miles an hour.

"Whoa. Erica?"

"Sorry."

Erica opened her eyes and continued to follow the exit signs. She gave Callie a smile and shrugged as she maneuvered Callie's car into the check-out line. Erica turned to her, lifting the hand currently attached to Callie's, turning it and placing a light kiss on the top of Callie's hand.

"Sorry about earlier. I think I need a much bigger distraction than driving. Like a heart transplant."

Callie smiled. It was that slow smile that Erica loved. The one that started out hesitant and confused and then transformed into a full out beaming grin. She could almost see the processing Callie was doing in that smile. It was the same smile she saw the night she told her that she hated Mark because he had seen Callie naked.

Erica paid the cashier and tried to concentrate on her driving all the while imaging all the steps involved in a heart transplant.


	14. Chapter 14

All Roads Lead Back to You (Chapter 14)

Author: rcruz

_**Disclaimer: **__If I owned them, things would look a lot different. The characters, settings, established histories, and general Grey's Anatomy universe referenced in this work are properties of their respective owners. This is a work of fiction for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended._

Author's Note: I decided to break up what was getting to be a long piece into two shorter pieces to make the editing process a bit easier, so there will be 16 chapters total. I think this breakdown is more natural anyway. I promise I am wrapping this up. As we wind down, please feel free to let me know what you thought of the effort. It can be hard to decide whether you really like a story when it's fed to you in pieces like this, but as we come to the end, I am interested in knowing what you liked, didn't liked, what worked, what didn't or any other feedback. Thanks!

Chapter 14 - Forever begins tonight

They got lucky, missing the rain by mere seconds. It started the moment they arrived at the hotel. Callie was waiting, a little impatiently, by the elevator for Erica to finish checking in. She was watching her talk to the clerk and thinking back to that kiss in the parking garage. It was nice knowing you weren't the only one with all these pent up feelings. Erica had obviously been holding back a lot more than Callie thought. She smirked at herself thinking about how hot it had been to feel her back plastered to her car with Erica's body just pushing into her. She felt her temperature rise. _Great, now I'm all hot and bothered again. _

She had to get a handle on that because they needed to talk. She wanted things to be clear with Erica. She wanted to start from the right place this time, not like last time. This was so not just about sex or physical attraction. She knew that now like she knew few things. That had been her problem from the beginning, when she had missed the forest for the trees. She had wanted it to be just attraction and sex, had tried so hard to push aside all the other things she was feeling, deathly afraid of becoming vulnerable again. That irrational fear had made her ask Mark for help in getting better at sex with girls. It had made her go back to Mark a second time after Erica's declaration that she was gay.

She had been such an idiot. It had never been just sex. It was Erica, it was her heart, it was being with Erica and talking with Erica and loving her. What was different between Mark and Erica was that she was in love with Erica. She had tried to deny that because she had been afraid to open her heart as fully as she had with George. In her desperation to deny the feelings she was having, she focused on the sex. Her thinking had simply started from the wrong place and that had led to bad conclusions. Not this time.

Love is an amazing thing. No matter how many times you try to deny, ignore or make it something else, it has a way of just emerging from the muck, clean and vibrant. The first time her and Erica made love, Callie had taken a clinical approach trying desperately to keep the feelings at bay. She had thought in clinical terms about the sex because she could not think about it any other way without opening her heart. These parts go here, those parts go there, this feels good and so does that and so on. Focusing on the sex had made their first time weird. But a funny thing had happened. Callie had been disappointed. She was disappointed in herself and had wanted, really wanted to please Erica. She had gone from 'the sex is clinical' to 'I want to make it right' in seconds never realizing the leap she had made or why. She never bothered asking herself why it was important that she be good at it, if she didn't like it. Love is amazing that way. Callie could recognize it now. Her need to please was all caught up in her feelings for Erica and wanting to make her happy.

She thought back on that time trying not to cringe. She held her breath as one particular memory surfaced: her and Erica in an x-ray viewing room, Erica's casual touch on her back, Callie's anxiety and discomfort. She had felt sick to her stomach watching Erica walk out of that x-ray room so many months ago knowing what Erica was thinking. She had seen the transformation in those lovely blue eyes, had seen the vibrancy just bleed right out of them, had felt the distance that had sprung up between them immediately and had felt her own heart sink. She had done that to her, to them and it had been the catalyst, rightly or wrongly, for what she had done next. Going to Mark, she knew now, had been a mistake, but at the time, she had felt desperate. She had felt the need to fix what was happening and had not thought about the consequences.

Things were so much clearer now. It had not been the Sloan maneuver that had made things right between her and Erica. It had been Callie's willingness to open up a piece of her heart. That desire to make things right with Erica, to make her happy was what had made the difference in their lovemaking the second time.

But Erica moved at the speed of light and the revelation that followed sent Callie into freak-out mode again. Just when Callie felt like she could handle the speed, Erica had shifted into another impossible gear, making Callie confront things she was not ready to face. Erica's declaration that she was her glasses, was simply too much. To Callie, the whole moment had been more than a revelation about Erica. Erica had basically put the thing Callie feared most front and center. It hadn't just been sex. It was something bigger, and better and more serious and Callie wasn't ready to open up her heart to it. Erica had just laid hers out completely open to Callie. Callie hadn't wanted it. Not yet. It was too soon. And so she shut down again, altered her thinking, forgot that it was because she cared about Erica that she had even made the effort and went back to thinking that all of this was just about attraction and sex and not about love.

She couldn't go back and change what had happened. She had gone to Mark, betrayed Erica again, because she needed to reassure herself that it was not love, that being with Erica felt like being with Mark. She had been wrong. Everything about the two experiences was different.

Now she knew what she had been missing. When you started from love, everything looked a whole lot different. Her own fears had prevented her from seeing what was between her and Erica from the start and they had both paid the price. But they were getting another chance, unbelievable as that was. She would not squander this one. She had no doubt that when she and Erica made love again, and that was definitely a 'when' and not an 'if', she would definitely see leaves.

*****************************

The room was unwelcoming. It was nice, but it was still just a hotel room and Erica wished that somehow this important moment would not have to happen in yet another impersonal space. Their first kiss had occurred in a hospital parking lot as had their break-up. The first time their love-making had made sense, to Callie at least, had been at the hospital, which when she thought about it might be apropos. Their journey back to each other occurred in public or impersonal spaces, a lot of it in this very impersonal, bland, room. It was starting to irritate her. She put her bags in the alcove that served as the makeshift closet and hung up her jacket. She would need to call the rental company and cancel the car.

Callie had made a dash to the bathroom as soon as they walked in, so she took the opportunity to make the call. Pulling out her cell phone from the jacket she had hung up she dialed the number. She was still on the phone when Callie emerged from the bathroom. Callie gave her a questioning look, but Erica smiled and continued to finish the transaction, confident that Callie would just make herself comfortable. By the time she finished and turned to find Callie, she had indeed made herself comfortable. She was laid out on the bed, one hand behind her head, an arm draped over her eyes, legs crossed at the ankles.

Erica instinctually made her way to the bed, but hesitated. They still needed to talk and talk before any other activities she might be pondering was necessary. She knew that.

"You can lie down. I promise not to attack you," she heard Callie say.

She laughed lightly and settled herself next to Callie on her side, her head propped up on her hand.

"Hi." she said. She had wanted to say something clever or at least something serious. The flirty 'Hi' was so obviously inviting.

Callie uncovered her eyes and smiled.

"Hi yourself."

She couldn't resist. She had been deprived for so long, that now that she could, she wanted to indulge and so she did, placing her hand on Callie's stomach and leaning in to kiss her.

She felt Callie's hand cover hers, their fingers intertwining as the kiss deepened. It was sweet and intense and she absolutely did not want to stop, so she didn't.

Every brush of their lips sent a bubble of need throughout Erica's body. There was no end to the number of things kissing Callie was making her feel, but that was nothing compared to the marvel that was just Callie. Erica was hyper aware of Callie's hand intertwined with hers, her legs as they moved against Erica, and most especially her lips, her deliciously full and inviting lips. Erica noted the texture and the warmth, the taste that seemed to enter her bloodstream and infuse her body.

_A few minutes more_, she kept thinking, as their breaths became labored. Their mouths opened, tongues meeting, touching, getting to know each other again. They took in air briefly before continuing. Erica's body was pressing into Callie along one side, their hands still clasped. Callie turned her body so that they were facing each other, never breaking the kiss. She released Erica's hand and let her own travel up Erica's shoulder and neck, finally tangling itself in blonde hair.

Erica's hand clutched at Callie's waist, pulling her closer until every part of her was in contact with every part of Callie. She was lost in a haze of sexual energy. There was only Callie in her field of vision. But flashes of light were starting to form on the periphery. She slowed the kissing, knowing she had to ease the intensity they were creating. Callie must have felt it too, the need to back down from the mountain they had climbed without oxygen or equipment. It was time to step back. The kisses slowed although the touches between them continued. Erica's fingers were tracing a pattern up and down Callie's side, coming so wonderfully close to Callie's breast and then retreating back down to her waist. Callie let her hand untangle itself from Erica's hair and rest on Erica's cheek rubbing the delicate spot she found there.

"You're amazing," said Callie when they managed to pull away.

Erica was looking at her, darkened eyes disappearing for a moment behind her eyelids. She rested her head on Callie's shoulder.

"God I want you."

Callie smiled. "Don't. You say things like that, we won't be able to stop and I have things I need to say to you."

Erica separated her body from Callie's and lay back on the bed letting out a frustrated breath.

"I know. Sorry," she said.

Callie smiled at her and laid a gentle hand on Erica's stomach. "Please don't be sorry. You're sexy as hell and I'm really struggling here to not just attack you right now."

Callie had begun absently rubbing her thumb back and forth over the cotton shirt stretched across Erica's stomach. Her gaze wandered to the seemingly innocent touch. Her eyes darkened and it was her turn to lean in and find Erica's lips. They became lost in another kiss, until Callie pulled away, breathing very hard.

"God, you're making this hard. You're fantastic at this you know, the kissing."

"You're humoring me," said Erica with a smile trying to control her own breathing.

"I wish I was," said Callie as she laid her head on Erica's shoulder. She seemed to need to take a moment to calm down before continuing. Erica heard her sigh as she curved an arm around Callie's back automatically.

They lay like that for a few minutes, just enjoying the closeness.

"So, what do we do now?" asked Erica seriously.

She knew what she wanted and she suspected Callie wanted the same thing. But she didn't want to assume anything. It had gotten her into trouble in the past, when she had assumed that Callie was feeling the things she was feeling at the same pace as she was.

"We figure out how to have a long distance relationship for the next five months."

Callie reluctantly raised her head and body, propping her head with her hand and laying on her side. She took Erica's hand.

"I tell you I love as many times as you can stand to hear it. I tell you how sorry I am for hurting you over and over. I promise that I won't do that again. I promise to talk to you about everything, even when it's about you and I'm freaking out."

Callie's fingers had begun a lazy stroking of the hand in hers, tracing the white skin carefully. Erica felt Callie's very knowledgeable hands feeling the bones just underneath her skin.

"You have the most perfect hands. Do you know that?" said Callie in a slightly husky voice.

Erica felt her trace the tendons, felt strong fingers caressing the joints. Callie continued, seemingly mesmerized by what she was doing.

"Your hands are always warm and soft and just perfect."

Erica continued to watch her, fascinated by Callie's fascination.

"They're just hands," she said.

"Oh no. These are not just hands. They're you." Callie looked at her and smiled still caressing Erica's hand. "They're your gift, these hands. These hands, these life-giving hands, touch souls, hold broken hearts and fix them, just like they did mine."

Callie glanced at Erica. Erica seemed fascinated by the caress, her eyes wet.

Erica's other hand rose trembling, the back of it caressing Callie's check. Callie leaned into the touch.

"You're pretty amazing Calliope Torres," said Erica in a soft voice.

Callie took a deep breath, her eyes alternating between Erica's hand and her face, she continued.

"Erica, I promise you, I will never betray us again."

Tears were starting to form, but Callie continued letting the tears fall.

"I promise to love you with everything that's in my heart."

Erica was staring at her intently. She had stopped breathing and knew that at some point she either needed to start or she would pass out. She smiled and let out a breath.

"Why is it that every time I look at you, hear your voice, feel your skin anywhere near mine, I want to kiss you?"

Callie laughed. "I don't know, but I like it."

Erica's face became serious and her gaze focused on Callie's hand playing with hers.

"What about Arizona?" she asked her voice sounding strained. She frowned. She had wanted it to sound more normal.

Callie's eyes widened and immediately fixed themselves on Erica's.

"We broke up," she said seriously.

Erica looked at her confused. "What? When? Why?"

"You forgot the where and how," Callie said with a smile. "We broke up the morning after I dropped you off at the airport the last time you were here." She gave Erica a look, "Do you really have to ask why?"

Erica was speechless. Callie gave her a pat on the belly before laying on her back, bringing Erica's hand with her and forcing her to turn on her side.

"I'm sorry. That was probably tough. Why didn't you tell me?" said Erica.

"It was and it wasn't. I didn't want to hurt her, but…" she paused. "It was never going to work. I didn't tell you because...she had nothing to do with us. Not really. She was someone who came into my life while I was trying to forget about you. I just don't think about her when we're together, so...sorry. I didn't want to tell you over the phone. I was afraid it might freak you out. Sometimes I think things are clearer when we're together, so I thought I'd wait to tell you in person."

She paused.

"I knew after the second night I spent with you, after the pier, that I couldn't be with her. I was just scared of hurting her and then the timing got messed up and before I knew it you were coming back and so I just waited until after you had left. I wish I hadn't. Waited, I mean. Then maybe I would have gotten that kiss in the airport that I wanted."

Callie laughed nervously. "Before that I wasn't sure if you still had feelings for me. I knew what I was feeling. I knew I was ready. After I left you at the airport, I just knew...there was no way....I was going to say goodbye to you at an airport again and not kiss you."

She shrugged. Erica closed her eyes.

"Do you have any idea how crazy I've been these last two weeks?" said Erica. Her tone was serious, but she was smiling.

"No," said Callie sheepishly. "You seemed fine to me."

Erica kissed her again lightly. "I wasn't. I really, really wasn't. I was going crazy. I had finally admitted to myself that I was still in love with you and I was trying to figure out what I should do about it. I didn't want to mess up your life."

She let go of Callie's right hand and lay back down on the bed reaching for the hand lying next to hers and intertwining their fingers.

"I like what you decided," said Callie turning her head to look at her. "That kiss was amazing."

"I didn't decide that. I just did it. You surprised me at the airport. I wasn't expecting you. I thought I had more time to think, but then you were there and..." Erica laughed lightly. "Callie you have no idea the hell I have been living in the last two weeks."

Callie frowned. "I'm sorry. I just...I needed to tell you in person. I wasn't sure how you would react and I didn't...I couldn't risk you not coming back."

Erica turned her own head and gave her a serious look.

"Had you told me earlier, I might have come back sooner."

Erica smiled before turning away, bringing their clasped hands into her line of vision and examining them.

"I had decided that I couldn't see you anymore. It...you...the whole situation was driving me crazy. I couldn't stop thinking about you, but you were with someone. Most times I genuinely put that out of my head, quite successfully too. It was hard for me to think about you two together. But the more time we spent together, the more I wanted to....well...kiss you for one.. But you had a girlfriend and we were supposed to be friends. The feelings I was having were decidedly not just friendly. Sometimes it was easy to just see you as a friend. We were friends even before all of this. Other times...I don't know. I felt something change when I was here last. I mean, I almost kissed you! And then the phone conversations we were having, were getting...um…very interesting."

"Oh yeah, "said Callie propping herself back up on her side, letting go of Erica's right hand, but immediately reaching for the left hand that had settled naturally on Erica's stomach. "I certainly felt free to have the type of conversations I wanted to have with you." She paused, "I wanted you to kiss me. At the airport. You know that right? I'm glad you finally did. I'm glad you didn't walk away."

Erica let out a breath. "I was struggling with it. I knew I couldn't come back here and tell you goodbye. I thought it was the right thing to do and I had decided to do it, but I didn't know how, didn't know if I really could."

Callie closed her eyes. "I'm just glad you didn't." She waited a beat before asking her next question, wanting to get the focus back on the amazing thing they were experiencing and not the torturous, uncertain journey they had taken to get there.

"So why'd you kiss me?"

Erica propped herself on her hand and pushed Callie gently, urging her to lie back.

"Because I love you and because all I've been doing since I left you at the airport two weeks ago is imagining how it would feel to hold your naked body against mine again and then feeling incredibly and absolutely guilty about it.

Callie's eyes darkened. Her hand reached up in a tender caress and then moved to Erica's hair and behind her head, gently pulling Erica towards her. Erica knew where they were headed. If she kissed Callie again, there would be no turning back and no more talk until they had satiated this thirst they had for each other. If that was even possible, which she was seriously questioning right now.

She resisted Callie's pull. Her hand reached up behind her head to cover Callie's.

"The next time we kiss, I won't stop," she said watching Callie's eyes widen, her breathing accelerate.

"I don't want you to."

Erica almost gave in. She started to lean forward, wanting to kiss Callie and never stop. She let out a breath.

"Callie," she said. "I want you more than you could possibly know, but…" she smiled. "I also need to say some things to you before we go where we most undoubtedly are going."

"Then please say whatever you need to say," said Callie sounding out of breath. Her hand slipped from Erica's hair to her face and down her neck, resting on Erica's chest.

Erica closed her eyes, opening them again after a few seconds. "I want to be with you Callie. Not just tonight." She looked at Callie wanting to convey the full meaning of what she was saying.

"I want you tomorrow and the next day and six months from that and everything you want to give me. I want to be with you fully and completely. I want to be able to kiss and touch you and love you. I want a life with you."

Erica paused looking for Callie's reaction, hoping she had not been wrong in this declaration, hoping this time Callie would not run from them.

"Yes," said Callie in a throaty whisper. "I want that too. I want you, Erica, totally, completely, in every way."

Erica's breathing had accelerated and now matched Callie's.

"I want a life with you too, Erica. I need you in my life. I love you."

The kiss that followed was hungry and passionate and throbbed with an intense longing, a need that seemed to have started the moment they met and had been growing in intensity despite the heartache and missteps, until this moment in time, when everything was aligned, everything was right and two souls found their way home.


	15. Chapter 15

All Roads Lead Back to You (Chapter 15)

Author: rcruz

_**Disclaimer: **__If I owned them, things would look a lot different. The characters, settings, established histories, and general Grey's Anatomy universe referenced in this work are properties of their respective owners. This is a work of fiction for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended._

Author's Note: Callie is in a good mood. There is one more chapter and possibly a short epilogue coming. Feedback is welcome. All mistakes are mine.

Chapter 15 – The Morning After

They had spent the night in bed. They ordered in, argued about who had to get up to answer the door when their food arrived, tossed the empty containers to the side when they were done and continued satiating other appetites left to linger too long.

The next morning found them still in bed, reluctant to step outside the little paradise they had created the previous night; wanting to shelter from the world that interrupted their little Eden with sickness and disease, broken bones and broken hearts, with jobs and ex-girlfriends and friends and more distractions than they wanted.

"I have to get up," said Callie.

She had tried to wait out Erica, thinking that of the two of them, Erica was the more responsible one, but Erica seemed content to hold her for as long as Callie wanted holding.

"It must be nice to be the Chief," she said playfully as she very painfully got up.

Erica watched her for a while, her head propped on one hand. Callie walked to the pile of clothes they had made last night, picking out her clothes and shrugging into them. She looked at Erica, trying to read her expression. Erica seemed far away and then her eyes closed sadly and she lay back down.

"Hey, you okay?" said Callie pulling on her pants.

No response.

"Erica?" she said as she set down her shirt and climbed back on the bed. She propped herself on her side and rubbed Erica's stomach through the thin sheet covering her.

"Honey? You okay? You're starting to scare me a little."

Erica covered Callie's hand and intertwined their fingers. She cleared her throat and took a deep breath before opening her eyes.

"I'm okay. Just thinking about the last time you got out my bed in the morning to put your clothes on. I know that's not now, just flashbacks I guess. I'm fine. I'm just being a little stupid. You're here."

She looked at Callie with shining eyes and smiled. "You're still here," she repeated.

"I'm sorry, Erica. I know I can't take that back. But I will be here as long as you want me. I'm here and I'm not going to run off again. Well except that I have to get to work."

She smiled trying to lighten the suddenly gloomy mood, so very different from last night. Erica tried smiling back, but it did not quite reach her eyes. Deciding Erica needed a reminder of the amazing night they had just shared, Callie leaned in and kissed her, pouring everything she had into the kiss. It was slow and deep and lingering. She pulled away just as slowly whispering, "I'm here and I'm not going away," in a soft voice.

This time Erica's smile did reach her eyes. She chuckled before pulling Callie down on top of her and squeezing with all her strength.

"That was amazing," she said when she finally let go.

Callie pulled back smiling at her. "Yes, we are amazing. Now, are you getting up or was this just a ploy to get me in bed again?"

Erica laughed.

"No, no ploy. You're right, we should get going," she said. "Shower with me?"

"I wish I could, but I don't have any clothes here and I'm not sure that would help us get to work on time."

Erica kissed her. "You're right. I should shower." She got up and made her way to the bathroom. "I'll be right out. Remember you made me cancel my rental, so no leaving without me."

Callie smiled. "Not a chance," she said to herself.

*****************

Forty minutes later they were at Callie's apartment. Callie had left Erica to make coffee while she jumped in the shower. It was a quick shower as Callie had realized that with one car, Erica would need to drop her off and then make her way to Mercy. Thank God Erica was the Chief, because Erica was most definitely going to be a little late. She thought about all the events of the previous night, the things they had said to each other, the rock-my-world-oh-my-god-sex, and how Erica held her throughout the night. They were there. They were there in that place and it was them again and Callie was all of a sudden seeing so clearly what she wanted, what she had been wanting. Why she had to go through a thousand cycles in the wash before she saw things clearly, she did not know, but there you have it.

She thought about Erica. Actually Erica had been a bit too quiet this morning. She had perked up after the shower, but Callie could see something settling on her shoulders, some new weight. _Maybe it was work_, thought Callie. Whatever it was, Callie would get it out of her. She just didn't have a lot of time now. Neither of them did.

Finished with her shower, she stepped back in her bedroom to find Erica sitting on her bed, seemingly deep in thought again. She had that same unreadable look on her face as she did earlier. Callie picked some clothes from her dresser and began dressing quickly, keeping her eyes on the woman sitting on her bed, staring out her window. Finally Erica looked at her.

"That was fast," she said.

"I don't want to make you late," said Callie.

"You won't. I'm the Chief, remember?"

"It's good to be the king," said Callie smiling as she slipped a long sleeve t-shirt over her head.

"Yeah. By the way, you're out of coffee," said Erica as she got up from the bed. She walked up to Callie, placing her hands on her waist, head down. She was looking at her shoes almost as if she didn't want to meet Callie's eyes.

"Listen," she began still not looking at Callie.

Callie's heart started a wild beating. _What was happening?_

"Erica?" she asked her voice a little shaky.

Erica raised her head at the sound of Callie's voice. She looked scared and that made Callie terrified.

"Whatever it is, just say it," said Callie trying in vain to control the trembling that seemed to spill out of her along with the words.

Erica hugged her hard, crushing Callie's whole body to her.

"I love you, " she whispered. "Don't doubt that."

She let go and looked into Callie's eyes.

"I'm just having a hard time....I want to ask you something, but I don't know if I should."

Callie took Erica's hands in hers and squeezed.

"We're in this together and we are so in this Erica. Together. Just ask, don't be afraid."

Erica squeezed Callie's hands and then pulled her slowly walking towards Callie's closet and opening the door.

"I want to ask you..." She saw a discarded gym bag and picked it up with one hand. She led Callie back towards the bed, laying the gym bag on it.

"…If you would like...to pack a bag and spend the next four days with me? You know pack some clothes, not have to come back here every morning. But I understand if it's too soon."

Callie smiled at her. She let go of Erica's hands and went to her dresser. She picked out clothes hastily and then walked back to Erica, who was still standing next to the bed, not breathing, and handed her the clothes.

"Those need to go in there," she said pointing to the gym bag.

"Just like that?" asked Erica.

"Just like that," answered Callie with a smile.

"Honestly Erica, if you hadn't asked, I would have just invited myself over. Did you not get the memo about the clingy part?" She cupped Erica's face and kissed her.

"Do you know how much time we'll have in the mornings if I don't have to come back here every day?

Erica smiled again. "Thank you."

"Erica, I am going to make it my life's mission to make you not scared of loving me. I love you. I want to build a life with you. I'm not going to freak out. I'm not going to push you away. Not again."

"Sorry," said Erica. "I keep thinking I'm in a dream."

Callie kissed her. "It's not a dream. I'm here. I'm real. You're here. You're real. _We_ are real."

Erica let out a breath. "I love you" she said as she reached for Callie like she had so many times last night. Their lips met and as always, Callie lost sight of everything, of the room, of the time, of everything except Erica and her and...

"Torres!"

Callie's bedroom door, which they had left ajar, swung open and suddenly Yang was in the doorway.

Erica and Callie turned to face her, bodies still close together.

"Torres, don't go walking around in your undies. Hunt is here and…Dr. Hahn?"

"Do you want something, Yang?" said Erica having no problem going into Dr. Hahn mode despite having been caught kissing her girlfriend.

"Uh nothing. Nothing at all. Are you here for another surgery? Will you be back at Seattle Grace? Can I scrub in?"

There was a slightly crazed look of utter glee on Christina's face. Callie's hands were still hanging on to Erica's shirt at the waist.

"Seriously Christina?"

"What?" said Christina sparing a momentary glance at Callie before focusing on Erica again and taking a few steps into the room. But Erica was openly glaring at her, so she stopped unsure. Her senses must have kicked in as she looked around, awareness suddenly dawning on her face.

"I'll leave you two to...um....whatever. Dr. Hahn, it's nice to have you here. If you need anything, you know water or um you know a hand...with surgery, yeah surgery, you know where to...yeah...Bye!"

She slammed the door hard.

Callie laughed, resting her head on Erica's shoulder. Erica was chuckling also. She put her arms around Callie hugging her close.

"Finish getting your stuff together. I'll go out there and scare Christina some more."

She kissed Callie's forehead and reluctantly let her go, giving her one last smile before walking out.

*********************************

There was nothing and Callie was serious, absolutely nothing that could ruin this day for her. Nothing that would make that little spring in her step go away, or change the little swagger in her walk that she knew, just knew was on full display for everyone to see.

Nope. She had foregone coffee this morning because... well her and Erica had been running late, too late to stop at the coffee shop and then there had been no coffee at her apartment. But really she had decided that she just didn't need it. She was a little scared of spontaneously combusting if she added any more stimulants to her system.

As it was she found herself clenching her fist into a tight, painful ball to prevent the scream she felt churning inside her from actually making its way out and into the halls and rooms of Seattle Grace.

She was standing at the nurse's station dutifully filling out a patient's chart, trying not to hum or dance or just burst into laughter at the giddiness she felt everywhere, trying very hard to concentrate on bones and patients and BP levels.

The smell of a man's cologne permeated her senses seconds before a large body landed next to her on the counter.

"You're glowing, Torres."

She looked up and smiled, holding nothing back from him.

"Yeah. Imagine that. Hey Mark."

He stared at her.

"Have a good night?" he asked trying for nonchalance but failing miserably as he could not prevent the smirk that formed on his pretty boy face.

She tried to hide the inevitable blush by staring at her chart again, but Callie was not shy by nature.

"Oh yeah. I had a fucking awesome night." She got her blush somewhat under control and looked back up at him.

"You?"

"I'm not glowing."

"Bummer for you," she answered walking over to place her chart on top of the other charts waiting to be filed.

Bailey was behind the counter staring at the computer when she noticed the two of them.

"Dr. Torres. Dr. Sloan," she acknowledged them, her gaze lingering on Callie.

"You're glowing," she stated matter-of-factly.

"So I've been told," said Callie still beaming. Bailey narrowed her eyes.

"So spill!" said Mark his eyes had taken on an eerie alertness. Callie made a face at him.

"I can't even begin to put into words how spectacular my night was."

"Good. And please don't try. I don't need to be having nasty images in my head," said Bailey with a bit of a frown.

"Yeah right, if I could put it into words, you would switch sides," answered Callie.

Mark was practically jumping out of his skin. "You have got to talk."

He sounded like a prepubescent boy wanting his first look at Playboy magazine. She smirked and turned around.

He tried again to get a rise out of her. "Hey, are you walking funny?" he managed to get out just as Callie started walking away.

She stopped considering possible comebacks. She settled on the truth.

"Damn right!" she said as she continued walking, purposely slowing her pace.

"Fuck me!" she heard him say.

"Not even in your dreams, pretty boy," she responded with one last look back. "Not even in your dreams."

She heard a noise that sounded like a cross between a snort and giggle which almost made her spin on the spot. She was pretty sure she had never heard a sound like that come from Bailey's body. Instead, she flipped her hair back and kept right on walking, her mind already on the night ahead.

Yeah, her life so fucking rocked!

***************************

_At the airport…again_

They were walking hand in hand to the security line a little slowly. This was different and they both felt it. There had been no car rental drop-off, no rush to the airport. They had simply spent some time sipping coffee at the coffee shop in the hotel after checking out, holding hands and not saying much; knowing this goodbye would be harder because now everything had been said, everything was out in the open and while there was a certain elation that came with that knowledge, there was also more to be sad about.

This time they knew that two weeks apart, meant many nights alone, without that presence next to you that had become so familiar and so necessary in such a short time. It came with the knowledge that goodnights over the phone would never be enough, would never replace the need to feel the other person close. It came knowing that the life they wanted to build - were in a hurry to start in fact - was on hold for the next five months, until they were both in the same city.

They were running late, but they maintained their slow pace until they arrived at the very busy security line. In silent agreement they walked to the spot where they had sat sipping coffee the last two times they had been here. They stopped, knowing they had little time to linger. Erica turned towards her, capturing both of Callie's hands in hers and bringing her closer.

"I love you," she said connecting with Callie's eyes. "And I will miss you."

"Me too," said Callie. "More than you know."

They kissed heedless of the crowded line behind them or of the looks they were getting from strangers. The kiss was gentle and comforting. It was a promise, it was the future, and it was them. Erica lingered, her lips tasting Callie's, taking in everything about her from the way she felt pressed up against Erica to the smell of leather from her jacket. She tasted her lips memorizing the texture and the way they moved over hers. She listened for the small moan Callie made when their mouths opened and tongues joined the fun. She slowed the kissing and pulled back, opening her eyes and letting them record the woman before her, lips swollen, hair cascading down her back, glittering eyes and that infectious smile painted on perfect cheeks. Finally, her inventory was complete. It would never be enough. She would never be able to store enough smells, sounds, tastes, images, and touches, but she would try to make the ones she had last for two weeks, until she saw her again.

They were still clasping hands. Erica released one hand to cup Callie's cheek, kissed her lightly one more time and whispered in her ear.

"I'll be back as soon as I can. I love you."

She pulled away, but was pulled back one more time, by Callie's hand on the back of her jacket.

"Hurry back, because I love you too and I need you with me."

Erica smiled, squeezing the hands grasping her jacket until Callie let go. With one final smile she made her way to the security line.

"And don't forget to call when you land," shouted Callie. Erica acknowledged her with a wave before presenting her boarding pass and ID to security.

Callie's eyes lingered as she saw Erica following the ropes around to the security screening.

_Be a big girl_, she thought. _She'll be back soon._

And then she walked away, starting the countdown until she would hear Erica's voice again.


	16. Chapter 16

All Roads Lead Back to You (Chapter 16)

Author: rcruz

_**Disclaimer: **__If I owned them, things would look a lot different. The characters, settings, established histories, and general Grey's Anatomy universe referenced in this work are properties of their respective owners. This is a work of fiction for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended._

Author's Note: Last full chapter, but a short epilogue will follow….

Chapter 16 – What happens now…

Erica was very, very nervous. She shouldn't be. It was perfectly legitimate to be calling a real estate agent and engaging her services. She was after all moving to Seattle in a few months, so she would need housing. But it was complicated as most things that involved Callie were and this involved Callie, because Erica wanted this to be their house. They had wasted enough time not talking to each other. They would waste more time trying to live in separate places once she moved, but it was complicated. Callie was finishing up her residency which meant she had to look for a job soon. Erica would be staying in Seattle. She knew that. She had staked her claim, her piece of the world right here in Seattle and Mercy West. But Callie was just beginning her career. She may not want to stay and so Erica's thoughts of living happily ever after might be premature.

She didn't know what Callie wanted to do. She knew Callie liked Seattle Grace, but would she be content with being an attending there or even at Mercy West? Erica was not above hiring her. Callie was an amazing surgeon; Erica would be an idiot to pass on the opportunity to have Callie on her staff. Callie had said she was interested in staying in Seattle once. She hoped she still felt that way, but whatever happened they would deal with it together. Yes, she had staked her claim in Seattle, but if she needed to, she knew that ultimately she would follow Callie anywhere. She just hoped she wouldn't need to.

She was flipping the card with the real estate agent's phone number in her hand over and over, working up the courage to make the call. She had initially thought it would be a good surprise. She wanted to find a house as a sign, as a gesture to let Callie know that she was coming back to stay. The thought that they would have a place to be together had elated her and so she wasted no time making inquiries of her Mercy West colleagues. She had a name and a number, but doubts had started settling in as soon as the card was in her hands.

In the end, she just held her breath and made the call, because as her rational brain reminded her, she really needed a place to live.

*************************************

Mark Sloan was standing by the elevator, patiently waiting for the doors to open. With any luck, Little Grey would be on it. He smirked imagining the petite intern, her long rambling speech, her perfect hair, her mouth. Okay he really needed to stop, but the damn elevator was taking a long time. He wondered briefly if someone had stopped it. He looked around for the nearest stairwell, just in case, when a blue clad body rushed past him almost knocking him over.

"Outta my way. I'm late."

"Hey," he yelled after the fast moving body making its way to the stairs. He saw blue and a flash of black hair before the body disappeared into the stairwell.

_Torres. It had to be. What the hell? That's right, Hahn was coming in today._ He smirked as a whole new set of images began playing in his head.

**************************

Arizona was tired. For the last few weeks she had been going over her entire relationship with Callie over and over and over. What had happened? They had been so good together. It was a ridiculous exercise really. She knew what had happened. Erica Hahn had happened. Arizona had never really seen her as a threat. Maybe that had been her mistake, never seeing the threat for what it was. But Hahn had hurt Callie and Callie didn't forgive that sort of thing easily. Arizona knew that Callie trusted easily, but once that trust was broken, once she felt betrayed, it was hard for her to forgive.

It was why her relationship with George would forever be strained, no matter how hard George and Callie tried to maintain some semblance of friendship. Arizona had always found that sad, because from the little she had seen, George and Callie should have been great friends. She had once told Callie that she should have stuck to friendship with George. "Live and learn," was all Callie had to say on the subject. But Erica, it seemed, was something entirely different. Arizona had miscalculated. She had thought that all Callie had wanted was an explanation from Erica. Boy, had she gotten that wrong.

She reached for her locker door, knowing she couldn't just sit in front of it all day. She had been coming in earlier and earlier since the break-up which had resulted in her getting off at a decent hour on most days. She and Callie had barely spoken.

They didn't have much reason to run into each other, but the few times they had, pained smiles was all they could muster. But even though they no longer inhabited each other's space, Arizona could tell she was happy. She sincerely hoped it lasted. Callie deserved it.

She finished changing and made her way to the stairs. She hated the elevators in this place, had always preferred the stairs. Two steps before reaching the bottom floor she jumped landing with easy grace and laughing at herself. It was a habit she had had since she was a kid, when she believed that jumping over the last step would ward off bad luck. That had never really worked, had it?

She shrugged and opened the door to the main floor of the hospital, walking out in time to see Erica Hahn taking a seat in one of the chairs in the main waiting area. She stopped, trying to figure out if she wanted to say something. Her anger had faded over the last few weeks and frankly the woman was a little intimidating, so she was considering her options carefully. Before she could make up her mind, she saw Hahn stand and smile. Her face was transformed when she smiled, thought Arizona. She did not have to wonder who she was here for or where that smile was directed. She glanced in the direction Hahn was staring and saw Callie, one hand held her bag, the other her jacket. She was still wearing her scrubs, which probably meant she was running late. She made her way hurriedly toward Hahn apparently having exited from the other stairway.

"Jesus Christ," said Arizona to no one in particular.

Their smiles could quite literally light up the entire hospital. Callie had stopped right in front of Hahn. They seemed to be saying nothing, just staring at each other with those beaming smiles. Finally, Callie started to speak and by the way her eyes were scanning the room, Arizona guessed she was nervous.

She saw Hahn reach for Callie's bag and place it carefully in the seat she had just vacated. She took Callie's jacket from where it hung on her hand and placed it next to the bag. Callie was still talking, but she was watching Hahn closely.

Then Hahn stepped forward, and cupped Callie's face with both her hands and smiled. She said something before leaning in for a kiss. Callie's hands went to Hahn's waist, pulling her closer.

It wasn't a hungry, passionate kiss filled with raw sexual desire. It wasn't a sweet first kiss, tentative and unsure. It definitely wasn't a chaste kiss. But in a way it was all of those things. It was sexy and passionate, and sweet and knowing. It was the type of kiss that seemed to fill all the empty places inside you; the type of kiss people shared when they had found their soul mate, that person they were just meant to be with.

Arizona couldn't help but stare and she would bet her Heely's that most of the people in the waiting area were staring as well. She finally blinked and looked away. She noticed the knowing smiles of the people around her who had also been transfixed by that kiss. She looked back at the two women as they began gathering Callie's things, seemingly unaware of the people around them. Hahn had Callie's bag and Callie had picked up her jacket. Their hands came together automatically, their bodies moving closer, so that their shoulders touched as they walked. Together they walked out without ever looking back.

Arizona was slightly embarrassed that she had been so taken with the display, but in a way she was glad she had seen it. Whatever happened with those two, however impossible it seemed to Arizona, it was clear that there was too much there for them not to try and make it work. She could understand that now. Everything had its patterns, everything followed certain motions. She had known that from the start. She hadn't predicted this exact ending for her and Callie, but it had followed the pattern. Never get involved with a newbie. Ultimately what they want is to recreate their first love. She had known that and gotten involved with Callie anyway. It made sense and while it was sad and she had been hurt, it was oddly comforting to her to know that it had happened just as it should have. The patterns made sense.

****************************

Callie was moving fast, way too fast, but she was also late, way, way late. She tried not to think about the various bones she could break if she slipped just a little on the concrete steps of Seattle Grace's hospital. She just kept moving as fast as she could. She was late which meant Erica would be waiting and Callie really hated that. She hated making Erica wait because frankly, they didn't have a lot of time together, so waiting around was just a waste of precious time.

She reached the main floor and pulled the door open, quickly scanning the floor that contained a large waiting room. She was looking for blonde hair and when a perfectly sculpted blonde head starting standing, she could not help the smile that came to her face. She rushed over to Erica wanting nothing but to wrap herself in that body and kiss the lips she had been missing for two weeks. She stepped around a pair of outstretched legs, attached to a sleeping body. As she sidestepped the legs, she realized they belonged to one of the new interns and that thought slowed her progress.

Erica liked keeping her professional and personal life separate. It was probably a bad idea to just attack her right here in the hospital waiting room. By the time she reached Erica she had convinced herself that a friendly smile would be more professional than the kiss she had been planning.

She stopped, taking in Erica's own smile and just getting lost in that for awhile.

"Hey," she was able to get out after a few moments.

"I'm sorry I'm late." She looked around noting the number of people on this floor before her eyes returned to Erica. She thought she saw a longing in Erica's eyes that matched her own, that incessant need they seemed to have to be physical close at all times.

"I want to kiss you right now, but I know you have a thing about the personal and professional..." she started to say as she watched Erica carefully reach for her gym bag and set it down on the chair. Callie continued watching her closely as she talked wondering at this somewhat strange behavior. "I just wanted you to know that." Erica relieved her of the jacket she had been clutching, still smiling as she set it carefully next to the bag.

"So we better get going because I want to...." she continued and then Erica was in her space cupping Callie's cheeks. She had wanted to say more, had known what it was she wanted to say just seconds ago. But the thought had completed vanished and so she focused on Erica, her eyes, her smile, the hands caressing her face.

"I don't work here anymore," Erica said smiling. "And I missed you," she finished before bringing Callie's face close enough to kiss her, long and deep.

Callie wanted to say it back. She never wanted to hear those words from Erica and not say them right back. But Erica was kissing her and making her feel all tingly and gooey inside and she never wanted it to end, so she just moaned and hoped Erica understood.

Callie had never imagined that love like this existed. She was a passionate person but not at all prone to bouts of romantic silliness. But it had never been like this with anyone. She had fallen hard for people before, George being the prime example. But it had never felt like this all-consuming, bottomless pit of pure bliss. Maybe it was because for the first time, someone felt as intensely about her as she did about them. Maybe it was because it was with a woman, except that it had not been like this with Arizona. Or maybe this is what it felt like to meet up with the other half of your soul.

They stopped kissing and tried to get their breathing under control.

"Come on," said Erica. "I have a surprise." She picked up Callie's gym bag, placing the strap over her shoulder.

Callie's eyes twinkled. "I love surprises," she said smiling as she picked up her jacket from the chair.

Callie turned towards the door, her hand finding Erica's easily. They moved closer as they often did and made their way to the doors.

"So what's the surprise?" she asked as they stepped out.

"You'll see," came the easy answer.

*****************

_She loves surprises._

_Okay, I hope that's a good sign_, thought Erica as they made their way to Callie's car. She had come in on an earlier flight, taken a cab to the hotel to drop off her things and then another cab ride to the hospital.

"Hey, where's your stuff?" asked Callie as they reached the car.

"I'll drive," said Erica ignoring the question.

"Is this a new side of you? It's very butch and very sexy," said Callie as she handed her the keys.

Erica frowned. "What?"

Callie laughed. "Ever since you stopped renting a car, you always seem to want to drive my car."

"I do?" questioned Erica.

"Yeah, but I like it. It's sexy."

Callie looked up at her, her eyes smiling. She reached for her, placing a full open mouth kiss on Erica's lips, licking them enticingly before pulling back and making a noise that was halfway between a sigh and a moan.

"Come on," she said as she made her way to the passenger side. "We gotta get to the hotel before I take you right here."

Erica smiled as she settled herself in the car. She adjusted the seat and mirrors before looking at her girlfriend again, her hand caressing the soft skin on her face.

"I love you."

Callie's eyes always seemed to light up whenever Erica said the words and it was a sure fire way to entice a kiss out of Callie and hear her words repeated back to her. This time was no exception.

Kissing after a two week absence however, was always a little dangerous in public with the two of them. They weren't exactly in public this time, but they weren't in private either. Erica's hand moved from caressing Callie's face to her hips and began pulling Callie closer, wanting to feel Callie's body pressed against hers. The other parts of her body where doing their best to achieve the same result. She was practically out of her seat hovering in the small cramped space over the gear shift apparently trying to figure out how to get over it. Callie was no help. Her soft murmurs and velvety tongue, not to mention the hands that were practically pulling Erica on top of her, were making it impossible for Erica to think.

The need to breath however did not take a holiday when they were kissing, as their brains often did, and they were forced to pull apart by the need to suck in huge gulps of air.

Erica concentrated on breathing as she settled back into the driver's seat rethinking her plan. She had planned on driving Callie to one of the properties on the real estate agent's list of possible houses. But now, she wanted to forget the surprise and just spend the rest of the night in bed.

"Erica. You need to start driving."

"Okay," she offered still taking in huge gulps of air and trying to figure out how to start the car. Keys right, she needed keys.

"Seriously," said Callie. Her head was on the headrest and her eyes were closed.

"Please start driving or Seattle Grace will be getting an up close and personal view of lesbian car sex.

Erica tried to laugh, but it came out strained. She had the key in the car and had managed to turn it, but for the life of her she could not recall where she was supposed to go or even how she was supposed to back out of this spot. She need more air. Her entire body ached with need for the woman sitting next to her. So she sat, eyes closed, her head on the headrest. Finally they opened their eyes and looked at each other.

Both women started laughing.

"Okay, I can do this," said Erica as she put the car in reverse and began backing out of the spot.

*******************

Ten minutes later, it was clear to Callie that they were not going to the hotel.

"Um...honey. This isn't the way to the hotel."

"I know. I have a surprise, remember?"

"Really? Now? It couldn't wait until, you know, after?"

"Well, it's an appointment of sorts, so we'll have to finish what we started after the surprise and not the other way around."

"I need a cold shower then," muttered Callie. "So what kind of surprise is it?"

Erica was turning off the main road now. "That's a good question. Hopefully, it's a good surprise."

"Hopefully?" said Callie.

"Yeah. I think it is, but I don't want you to freak out," she turned to Callie and tried for a reassuring smile.

"It's okay if you do. Freak out, I mean. Just talk to me. I can handle it. I can't handle it when you're freaking out, but not talking to me, okay."

Callie took her hand looking a little concerned.

"Is there a ..." she cleared her throat, "a reason I would freak out?"

"No," said Erica, "but freaking out is not usually reasonable. But it's okay though - to freak out. I don't want to make you nervous. I just want to....be prepared."

Callie was starting to freak out. Erica could see it. She could recognize that wide-eyed completely scared, wild look anywhere. Callie was stroking Erica's hand though, which Erica took as a good sign. Knowing that further talk would only drive the freak-out meter higher, she said nothing further until she was pulling into the driveway of a modest sized home with a view of Lake Washington. It was an interesting house that had started as a bungalow, but had undergone so many changes and renovations that it seemed to have s style of its own. According to the real estate agent, after their third attempt at remodeling the owners had decided that remodeling so many times was probably an indication that this was not the perfect house for them and that they to start from scratch. They already had a plot of land on which they had hoped to build their dream home. In the meantime, they had this great place to sell with large open areas and an amazing view. Erica looked for a stray car. Unless the real estate agent had come by bus, it looked like she had yet to arrive. She turned off the car and looked at Callie.

"You okay?"

Callie smiled. "Yeah, as long as I have you, I'm okay." She looked around. "Where are we?"

"Let's go check it out," said Erica stepping out of the car and walking over to the passenger's side. She opened the car door and extended her hand.

"We can be scared together, remember?" she said. Callie looked confused.

"Come on," said Erica as they made their way to the front door. Erica didn't know what to expect, but it wouldn't hurt to try the door. As they approached it, she saw a note taped to the door and grabbed it.

_Erica, _

_I had to deal with an emergency, but I'll be back in a few minutes. The door is open so feel free to look around. If you have to leave before I get there, just give me a call. I thought this fit the bill. _

_Jane_

Callie was looking at her curiously as she read the note, but made no move to read it herself and asked no questions.

Erica crumpled the note and tried the door which was indeed open. They entered the empty house, Erica still holding Callie's hand as she led her to the large living room and dining room.

"What do you think?" she asked.

Callie stood there thinking, saying nothing. And then a ton of bricks hit her hard. She shouted

"Holy Shit! You bought this house?"

Erica smiled. "No, not yet," she said. She began walking through the rest of the house, trying to see in person what she had only seen pictures of before now and pulling Callie with her.

She stopped in the kitchen. It was big and sunny with French doors and floor to ceiling windows lining the back of the house that revealed a small, but luscious yard.

She roamed around the kitchen, absently touching countertops and appliances.

"I wouldn't buy a house without talking to you first," she started carefully, treading lightly, trying to be honest, but expecting the freak out. It was coming, she was sure of it. Callie had that confused frightened look on her face, her version of flight or flight whenever faced with something new and frightening, but she was still holding Erica's hand.

"Because I wouldn't..." she let go of Callie's hand, which was probably a mistake, but the thought of Callie letting her go when the freak out began conjured up lots of pain and it hadn't even happened yet, so she let go first. She walked around to the other side of the breakfast bar that served as a a natural divider between family room and kitchen and placed both hands on the counter.

"Erica?" Callie was directly across from her standing on the other side of the bar.

Erica looked at her and smiled. "I was telling you not to freak out and it's me freaking out. Ironic, huh?"

Callie smiled and reached for Erica's hand, stretching herself across the breakfast bar.

"I'm trying really hard not to freak out now because you're freaked out. Let's just talk about whatever is freaking you out, okay?"

"Yeah, okay." Erica took a breath. "I've never done this before."

"Bought a house?" asked Callie.

Erica laughed. "Yes, I mean no I have bought a house before or at least a condo, but no I mean...asking someone to live with me." She looked down again refusing to read the eyes she knew so well, not wanting to see the panic she was sure was there.

Callie made an unintelligible noise that Erica could not decipher and so she kept her head down, still afraid. Because she had nothing else to lose, she continued, looking everywhere but at Callie.

"I brought you here to see what you think, because I like it, but I want you to like it too because I want to live here with you. I want this to be our house. Actually, it doesn't have to be this house. I know this is pretty fast. We just got back together and I know it sounds crazy, but I can't get the idea out of my head. You don't have to...live with me, but even if you don't, I want you to be comfortable wherever I end up, because I want you with me. However much you are willing to give me, I want it. And so I want you to tell me what you think about where we shou…I mean, sorry, where I should live."

Hearing no response, she finally dared a look at Callie to see moisture in her eyes. She hated seeing it there because it meant Callie was hurting and she knew she had caused that. She had moved to fast and too soon....again and Callie was trying hard not to freak out.

She went to her not knowing what else to do.

"Hey, you made it," she heard just as she reached Callie. She stopped, her head automatically turning toward the sound. Callie closed the distance between them. She wrapped herself in Erica, whose arms automatically went around Callie, heedless of the stranger who had just walked in.

The woman who had entered seemed surprised by the scene in front of her.

"Um…I have to pull some paperwork, so I'll um...be right back," she said darting out as quickly as she had darted in.

Callie was still attached to Erica, not saying anything. Erica just held her, pushing her disappointment to the side.

"It's okay," she said. "I'm sorry. I'm going to fast again and..."

"You don't understand," she heard Callie mumble. Callie finally pulled back to look Erica in the face. She cupped her jaw gently.

"I love you," she said before kissing her. They pulled away seconds before the woman walked back in. She seemed to have gotten herself together, sounding confident as she introduced herself.

"I'm Jane. One of you must be Erica Hahn."

"That would be me," said Erica extending her hand.

Jane shook it.

Erica was about to beg forgiveness and take Callie back to the hotel. Obviously this had been a mistake. She should have talked to Callie first.

"I'm Callie, Erica's girlfriend," interrupted Callie also extending her hand. Jane shook it happily.

"Well, shall we get started?" asked Jane.

"Well the kitchen is nice and we've seen the dining room and living room kind of, so can we start with the upstairs," said Callie addressing Jane.

"Absolutely," squeaked Jane. "Right this way."

Erica was in shock, but got it together to enough stop Callie from walking out of her arms and up the stairs behind Jane.

"Jane, there's been a mist..." she started to shout after Jane, but Callie covered her mouth.

"We're right behind you Jane," said Callie.

She turned to Erica.

"We are so looking at this house," she announced and then took her hands from Erica's mouth and kissed her. She grabbed Erica's hands and led her up the stairs.

**************************

It was strange to walk around a house with your girlfriend and imagine living there with her, knowing that was not what she wanted, and watching her talk to the real estate agent as if it was. It confused Erica and a confused Erica was an irritated Erica. She kept trying to find faults with the house, the ceilings were too high, the skylight might leak, the house would be too big to keep clean, until Callie gave her a disappointed look. She couldn't decide whether Callie was humoring her or the agent, but for her own sanity, she decided it was the agent and let Callie do her thing. Callie asked question after question, but when she started furnishing the place and finding a place for her stereo the irritation returned.

Callie had already made clear, she didn't want to live with Erica so the trips into pretend land were falling like lead in Erica's stomach and she suddenly wanted very much to leave and not think about where she was going to live. Because she could see them here, had in fact when she had first seen the property online. Not wanting to hear anymore, she excused herself. She gave Callie a kiss, not wanting to up the tension again, told them she needed to make a call and left the house. She stayed out there for awhile fully expecting to see the two of them emerge from the house, experiment over. But ten minutes passed and they were still inside.

Erica sighed loudly and went back in wondering what the hell was taking them so long. She walked into the kitchen. They were sitting at the breakfast bar. Jane had some paperwork on the house laid out and they were talking.

"Seriously they have to come down on the price. They're crazy if they think Erica and I are paying that for this house. It's a great house, but it's not a mansion or anything and believe me I know what a mansion is."

_What the hell? _

"Do you think she likes the house? I mean I thought she did, but..." said Jane stopping as she became aware of Erica's presence.

"Hi honey," said Callie easily.

"Callie? What's going on here?"

"I really like this house. Can't you see us living here?"

"Us?" she asked sounding confused. "But I thought you said..."

"I didn't say anything," said Callie. "I was too overwhelmed to say anything."

Callie got out of her seat and walked toward her.

"I thought, being the genius that you are and all, that you would figure out that yes, I very much want to live with you."

Erica's heart was doing that thing it did around Callie or when she was thinking of Callie - beating way too fast. "Um, are you sure?" she managed to get out.

"Yes. Having second thoughts?" asked Callie as she ran her hands up Erica's arms, wrapping them around Erica's neck and bringing them face to face.

Jane was trying to gather her things as quickly as possible. She thought she had made a sale today, which was great, but the energy these two threw off made her want to leave the room. She liked lesbians, she was all liberal, equal rights, blah, blah, blah, but she didn't need to see anyone having sex or almost sex or whatever.

"I um...have something... I'll see you gals outside," she said hurriedly.

************************

"I think we scared her," said Callie looking behind her at Jane's retreating figure.

Suddenly she was engulfed in one of those full body, all encompassing, deep, I-want-to-make-you-a-part-of me hugs that Erica was so very good at.

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, before Erica loosened her hold. Callie relaxed her arms, causally draping them on Erica's shoulder, running her hand absentmindedly through blonde locks.

"So you wanna live with me?"

Erica smiled. "Yes, very much so."

"Good," said Callie as she leaned in for a kiss. It was a sweet kiss laced with promise. Their lips parted reluctantly, their body's still embracing, wanting to stay connected.

"I guess we should go out there and talk to Jane," said Erica her hands still wrapped around Callie's waist.

"Yeah. Hey listen, I know you're a hot shot surgeon and Chief and all, but we are not paying that asking price. That's just ridiculous."

"Okay," said Erica chuckling as she grabbed Callie's hand and started walking towards the door.

Callie hesitated. "Erica?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you asked me. It saved me the trouble of moving in all covertly. It would have taken forever and it would have been all subtle, but I can't be apart from you, not for too long anyway."

Erica walked back to where Callie stood and reached up to caress her face.

"Me too," she said. "I can't be apart from you either. But, your residency is ending and I thought maybe you didn't want to be tied to Seattle. It's legitimate and I won't discourage you from seeking opportunities elsewhere..."

"It is legitimate..." interrupted Callie. "But it's secondary. We'll figure it out Erica. Whatever happens, we'll figure it out, but I just can't...I can't be apart from you, not now, not ever."

"I love you," said Erica and kissed her again.

"I love you too," returned Callie when the kiss ended.

They heard a knock on the door and Jane's soft voice.

"Maybe you girls can call me?" she said nervously.

Callie and Erica walked to the door hand in hand and stepped out.

Jane was smiling. "I can see you need some alone time, so just call me when you're ready."

"Thanks Jane," said Erica her arm around Callie, steering her toward the car. Jane was already in her VW Bug and backing out as they reached the passenger side of Callie's car. Erica opened the door then turned to Callie, cupping her face with her hands.

"We are doing this Torres."

"Yes, yes we are Hahn. We are so doing this"

They both smiled.


	17. Chapter 17

All Roads Lead Back to You (Epilogue)

Author: rcruz

_**Disclaimer: **__If I owned them, things would look a lot different. The characters, settings, established histories, and general Grey's Anatomy universe referenced in this work are properties of their respective owners. This is a work of fiction for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended._

Epilogue

Dr. Erica Hahn was not the type of person that tolerated things she didn't like. She didn't need to. She was a first class, world renowned surgeon. She was the Chief of Surgery at a hospital with the number one trauma unit in Seattle. They were moving up in the rankings nationally. Her department was gaining national recognition and so was their trauma unit. She had been a big part of their newly found upward mobility. She knew it. The hospital knew it and so they were quite content to let her have things her way, which worked out because Dr. Hahn just could not tolerate things she didn't like.

There was only one area where she was forced to tolerate things she didn't like and that had everything to do with Callie Torres. It had been a long road with many detours, false starts, blind curves and lots and lots of unpaved roads, but she had reached the end stronger, wiser and with a love that defied sense and reason and everything she thought she knew. Much to her surprise she had discovered that she simply could not live without Callie; could not really contemplate her life without Callie Torres in it.

That was why she was sitting here tolerating things she didn't like, like sitting at Joe's drinking bad wine with Seattle doctors she also did not like. It wasn't really that bad. She wasn't an ogre or anything. She was nice and civil to them. Okay, maybe she wasn't as nice as she could be, but she was civil. She just didn't like people and these were people. Plus she had an especially strong dislike for three people in this bar: George O'Malley, Arizona Robbins, and Mark Sloan. They had all had the fortunate luck of having seen Callie, her Callie, naked. And nothing they could do would change the fact that they all annoyed Erica.

But loving Callie, she had discovered, meant loving her quirks, her freak-outs, her clinginess (which she had no problem loving) and yes, it meant, even tolerating her annoying friends. Callie tended to make friends with her ex-lovers, usually around the time they became exes. She herself had been the only exception. Callie had become friends with Erica before they had even thought of being lovers. That made her feel special. The others were routine, part of a pattern easily recognizable in Callie's behavior. Erica was different. She liked being different. She also liked being the one that got to take Callie home. Every. Single. Night.

So she could tolerate Joe's. The wine while not great was effective. She sat relaxed, listening to the conversation, watching the various groups hanging out as they milled about. The groups grew and diminished as people shifted in and out of various conversations, pairing up and separating as if all a part of some cosmic dance.

They were good together, this group. She wasn't a part of it anymore, but she could see how they coalesced, the center might shift wildly, but it held. Thankfully her center did not shift. It was right here, safely ensconced in her arms. Callie's body was resting casually against Erica's chest, Erica's hand around her waist. Callie's hand was on Erica's thigh rubbing absentmindedly. Erica was going to have to stop her soon or maybe she would just suggest they leave. Mark was currently at their table saying god knows what. She was no longer paying attention. Little Grey was planted next to him, those large doe like eyes searching his face every 30 seconds. Clearly the girl was smitten. _Good luck with that,_ thought Erica.

Arizona had wandered to the bathroom some time ago, probably chasing the girl she had been drooling over for the last half hour, a new intern. _What was it with these people and interns?_ At least Erica had had the decency to go after a fifth year resident. But it didn't matter. She no longer had to concern herself with the strange personal dramas that played out in the halls of Seattle Grace. Callie was still there. She had been offered a position as attending easily, which had relieved Erica, because she honestly had not known how she would have handled Callie wanting to move. She knew Callie liked the hospital, liked the people and even liked the drama, especially now that she wasn't a part of it. Callie was content to be there for now and that was okay with Erica.

They had briefly talked about Callie going to Mercy West, but after much deliberation, they decided they didn't need to add more complications to their relationship. Trying to balance a professional boss/employee relationship with a romantic one was something neither of them wanted. They had been through too much and had worked too hard at their romantic relationship that they couldn't imagine risking it for anything. Seattle Grace for Callie had been the perfect solution.

They had bought the house with a view of Lake Washington. Somehow even though it was the first house they saw, it had just seemed right. It was still right. It had taken them forever to actually furnish it, well except for the bedroom. But it had slowly become their home, their little piece of paradise, the place where they could just be with each other and shut out the pressures of their jobs.

They still had their moments. Callie still freaked-out from time to time and Erica had her bouts of insecurity. Buying the house had turned out to be more complicated than Erica had anticipated. Erica had been surprised to discover how closely Callie's financial transactions were monitored by her father and even more shocked to learn exactly how much money Callie had at her disposal. No wonder she never worried about her phone bills. It had been tough. Callie's father had not taken it well when his daughter starting demanding that he stay out of her financial affairs. Things had only gotten worse for him. Buying the house with another woman had raised questions with Callie's family that Callie had not been prepared or ready to answer. But true to her word, Callie had freaked-out to Erica about the whole situation and in the end, Erica had been with her when she explained their relationship to her family. They were still awkward with her and she hated that, but they seemed to not be angry with Callie anymore, so she would take what she could get.

That little drama had really pushed Erica's insecurities into overdrive and there were still times when she would wonder why Callie was with her at all. She had periods when she would almost convince herself that Callie was destined to meet someone better, someone that could give her something Erica could not, someone that her family would approve of. She hated those moments, because her world would come crashing down for the few minutes the thoughts would take hold. It scared her to think of it and it absolutely terrified her that even the thought had such an effect on her. But those episodes were few and far between now.

They had learned to talk to each other about everything. It was what had gotten them through the freak-outs and insecurities. Sometimes the talks were serious, but sometimes Callie would meet Erica's fears with a laugh.

"God, I must be the worst girlfriend in the world, because you obviously have no idea how much I love and adore you. You babe, just you. I don't need anything else."

Then her eyes would go dark, which was like a switch for Erica, seeing Callie's eyes go dark like that. She always felt an automatic tug, a twitch in her stomach when she saw those eyes and that would start a physical craving that could only be satisfied by Callie.

"You satisfy my every need," Callie would whisper in that sexy come hither tone that made Erica forget all her insecurities.

It also made her forget she was in a bar and not somewhere more private.

She came out of her musings just in time to find her hand casually brushing Callie's breast. She had pulled back immediately, but her actions had not gone unnoticed. Erica had felt Callie's grip on her thigh in response. She kissed Callie's head lightly, squeezed her tightly, and leaned over to breathe in Callie's ear, "We're going to have to go soon."

Callie had just nodded, but her hand begun a slow and deliberate stroking of the thigh it was resting on.

Erica loosened her hold on Callie and took a sip of her wine. She thought about where she had been just a few years ago and where she was now. It had been a long and interesting journey, one with no clear path. But no matter what road she took, it seemed she was destined to end up here, in Seattle with Callie.

After many years of not caring where she lived, of only caring about where she worked and being the best damn surgeon possible, Erica found that she liked Seattle. She had never really thought about the city when she had first arrived as the new attending at Mercy West a hundred years ago. But now she found that she thought about the city a lot more. She liked the hotels, the small little out of the way diners, the parks, the airport and she especially liked a particular coffee shop that both Callie and her still frequented, located in a hotel not far from Mercy West.

She liked the coffee and how they didn't even have to place orders. Bubbly girl knew what they wanted and always had the same greeting for them.

"Hey, how's my favorite couple?"

And the type of response the girl received depended on who got to answer first. So it ran the gamut from "fucking awesome" to "very, very good indeed".

THE END

Author's Note: Thanks for coming along on this journey. Let me know if you enjoyed it. Special thanks to those of you who took the time to review. It is much appreciated.


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